Oprah ve on-line partner

Oprah Winfrey's longtime partner Stedman Graham doesn't 'define' himself by their relationship. The 69-year-old author and businessman has opened up about his life with the media mogul, and he ... Oprah Winfrey has reunited with Stedman Graham.. The 66-year-old media mogul's partner had been staying in their guesthouse for two weeks since returning from a work trip as a precautionary ... For some reason your roommate—er, life partner—has been following you around all night, when all you want is to finish up the evening's menial tasks so that you can commune with your true passion (i.e., DVR'd episodes of Game of Thrones), tapping you on the shoulder and asking you inane questions about electric toothbrushes and dry cleaning and RSVPs. The place for everything in Oprah's world. Get health, beauty, recipes, money, decorating and relationship advice to live your best life on Oprah.com. The Oprah Show, O magazine, Oprah Radio, Angel Network, Harpo Films and Oprah's Book Club. Oprah Winfrey's longtime partner Stedman Graham doesn't 'define' himself by their relationship. The 69-year-old author and businessman has opened up about his life with the media mogul, and he doesn't see himself in the same way others do. Oprah Winfrey and her partner Stedman Graham have been pictured out together in a rare date night. The 65-year-old businesswoman, actress and chat show host usually flies solo on the red carpet, but at the opening gala for Tyler Perry's studio in Atlanta she was accompanied by her partner of 33 years. On Monday, the talk show host posted a video of “Stedman’s Barbershop,” as her partner of 34 years gave Thando Dlomo, one of the stars of Oprah’s Daughters, a trim. In the video, Graham ... It seems Oprah's love affair with the country has extended into the foods she eats, and we're loving it! ... Oprah and life partner enjoy 'South African bread' during quarantine ... 'I've just had ... Oprah Winfrey's longtime partner Stedman Graham has revealed what it's like being in a relationship with one of the world's most successful media stars.. Speaking to The Kyle & Jackie O Show on ... Oprah Winfrey, American television personality, actress, and entrepreneur whose syndicated daily talk show was among the most popular of the genre. Through that program, ‘O, the Oprah Magazine,’ the television network Oxygen, and her philanthropic work, she became one of the most influential women in the U.S.

Live reacting as I go through Seasons 12 - 32 as a first time viewer. (Part 12: Invasion of the Champions)

2020.09.17 20:26 Sanity0004 Live reacting as I go through Seasons 12 - 32 as a first time viewer. (Part 12: Invasion of the Champions)

I've been going through the seasons since they've been added to CBS all access. I'm a long time Big Brother and Survivor fan that has more recently lapsed on Big Brother. With the season being shit I decided to use All Access to finally dive in to The Challenge. These posts are mostly stream of conscious as I watch the episodes, some times with little context. Check out my posts for past seasons and a TLDR at the end. Thanks for checking these out!
I apologize a head of time if some comments go a little off base, these are purely just assumptions and first impressions a lot of times.
EP 1:
Laurel!
Oh shit, Laurel and Camila fighting. Ready for that!
CT! I love this season already!
Is this like Ruins 2? Contenders vs Champs or old school vs new school
Smashley looks less meth-ey
Jenna jokes starting out of the jump
A new Theo? Got a lot to live up to with that name rookie.
Fucking Shane? God damn, that’s a blast from the past.
I was wrong, it’s Island 2 lol
I’m...kind of shocked to see Tony again?
Actually happy to see Amanda again, hope see more out of her this time around than just starting drama. I’d like to remember her for more than just being the freckle girl.
“Hardest challenge ever.” I’ve heard that before…
I take it back, confessional Smashley looks just as Meth-ey as ever.
Aww, the clapping when TJ says the old dogs aren’t there. The naivety.
Fucking Johnny again. Give me some alliance between Laurel, Cara, CT and Darrel to get Johnny out and it will be my dream come true.
Is this the beginning of dad bod CT?
This Hunter fucker looks like he’s built like a damn foosball player
Oh, a Miz wannabe…
There are multiple people I’m seeing “2nd Challenge” on their name card and I have no damn clue who they are.
“She said it was the challenge or her, and I chose the challenge.” Chick….you chose wrong. I don’t care if the girlfriend is shit for giving you the ultimatum, but you still chose wrong lmao
Shane getting naked, yeah it’s really Shane.
In a broken ass hut, but they’re still getting catering and copious amounts of alcohol lol
Zach….You act like you’ve been away forever lol you were off for like 2 seasons dude. Also “Make the challenge great again” Fucking really? You would be the furthest thing from Challenge in its heyday. You were in like 2 of its worst seasons.
Fucking Dario, I really can’t take him.
I’m sad to see no Devin from last season. Wanted to see more of him.
This seriously feels like Island 2 lol I contend that Island 2 had an interesting concept but Kenny/Johnny and their alliance just ruined it. The survivor elements really just put a damper on it too.
“It’s a clue!” Bitch, just call it treemail!
Early impressions of Theo is I like him.
Finally, multiple color jerseys.
I have to assume very shortly everyone will be in the oasis, they won’t want to run two full crews.
Hopefully Bruno is coming in with that homeless hungry energy.
Saying there’s two teams when people are just piling dirt on a collective pile? Lol
Ashley going for herself?! Somewhere Johnny is using this to validate him taking the money from Sarah.
Hahaha Ashley just climbing through after people helping her dig haha She looks like she’s the one bringing the homeless hungry energy.
Damn, how did Cory go from dead last to second finish?
I swear Ashley was shown as being in first place multiple times, but now she’s in the middle of a huge pack.
Nelson is coming in to these confessionals like he has some kind of vendetta lol Like he’s building a case against someone. First it was how he views Cory as his boy and he wasn’t going to leave him hanging, and now he’s complaining about Tony leaving Bruno behind.
Bruno, disappointing with the lack of homeless hungry energy.
Why is Nelson so damn angry? Lol Everyone is yelling at Bruno and Tony’s the only one like “No, leave him alone.” and Nelson wants to bitch about Tony not talking to him? Everyone is, what is one more voice?
Eww, you got mud all over your face, don’t sit there and lick your lips.
Why such a short first episode?! Only 40 minutes? What is this Gauntlet 3?!
EP 2:
They’re even getting laundry service?! Lol What a weak ass Island rip-off!
Why is Nelson so damn angry?! He was seriously not this way at all last season lol
Jenna getting in on the trash talk! “We forgot you were here like 3 times!” lol I can’t tell if it’s a dig or if Jenna just literally forgot someone existed
Nelson seriously seems like a completely different person to last season.
“I’m just going to be there for Kailah to vent” proceeds to tell her how to play and what she did was wrong lol not alot of venting going on.
If this whole Oasis twist is just whittling down the amount of contenders to go against the Champions I will be pissed. If it’s just like a contingency so the rookies don’t out number and gang up on the old school players or something.
There’s something about the out and out team aspect going on that I’m liking, but not liking at the same time lol Everyone just ganging up and telling Sylvia how to vote is just weird. I’m all for sides, but once the vote comes the talking should end.
Latoya with the hypocrisy calling someone else a camera whore lol bitch you called yourself “THE Latoya” like you’re ohio state or some shit.
“It’s your vote, you can decide who you want to vote for.” Provided it’s the vote that 4 other girls are yelling at you to make…yeah, your vote.
I’m happy to see Darrel back.
Who is this Ashley chick?! Oh, from Seasons, ugh.
Ah Kenny, not gonna lie I’m starting to miss Evan and Kenny. Yeah, they’re shit bags, but they’re entertaining. These last couple groups of rookies have been trash.
Cara looking even more ripped.
CT’s baby! Awwwwwwwww
Is Laurel coming in being like the third ranked girl in athleticism of these champs?
Exile style elimination with no arena with people watching? Mixed emotions on this.
Kailah looks like she talks a big game, but won’t be able to back it up. Marie looks like she’s got some crazy in her.
With these two girls, this elim looks like shit. With some strong guys fighting the whole time it could be interesting, but this was bleh.
Bruno, back to being homeless.
This hut is going to be angry with the people returning and having earned their way into the actual game.
I hope the alliance realizes they literally just screwed like half their numbers out of their chance at the real game lol
You can tell these people are dumb rookies, or they’d realize the object is to get their alliance in the elim vs shitty people to win their ticket.
EP 3:
“I want to start a talk show. There is no millennial Oprah.” Because they don’t watch them, they listen to podcasts. You’re the worst millennial.
Of course the Foosball guy would like meth hulk Smashley.
They don’t even have to compete, this seriously is just a play-in game.
Yeah, my money’s on Jenna/Cory
CT and Darrell with their kids is absolutely adorable.
Amanda has a weird trashy quality to her, but god damn is she pretty as hell.
“I don’t care if I lose my teeth, I’m getting this bag open!” spoken like a true methhead!
I was really hoping to not see more of foosball boy.
These people still aren’t understanding the game is getting the tickets. You either win or win an elimination. Half these people are going to be real disappointed.
I feel like Cory has realized it, and wanting to go in to elim.
I’m with Theo, we’ve seen Cory’s fake muscles at work plenty of times. We saw him lose to 80 pound Christina and weird punk hipster kid in a competition purely based on pushing and holding on to a bar lol
Not gonna lie, I’m kind of liking the feel of this cast developing naturally without a bunch of vets around to control the game.
The suspense is kinda dead on this girl elim, because it showed Jenna in the oasis in the previews.
I’m interested in this guy elim though.
Slip of the tongue? “I’m going to go against her and she’s going to come back limping!” so...you’re saying she’s the one coming back but you’re going to hurt her? Lol the object is to come back, not just hurt the person. Not sure if you know this, but Jenna is an elimination god.
It’s...it’s just holding balls?
Fucking Theo. Dude… I was actually hoping to see more of you. What a bitch.
With the object of the challenge being to hold on to balls, I was expecting some kind of bounce or jarring of the person to have them possibly drop them.
I have come around on Jenna so damn much. She literally approaches every challenge like it’s absolutely nothing. Everything is easy for her when she doesn’t even think about it lol
Hahahaha they really just slowly let Theo down to be laughed at! Haha I love it!
I would love if Theo still had to jump to get down lol
Well at least it isn’t 8 vs 8, there’s one more challenge so it will at least be 10 or 12 vs 8, not like Cory and Jenna aren’t basically vets at this point.
EP 4:
Fingers crossed on Amanda being the next ticket holder and not Smashley.
The weird open beach macking is weird.
Please, of all people please don’t let Latoya get this ticket.
Ok, my money is on Amanda and Shane being the two winners here to get their tickets. This is one of the random elimination style challenges that Shane and Amanda have experience in.
Man, Nelson bothers me this season. I don’t get it, but his confessionals are annoying.
https://i.imgur.com/VvcJWiB.png Can we talk about the like 30 people standing in the background during this challenge? Lol there was more than this screenshot, but this was the best shot. The amount of people just standing around is kind of hilarious.
Shane is halfway gone and Nelson and the other dude have barely moved.
Nelson is another fucking “fustrated” guy. Dammit! What is it with this show and people who can’t pronounce frustrated. Is that the second question after “are you an angry drunk” when casting?
How the hell did this dude come back out of nowhere? Lol
Wow, that was an awesome finish.
First time I’ve seen a challenge sponsored in a while. Burger King! Jenna’s just hoping there’s chicken nuggets.
No onion rings? No deal!
Nelson with the pity party. I thought I liked the small bits of Nelson last season, but apparently Nelson in small doses is easier to take.
Darrel, don’t talk up your game. Bananas is already targeting you as number one. Don’t even joke.
Laurel doesn’t look like she’s coming in at her fittest. But I’d still bet on her in most cases.
Looks like the last pre-game elim is a mini final kinda? Sylvia already basically crawling on hands and knees lol
Sylvia got to the top, I’m honestly shocked.
I would literally jump off a plane, jump over a cliff, anything to do with heights, but running down some steep stone stairs in the rain? That shit would scare the hell out of me. There’s not the safety lines there, I’ve broken too many limbs.
All the people watching this like “Is my culture a joke to you?”
Yes! Sylvia! Shocked, and happy! I just hope she realizes her alliance she made is not only not in the Oasis, but didn’t help her get there lol
Can we just introduce a new rule and neither of these guys go in the house?
Did we really need to watch Nicole lick peanut butter off of a giant spoon?
I forgot Dario was here.
“To Jenna, not having an ex here.” Oh buddy…
Fuck, I also forgot this dumb foosball fuck
I wish I could have TJ telling me he’s proud of me each day. He looks like he means it.
Dad-bod CT!!
I know Paulie from Big Brother is eventually on this show, but it’s hilarious to me that Johnny in this last confessional before the episode ends looks so damn much like Paulie. The tufted hair, the short beard.
EP 5:
I’m tired of seeing god awful commercials trying to hype up a god awful Big Brother all-stars.
Underdogs vs Champions, nice
I literally don’t recognize this Ashley chick at all.
Does battling against your own team kind of defeat the purpose of teams?
Camila with the completely see thru shirt in confessional lol
Surprised they’re actually making it seem fair. 4 v 6 in challenges.
Ugh, I don’t want Nicole to talk anymore.
Speaking of mean laurel, can we get an update on the Cara/Laurel friendship?
Oh fuck yeah, this is the type of challenges I want to see.
I keep forgetting Champ Ashley even exists. Has she had a confessional?
Laurel and Camila look like the only ones coming in to this challenge like they want to kill people. Cara and Ashley just seem to get tackled and sit on the ground.
Darrel looks entirely unintimidated lol the other guys are hunched down ready to run and Darrel is standing casually like he’s waiting for an uber lmao
I’m here for dad-bod CT tackling people.
I’m with Tony, take the chance to knock the fuck out of Bananas.
“I think I’m known for being the most physical dominating person from the challenge” hahahahahaha Zach I don’t even think you’d be in the conversation.
I am weirded out by this casual chill CT. In confessional’s with his leg up and just chilling.
The ollyoop to Darrel!!
This may be one of the best challenges. This is an amazing way to start the actual game.
Well the last point was kind of anticlimactic.
Nicole coming on STRONG right out of the gate for Cara, Damn girl.
Zach just casually walking by Jenna saying “Hey, whats up” just feels so fucked.
I forgot how coked out Shane looks all the time. Something about his eyes.
Nicole looks like Andy Dick hahahahahahaha oh shit!
I love that the vets are just sitting by laughing at everyone scrambling knowing god damn well that they will be doing the same thing the next day lol
Ass, ass, ass for days. Maybe the assiest cast so far.
Kailah literally needing to be put in pants and in bed. Oh my god she pisses her bed! God damn.
Pissing the bed is a deal breaker? That’s kinda weak though.
CT yelling at Johnny to fix it lmao
Dude, Zach trying to talk shit about CT?! Lmao Saying he didn’t tackle anyone? Zach of all people shouldn’t be talking shit.
“I’m not drinking anymore.” “Well I’ve heard that since day one…”
You’re in the challenge house and going to throw stones at people getting black out drunk?? Lol What show are you on? This guy has a pattern of trashing on girls in an instant.
Oh god, I can’t unsee Andy Dick after Bananas mentioned it. Nicole is now forever Andy Dick.
EP 6:
This Andy Dick crush. Cara is definitely leaning in to it.
I oddly have a defensiveness for Jenna. She’s too stupid. Leave her alone Zach. She’s too sweet and dumb!
I am 100% Laurel in the background giving weird confused looks to Jenna and Zach talking.
Kailah just saying she basically rapes people…
What is this weird Nelson insanity? I already said his confessionals come off like he’s angry lol
I feel like all these mentions of Tony being sober is just leading up to the point that he breaks.
Camila trying to be a Don boss or something lol “It’s invasion sister, I could invade your game.”
Sweet Dad-bod CT is the best. Just don’t let him go out too early!
Jenna! Get out of Zach’s bed!!!!
I really can’t see Shane going this early. To bring him back after this long and he goes out like 5 episodes in right when the actual game starts?
Oh no, the foosball guy doesn’t like Kailah lol He likes Ashley though, I’m not sure what that says.
This shelter alliance is kinda dumb…
The Fortress lol Cool place, weird name.
Holy shit, this Tuk Tuk challenge would be exhausting.
Sylvia’s got more weight to throw in to it, but she’ll probably gas out way faster.
Camila is coming in to this season looking great.
Damn, Sylvia way ahead. She killed it.
Yelling boo, is maybe the dumbest thing to do lol
Really thought something was going to come of the sober Tony story.
If I look at the alliance of Smashley, Amanda, Shane and Foosball, except for Nelson I’d say this is some weird white trash or druggy alliance lmao
“There’s onlly a divide because people like you say there’s a divide.” lol You guys got upset because a few people piled fucking dirt together lol
I can’t take confessional Johnny looking like a weird knockoff Paulie Califiori… Why does he look so different in his confessionals? Did he only come in to do his confessionals after the season?
Shane is on some weird ass shit with his “Why do I care about a strong team, if I’m not here to win” or whatever he’s on lol Are you just saying you want to go as far as possible and not care about winning? I feel like his mentality is stuck back in the olden days where winning wasn’t all that much money.
What the fuck kind of high school rumor mill bullshit is this? Lol
Why does Jenna give a shit for even a second what Zach things. Girl, stop this now. Be mad about the girls rumor mongering for no reason, don’t give a shit about Zach the dude that literally cheated on you and didn’t even break up with you but just ghosted you while you were on a damn season.
Stop caring about Zach!!!!
EP 7:
Laurel, Camil and Ashley, just swimmin naked in the morning. All normal.
This fuckin’ foosball guy…
Smashley really about to get mad at Cara for randomly joking with Foosball?
Smashley is so damn insane. “Piss in your pants bitch!”
I stan Laurel. “It’s not fucking about him! It’s about you!” Thank you Laurel!
Oh, this is cool.
Wait, why is only the champs winners safe from elim? Why only them?! I don’t like this arbitrary bullshit.
I feel like Camila is giving strong winner vibes off in her confessionals. She seems so like a godfather or some shit. It’s not her normal schtick. Are all the champs just getting more care and time in the makeup room for confessionals? Also, why has Ashley and Darrel been so absent from confessionals? They’ve each had like 2 when Camila has had 20 to talk about the most basic stuff.
Good god, Nelson and Amanda looked godawful, down in seconds lmao
Why does Johnny somehow always get the best teammates?
CT stirring the pot between Cara and Bananas lol I love this new CT
Cara out immediately, so much for that.
I think I’m confused on how the points and times are handled on this lol
Sure, just go ahead and sit back and let Johnny win immunity. Sure. Perfect.
Please show the flashback of Laurel saying “How do you think Sam felt!?” to Zach.
“I’m not really a douchebag.” says the douchebag
Literally will only be happy if Zach and Ashley go home.
I literally just remembered the CT and Cara friendship that came out of Free Agents. He had a cute older brother type thing going.
“Why?” “Cause you’re making me.” Darrel is still a threat
I will not be happy if Darrel or Cara leave right now. This season will be on a sudden trend down.
Pole wrestle!!!!!! Oh Shittttttttttttttt Wasn’t Darrel in an epic bar wrestle in one of the old seasons?
Oh shit, the champ elims are all classic! That’s awesome.
Oh, guess I was thinking of Wes and Derrick in Duel. I for some reason associated Darrel with that.
“I’m here to win the money.” “Why?” “Because I like winning money.” Darrell just not dealing with TJ’s questions lol
Yeah, Pole wrestling gives me hope for Cara and Darrell.
Ashley looks like she’s barely even there. Did they give her some pain killers after the last challenge or something?
I swear if Darrell leaves I will be angry. It’s been too long without Darrell for him to go this soon.
It starts and Darrell barely even moves to what looks like Zachs full force.
Lets go Darrell!!! 1 down, let’s go.
Darrell got it! Let’s fuckin’ go!
Jenna, you’re better off. Please wise up.
Don’t you dare call Darrel ‘David’ and Zach ‘Goliath’, CT you’re better than that.
Ya’ll remember Zach saying he was probably the most physical dominating challenger? Lol
Literally the best possible outcome. I love this.
EP 8:
“In a perfect world; we go head to head in the end.” I would love to watch Darrell beat Johnny.
Camila and bathrooms…
The rumor mongers being paranoid is a funny turn. Shane is a vet, how would you think he wouldn’t hang around some of the other vets? What does him hanging with vets even affect?!
Laurel hasn’t done an eating challenge? Wasn’t there an eating part of the final on Rivals? The one Kenny had to carry Wes up the mountain after eating?
God damn they do LOVE showing copious amounts of vomiting.
Camila is excited to see some puking…
I like how they put buckets there, like anyone is gonna aim for the bucket lmao
CT and Darrell talking about it being good, the Underdogs instantly puking.
Shane talking mad shit. About to see himself get voted in the fortress.
Shane bitching at all is hypocritical. He was the one that said it made no sense for a strong team if he’s not there for the money or some dumb shit.
Fuckin Foosball is booking. Damn.
Did foosball just say he has immunity he’s not helping with the puzzle?
“It’s just curry bruh.” I love Darrell. I am so happy he’s back on The Challenge.
Hey what do you know, Johnny wanting to cause disruption and outrage.
These Underdogs continue to be hilarious. It’s like some kind of weird cult where if you say anything that everyone doesn't know about or agree with you’re instantly cut out.
Johnny continues the run of bullshit. Taking a toilet seat? What kind of weird frat house hazing is this?
Say it loud, say it proud, JOHNNY IS A BULLY!
Either you’re quitting Sylvia or you’re severely underestimating Jenna.
Dario looks like a joke like he did on Bloodlines lol Anything involving thought in an elimination and the dude is just screwed.
Jenna is a comp beast. Period lol How did Jenna come in with the best technique and just blow through it? Lol
Cara is right, they just made the underdogs stronger losing Sylvia and Dario.
Quit calling bullying, pranks! If you’re doing it consistently and to the same people repeatedly it’s just bullying. If it was reversed Camila and Laurel would be the first two people too lose their fucking minds. It’s like they forget back to FM1+2 when they were bullied and now they’re in the upperclassmens role and have to continue the bullying.
EP 9:
Well, that’s certainly a start to the episode.
Ok, Camila is at least bi-curious.
Now Andy Dick is trying to hit on Laurel? Damn, get it girl.
Wait, didn’t we just have like 2 episodes of Cara saying she wasn’t in to girls? Literally because of the same chick?
“It’s good seeing you two get along.” I love dad CT!!!
Oh, I see what it’s doing…Love triangle!!!!! Look, just cut out the middle person. Cara, Laurel, hook up!
“Amanda!....It’s funny!” I always enjoy when bitch Laurel comes out.
Camila is back with “Freckle motherfucker!!”
“It’s initiation! Get fucking used to it!” Bitch Laurel is the BEEEEESSSSSST She’s still wrong though. It’s bullying and dumb. Just because you can look at something and rationalize it as everyone goes through it doesn’t mean it’s right or ok. It’s still bullshit and bullying.
It’s so weird that they have full blown security at this point lol
CT calling Johnny out! Haha I love Dad CT. “When did I start fires and walk away?” “Are you serious? That’s all you do!” haha CT ain’t having none of this Johnny bullshit.
Andy Dick is really coming off as in love with herself. Geesh
This is a cool Challenge. Yeah, Laurel if everyone is hanging on you you just fall and take out all the Underdogs.
Aw, I thought Camila was being smart lol They talk her to unwind herself.
I like that the underdogs came in to the comp being smart and the vet guys are upset about it lol
One foot between determining the guys? What? Darrell and Johnny seemed to be taken down and then CT with the rest of the guys? Didn’t even seem close. Oh I guess Johnny and CT were both brought down by Shane.
Bummed to be losing Laurel or Cara.
So much for Johnny vs Darrell in the final lol
It seems weird that they basically have the underdogs whittled down before bringing in the Champs but then to lose two at a time. I’m not against it, it just seems like they’d make one decision and then go on to make the other decision.
Andy Dicks “Flirt” sounds like “Flick”
Laurel basically sees the situation as more serious because it’s basically her first encounter with these feelings and Andy Dick views it differently because it’s not new or special for her. Understandable on both ends.
Darrell, kick Johnny’s ASS!
Johnny, you didn’t have to wait to become the villain.
This whole weird “Who/what/why are you doing it thing of TJ’s is not it.”
Is a call back to Free Agents really all that classic? It’s an awesome battle to see these matchups.
I always wondered why no one else tried to shoot it. This barrel hole at least seems smaller than it did in Free Agents.
“I don’t think Bananas has ever been tested like this.” He was, he just got turned into a backpack and made into one of the most hilarious moments.
EP 10:
Happy to see Bananas go. Thank you Challenge gods!
Cara stopping it with her foot!
Laurel with the brutal headlock. God damn!
I think the only thing about Cara that annoys me is the socks she wears. I hate the ugly knee socks with shamrocks and shit on em.
Andy Dick smiling while Laurel and Cara 69 basically.
Laurel continues to dominate. She had the reach and size though.
“It’s hard to celebrate the win.” Laurel says as she runs away after her point and puffs up her chest lol
4 champs left and 8 underdogs seems like a shit unbalance. I continue to just be surprised by the weird decisions of production.
Andy DIck about to get a taste of Bitch Laurel. Good luck!
Side note: When did Andy Dick kind of like blend in with the underdog alliance? She was always just as hated as Tony, Cory, Kailah and them, but somehow Andy Dick never gets lumped in with them anymore.
“It doesn’t bother me!” She says repeatedly, showing it definitely bothers her.
I don’t know what’s the worst look. Shane with his shirt off at all times, or Nelson in this weird ass fucking black cowboy hat haha
Oh my god. Laurel and CT are the loves of my life. Foosball yelling about who can beat him and Laurel makes an ugly face in the background and CT waves his hand and points to himself. CT has a dad bod, but he isn’t any less of a monster.
You can tell Shane thought he had gold with that “America’s Dirtbag” line because he uses it probably 5 times.
I don’t know where the line is on going too mean or too past certain lines, but Shane really seems to me like a coke head at the absolute end of his rope that will be desperate as he has to be and would literally shiv some motherfuckers if he had to.
I am really thinking Camila is the winner of this season. I don’t know if I’m way off, but this is the first time I’ve felt this strong of a winners edit from this show the whole time. Camila hasn’t had this many confessionals and stories even on the past seasons she has won.
I wish I cared about Andy Dick and Laurel. I love Laurel, but Dick is kind of annoying.
Wait...Of all the times to not have an elimination? Seems odd.
Make pairs. CT instantly “Guys, I don’t care.”
Why is there so much of this personal cam stuff this season? People keep having these selfie videos, I thought it was just a Bananas thing at first, but it’s persisted.
I think this is one of those comps that is way harder than they make it look. Just hanging on the tubes is going to tire you out, climbing across them and then having to pull yourself up a rope?
I need closed captioning for Foosball and Smashley way too often.
Camila looks like she’s halfway to just standing the hell up and running across these tubes.
That round of CT and Camila seemed like the waves were suddenly teen times worse when they got to the flag?
Cory completely in the water and pulling himself back up? That’s tough.
“It all comes down to Jenna.” Ohhhh it comes down to the time. I had complete faith in Jenna.
TJ throwing a house party instead of an elim? Bah, get these shitty Underdogs out of here.
“Something fishy’s going on.”
Camila calling Laurel humble lmao
Underdog BLOODBATH. YES YES YES YES!!!!!
EP 11:
I don’t give a fuck where you’re from foosball! Go back home!
Holy Hell Camila is looking hot as hell this season.
Finally, they just kiss and get it over with!
Was hoping for another kind of mini final for the bloodbath.
Everyone is going to the fortress? Damn, they’re cuttin down in half quick.
Jenna: “I’m just here for the final” Damn straight, that’s what you do! Lol
Laurel not pulling punches, thinking Andy Dick is going home.
Nelson and Foosball out here seriously not understanding rows and columbs lmao
45 fucking minutes!!! An hour and a fucking half and no one is done lmao Wow people
TJ getting tired and telling people to add them up before asking for a check.
Almost two hours for the first one to complete. Good god.
Goodbye Foosball!
I literally have zero doubt that Jenna will be in this final lol
“Ashley looks like she’s in an argument with a split personality right now.” When did CT become the best narrator?
Jenna, eliminated for the first time ever!!!! Shit, that’s a bummer.
“I never went home before, so it’s a little upsetting!”
Amanda and Smashley are huge fucking shit talkers this season lol jesus.
Looks like a 3 way elim?
Seeing everyone run and then bounce back once they hit the wall will never get old.
They just aren’t realizing what the Gauntlet 3(I think? Maybe Duel?) guys did and just team up against Nicole?
Good god, it took 40 minutes and Shane telling them how to do it to realize they could get an easy win.
I didn’t realize it was a restart. Ashley fucked over Amanda for sure lmao
Looks like Amanda actually got the first one. Nicole’s so wrapped up in powering over Amanda she’s not worrying about actually being quick.
Ohhh, Nicole by technicality.
Damn, Nelson just played them both. He had that shit in seconds.
Don’t tell me Nelson gets the win and then is the first to throw a punch. Lmao I’ve said all season his confessionals look like he’s angry and has a vendetta.
EP 12:
Oh, he goes to punch and misses. Lucky idiot.
What was Shane even doing?
Nelson is absolutely terrible at confrontation, or conversations starting with a disagreement. He just kind of quietly yells the same things over and over.
Don’t show her lick the peanut butter spoon again! Dammit!
She ate moldy peanut butter!
CT trying to stir the pot between Laurel and Andy Dick lol
I feel like everyone is joking and finding this funny except for Andy Dick. She’s so mad about an almost empty thing of peanut butter from weeks ago lol
This looks like a cool ass challenge. Like an escape room, but literally.
Camila:“No yelling! CT...” “Me? You gotta lot of nerve.”
I feel like forcefully kicking the door in is kind of breaking the challenge… lol Literally the door isn’t even supposed to go that way! I feel like this would have been a DQ in the old days lol
How did CT realize the coconuts were going to fall when they opened the door? Had the underdogs already opened theirs and it just didn’t show that in editing?
At least Camila noticed it. They literally forced a door the wrong way to not have to dig in the sand. I’m usually against vets getting treatment or anything by default, but that feels like a DQ.
Fucking “Fustrated” rears it’s damn head again.
There is not a chance in hell this Laurel/Andy Dick relationship goes anywhere.
Bug in broccoli being a glimpse at Smashley in the final?
TJ tells the Champs they’re in the final, but didn’t say that to the Underdogs.
I can’t tell if Camila is being smart or dumb carrying the whole bundle of rope.
Laurel’s taken almost 5 minutes just to get all the rope over the top?
Both of these look like nothing compared to any of these tangles in the past.
I feel like these knot elims are just all over the place with editing. It’s felt like Camila was so far behind the entire time, but then she’s near done and then Laurel looks way behind. It looks like Laurel just gives up. I feel like I just want to see a standing still camera time lapse of both progress.
“Ugh, get the fuck out of here. I don’t give hugs!” TJ <3
EP 13:
In todays saga of CBS all access being complete shit: The thumbnail spoils the winner of the guys elim. :/ So much for that cliffhanger...
I’ll be interested to see how this shakes out though. Darrell really seemed to come in looking strong as hell throughout this whole thing.
Uh...I think CT is breaking this challenge lmao This looks impossible to untangle.
Looks like Darrell tried to start copying CT’s method at one point.
TJ’s laugh at CT just hanging at the end lol
Will Darrel even be able to begin to unravel CT’s mess? Lol I can kind of see why the thumbnail spoils it because once you see it it’s kind of a forgone conclusion lol
CT looks pretty gassed though, I think Darrell would win this if CT didn’t outsmart the elim.
Yeah, CT broke that shit lol
“See that, little fatso! Dadda still kick your little ass!” Dad CT is the best.
I will really be shocked to see any of these underdogs winning over Camila and CT.
Besides Cory, I hate all the Underdogs left.
I especially hate Nelson and Andy Dick now that we’re sitting here having this inspirational team chat.
Smashley has just been a series of wanting to leave. Please, god, let her go.
I love watching CT love watching this drama that he’s no longer a part of lol He just loves sitting back and smiling at the chaos.
Don’t puff up Smashley’s damn head. Don’t encourage her!
The beds look better, but the outside of the normal house they left literally can’t be beat. They had an amazing pool, a beautiful deck area and pond? This place is lame compared to that.
I’m watching the challenge, I don’t need the spiritual self reflection bullshit.
Diem :(
OK, CT talking about his son giving him a reason to live and a reason to move on is really about to make me cry.
Three damn days? Really? Can we go the opposite way? Make it shorter, not longer? Lol Length doesn’t necessarily mean difficulty.
100k each? Bananas laughs with 275k...
Predictions: CT > Cory > Nelson Camila > Smashley > Andy Dick
EP 14:
Do you want to just take the puzzle with us? It’s not that heavy. Holy shit, this chick is dumb hahaha
“Is there a triangle in the sign?” How are the camera crews not sitting there dying laughing?
How to they get the right number of triangles from the damn sign?!?! Hahaha They’re just trying to break the combo lock. These dumbass people. They get the right number of triangles and still fail.
They can’t even beat it when given the answer. Jesus christ. The producers are literally saying “Just go. Go.”
I don’t think I could understand the dumbness of Andy Dick and Cory.
TJ looks disappointed in having to tell them they’re correct lol
That’s all of day one?!?! Seriously? I don’t care what they say, these finals have become weak.
A different stray dog? Lol
I like the idea of the time buster. If you’re going to make these finals about combined times you might as well do more with that.
Horse urine fermented eggs...Really? Lol
Some times I feel like their safety restraints give them too much support when doing some of these balance type things. It’s like they can half rely on their support. Nelson is barely holding any ropes to keep reaching.
No, I don’t want to see CT struggle!
How the hell is the ASL chick the only one in the history of this show to say frustrated correctly lol
Nelson doesn’t seem to do well under pressure.
I think Smashley being able to gloat about anything is the worst possible outcome.
They solved it on the wrong post haha
“Hashtag Dad-bod” CT owning it.
Cory is a baby. He is like one hardship away from quitting.
The fear on Cory’s face when CT says he thinks it will be all night lmao He’s already miserable.
This chick and peanut butter…
Hahahaha TJ coming in saying “What the fuck?” and CT instantly running back to the beads is fucking hilarious. Calling them eating cans “partying” hahaha
“Tomorrows a new day” he says as the sky lightens behind him.
Andy Dick really seems like the worst partner on just about every leg of this final.
Camila makes all these guys look like bitch mode lol She’s constantly angry and she probably doesn’t make working with her easy, but every partner with her looks like the weak link.
The final solo segment is holding on to a bar and then swimming? I’m sorry, am I crazy? This final just seems weak.
If you would have put a puzzle at the bottom of those long ass stairs from the last underdog elim and the key to the puzzle at the top, it alone would have been harder than this final.
This last segment seems like it’s just a time to have each individual running so they can run back footage of their journey. It’s the torch walk of survivor lol
Two entire segments of the episode are dedicated to this individual montage and segment of the final. Ugh.
Cory is kind of a bum when it comes to these finals. Surprised Nelson beat him.
CT WIN!!! Dad Bod still has it!
I love CT laughing! “It’s going to be his new favorite toy, whether he likes it or not.”
I’m so tired of Nelson and Andy Dick and sad we will no doubt get more of them.
HOLY SHIT. SMASHLEY BEAT CAMILA. HOLY FUCK. That is the biggest shock in Challenge history for me. Wow, I’m speechless.
TJ trying to say they have to stay in the hut another night. Lol
EP 15:
“The toughest final I have ever seen.” Oh shush
Miz looking a bit older.
Why does Cara look pissed with Andy Dick showing up? Lol
Damn, Laurel is possessive lol
CT and Johnny loving the drama haha
Laurel really seems to be making more of this than really should be. I feel like she’s always just looking for a reason to be mad at Cara.
CT doesn’t like “Finger banged” as a term lmao
Camila’s weird dancing in intimidation is a weird new thing…
Oh god, why did they bring Foosball on the reunion?!
Camila really has a thing for see-thru
Camila’s dancing does look really stupid lmao
Nelson is fucking annoying.
Nelson you have the blessing of Johnny fucking Bananas, sit down it doesn’t mean much.
Nelson is a dolt. Cory wouldn’t even be there without him haha
Nelson is really going to sit here and let second place go to his head this much? Fucker acts like he’s a king for getting second once! Lmao
Does Miz really have to relate everything to himself and being a WWE Superstar?
So wait, Johnny actually had something to do with Smashley first possible quit rant and it didn’t show Johnny’s involvement?
Is this like the third time Cara has worn these weird Deadpool tights on the reunions?
I kind of want to watch this Champs vs Stars spin off thing. Doesn’t seem like any of the spin-offs made it to CBS all access though.
Kailah definitely had the ugliest cry.
Overall thoughts and TL/DR:
I actually liked this season. It at least had a decent level of competition, mostly due to splitting the strong vs the weak, and the challenges themselves were pretty good. I am not completely sure I understand the reasoning behind the breakdown of how the season was handled and how the format was decided, but I was fine cutting out a lot of rookies before getting to the actual game. The thing that I didn’t like and what the format did to the game, was that there was very little politics or strategizing. The votes didn’t really matter too much too often because the selection was so limited and the two teams never really intermingled in anything. It seemed about as purely challenge focused as you could get which made for it’s own kind of boring season. It was nice having a lot of these people back, but it was a bummer with the season not really feeling like a true challenge? If that makes sense. Also, as I've said: I feel like these finals have sucked. These finals just aren't the same things that they used to be. Sure they're longer, they have multiple days and grueling elements. But they're no longer a nightmare test of endurance and will. It's multiple sprints spread out through multiple days.
Please don’t bring back Foosball and Nelson.
submitted by Sanity0004 to MtvChallenge [link] [comments]


2020.09.09 16:06 kerry_lusignan Overcoming Childhood Trauma In Partnership

Overcoming Childhood Trauma In Partnership

https://preview.redd.it/1h6bdch0q4m51.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa6b194debf4992e99f9a7925e57a88d34d281d9
At NCCT, we are dedicated to the leading research, techniques, and methodologies in couples therapy. To that end, we regularly seek out the expertise of colleagues with specializations in complementary fields, such as private practitioner Stephen J. Bradley, LICSW, LMHC, who offers insight on unique relationship dynamics through a trauma-informed lens.
Stephen has postgraduate training in Narrative Therapy from the Family Institute of Cambridge and is trained in the work of Dr. Bruce Perry and the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics through the Child Trauma Academy in Texas. Presently, he is certified Phase II/TTT in that model and has partnered with NCCT from 2014-2018 as a Couples Therapist.
Earlier this month, we reached out to Stephen to gain a deeper understanding of childhood trauma and its impact on romantic relationships, a topic Stephen has extensive experience in from his 25 years of treating adults, children and families. He is especially passionate about working with children and families who have experienced trauma.
Our goal in this interview was to identify the unique role trauma plays in romantic relationships and to offer tools to support couples struggling with its legacy. As expected, Stephen provided a wealth of information on the subject. Below are the key takeaways, organized in a Q&A format.
1. Stephen, what exactly is ‘trauma’? How would you definite it, and how can we recognize the role it plays in our relationships?
Trauma comes in many different forms and can move across generations. Many families we work with have experienced direct physical, mental or emotional trauma. Or, they have witnessed varied types of trauma, such as physical conflict, domestic violence, external stressors and also systematic oppression based on gender, race or sexual orientation.
From birth through age 3, we are just forming our relational templates — what we use to guide our interactions with others — in the context of a caregiver relationship. These templates are where the trauma piece most often comes into play. If a person experiences trauma in the history of their attachment relationships, it can have a significant impact on their future relationships, particularly with their romantic partners.
As we make that emotional bond with a romantic partner, the attachment we form will activate our initial relational templates. If we experience traumatic events in the course of those early relationships, we are more vulnerable to having those early traumas “activated.” At its most intense, this can sometimes result in experiencing connection with a loved one as “threatening” emotionally, rather than comforting.
2. From your experience, what is the most important lesson that both couples and parents can learn regarding trauma?
So much of the work we do in couples therapy involves the part of our brain that is most relational. Generally, we can think of the brain as having “older and newer” parts which have developed evolutionarily.
The older parts of our brain include the brainstem, which regulates basic functions like breathing and our heart rate, and the cerebellum, which is where our stress response system lives. The newer parts include the limbic system, the source of our relational and connection abilities and the cortex, the most abstract, complex thinking part of our brain.
Ironically, the parts of our brain that are most relational are structurally close to the part of our brain that controls our stress response system. What is the reason for this? The most prominent threat to human beings is other human beings.
If I were to ask the average person to think of a time when they were in an argument and the next day thought to themselves, "I can't believe I said that; I can’t believe I lost my cool,” almost everyone would be able to name at least one instance when this occurred. Why? When our stress response system is activated, the first parts of our brain to shut down are the newer parts of our brain, the cortex and the limbic system. Our ability to think clearly and connect is hindered. When those go, we are more likely to come from a place of fight or flight.
According to Dr. Perry, the Founder of The Child Trauma Academy in Texas, we actually become "dumber" the more upset we get. In other words, we lose our ability to be our best, most caring and effective selves with our partners. For people with a history of childhood trauma, a strong fight/flight/freeze response can result.
Also, people who have experienced interpersonal trauma, abuse or neglect as children are more likely to have a sensitized nervous system. They are more likely to get upset and can take longer to cool down. This can leave people who’ve experienced trauma feeling a deep sense of shame - thinking they are “bad” or “wrong” somehow.
However, this is neither true nor is it a helpful way to think about traumatic experiences. In fact, Oprah and Bruce Perry , did a segment on 60 Minutes on Treating Childhood Trauma.
One key takeaway was a shift away from the ‘what is wrong with you’ mindset towards the ‘what happened to you’ line of thinking.
We work with couples to help them recognize when their stress response is being activated, but we are also careful not to blame them. We help them see that it is understandable and natural for them to have that response given what they've experienced.
3. What does it mean to regulate ourselves or to avoid ‘dysregulation’? And how can we bring ourselves, and our partners, back into a more calm state?
Most of us have a good idea of the kinds of activities that help us feel calmer, less stressed. We remind people to do more of those things, such as spending time in nature, dancing, doing yoga, walking their dog, listening to music or exercising. These are all self-regulating activities that reduce the chance of our stress response system being activated. They help us to be more functional, attentive partners.
Then there is co-regulation, which interestingly occurs first between a parent and an infant. As infants just coming into the world, we don't know how to self-regulate and depend on the adults around us to do that for us. Coregulation can involve anything from a massage or back rub to a deep conversation where there is meaningful listening.
4. Do people who have experienced childhood trauma struggle with closeness? Is there a limit to the amount of connection survivors of trauma can accept from their partners?
Yes, in some ways, having childhood trauma in your past can create obstacles to intimacy in a partnership. In other words, the level to which one feels comfortable with their partner can be negatively impacted by their past experiences.
Imagine a stranger comes up to you who you have never met and engages in a lengthy conversation with their nose just an inch from your face. That would probably activate your inner alarm system, right?
Most people in this situation would agree this feels “too intimate” and may leave us feeling confused, defensive or upset. For children who have experienced trauma, however, it doesn’t take a stranger to activate their inner alarm bells. It can be someone they know well, such as a teacher approaching them in class.
When partners come together, this can become a real conundrum. It can become stressful for people who have experienced abuse or neglect. So, we help them apply the brakes and ask questions like, "What happens to you when your partner looks you in your eye? What happens to your body? Do you feel connected, distant, stressed, anxious?"
We work to reduce their stress levels and increase their levels of connection. We also recommended activities that are side-by-side, rather than face-to-face, such as going for a walk or cooking a meal together. Just taking the time to smell the spices and feel the textures of the vegetables can be effective. It's basic, uncomplicated stuff that we are well-wired to do anyway. But these are things that tend to go missing.
5. Is it ever too late to address the effects of childhood trauma?
No, it's never too late to treat childhood trauma. However, the impact of the treatment will vary depending on the level of intensity needed, the timing and type of treatment that is provided.
There are a number of evidence-informed models for addressing trauma, including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We are also seeing a lot of great work being done with body-oriented approaches, such as Somatic Experiencing, mindfulness-based approaches to therapy and therapeutic yoga.
6. What can parents do to reduce the amount of trauma their children experience?
One thing we know for certain is that kids whose parents engage in conflict in front of them, particularly with no repair, have much higher levels of stress, especially if we're talking about birth parents. They will feel like two parts of themselves are at war with each other. They feel everything physiologically.
The first, and most important, thing to do is to take any dysregulated conflict out of the purview of kids. This can be especially difficult during the early years of parenting when we see the greatest number of separations happen.
It's understandably, a very stressful time for the relationship, and there’s a lack of time for each other. We spend so much time tuning into the infant's needs that we forget we as adults need attention too, along with the sense of connection and meaning that comes from coregulation.
To learn more about dysregulation, coregulation or how to overcome any obstacles to intimacy in your relationship, visit us online at northamptoncouplestherapy.com. We offer private, intensive 2-Day and 3-Day couples retreats, marriage retreats and weekly couples therapy sessions. We also have new extended hours and team members to meet a growing demand for expert, research-based couples therapy in the New England area and across the US.
submitted by kerry_lusignan to u/kerry_lusignan [link] [comments]


2020.07.20 15:58 kerry_lusignan Overcoming Childhood Trauma In Partnership

Overcoming Childhood Trauma In Partnership

https://preview.redd.it/cj6l5pmpp0c51.jpg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b9c90f4f905dbca784f539d795518359cd494ccb
At NCCT, we are dedicated to the leading research, techniques, and methodologies in couples therapy. To that end, we regularly seek out the expertise of colleagues with specializations in complementary fields, such as private practitioner Stephen J. Bradley, LICSW, LMHC, who offers insight on unique relationship dynamics through a trauma-informed lens.
Stephen has postgraduate training in Narrative Therapy from the Family Institute of Cambridge and is trained in the work of Dr. Bruce Perry and the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics through the Child Trauma Academy in Texas. Presently, he is certified Phase II/TTT in that model and has partnered with NCCT from 2014-2018 as a Couples Therapist.
Earlier this month, we reached out to Stephen to gain a deeper understanding of childhood trauma and its impact on romantic relationships, a topic Stephen has extensive experience in from his 25 years of treating adults, children and families. He is especially passionate about working with children and families who have experienced trauma.
Our goal in this interview was to identify the unique role trauma plays in romantic relationships and to offer tools to support couples struggling with its legacy. As expected, Stephen provided a wealth of information on the subject. Below are the key takeaways, organized in a Q&A format.
1. Stephen, what exactly is ‘trauma’? How would you definite it, and how can we recognize the role it plays in our relationships?
Trauma comes in many different forms and can move across generations. Many families we work with have experienced direct physical, mental or emotional trauma. Or, they have witnessed varied types of trauma, such as physical conflict, domestic violence, external stressors and also systematic oppression based on gender, race or sexual orientation.
From birth through age 3, we are just forming our relational templates — what we use to guide our interactions with others — in the context of a caregiver relationship. These templates are where the trauma piece most often comes into play. If a person experiences trauma in the history of their attachment relationships, it can have a significant impact on their future relationships, particularly with their romantic partners.
As we make that emotional bond with a romantic partner, the attachment we form will activate our initial relational templates. If we experience traumatic events in the course of those early relationships, we are more vulnerable to having those early traumas “activated.” At its most intense, this can sometimes result in experiencing connection with a loved one as “threatening” emotionally, rather than comforting.
2. From your experience, what is the most important lesson that both couples and parents can learn regarding trauma?
So much of the work we do in couples therapy involves the part of our brain that is most relational. Generally, we can think of the brain as having “older and newer” parts which have developed evolutionarily.
The older parts of our brain include the brainstem, which regulates basic functions like breathing and our heart rate, and the cerebellum, which is where our stress response system lives. The newer parts include the limbic system, the source of our relational and connection abilities and the cortex, the most abstract, complex thinking part of our brain.
Ironically, the parts of our brain that are most relational are structurally close to the part of our brain that controls our stress response system. What is the reason for this? The most prominent threat to human beings is other human beings.
If I were to ask the average person to think of a time when they were in an argument and the next day thought to themselves, "I can't believe I said that; I can’t believe I lost my cool,” almost everyone would be able to name at least one instance when this occurred. Why? When our stress response system is activated, the first parts of our brain to shut down are the newer parts of our brain, the cortex and the limbic system. Our ability to think clearly and connect is hindered. When those go, we are more likely to come from a place of fight or flight.
According to Dr. Perry, the Founder of The Child Trauma Academy in Texas, we actually become "dumber" the more upset we get. In other words, we lose our ability to be our best, most caring and effective selves with our partners. For people with a history of childhood trauma, a strong fight/flight/freeze response can result.
Also, people who have experienced interpersonal trauma, abuse or neglect as children are more likely to have a sensitized nervous system. They are more likely to get upset and can take longer to cool down. This can leave people who’ve experienced trauma feeling a deep sense of shame - thinking they are “bad” or “wrong” somehow.
However, this is neither true nor is it a helpful way to think about traumatic experiences. In fact, Oprah and Bruce Perry , did a segment on 60 Minutes on Treating Childhood Trauma.
One key takeaway was a shift away from the ‘what is wrong with you’ mindset towards the ‘what happened to you’ line of thinking.
We work with couples to help them recognize when their stress response is being activated, but we are also careful not to blame them. We help them see that it is understandable and natural for them to have that response given what they've experienced.
3. What does it mean to regulate ourselves or to avoid ‘dysregulation’? And how can we bring ourselves, and our partners, back into a more calm state?
Most of us have a good idea of the kinds of activities that help us feel calmer, less stressed. We remind people to do more of those things, such as spending time in nature, dancing, doing yoga, walking their dog, listening to music or exercising. These are all self-regulating activities that reduce the chance of our stress response system being activated. They help us to be more functional, attentive partners.
Then there is co-regulation, which interestingly occurs first between a parent and an infant. As infants just coming into the world, we don't know how to self-regulate and depend on the adults around us to do that for us. Coregulation can involve anything from a massage or back rub to a deep conversation where there is meaningful listening.
4. Do people who have experienced childhood trauma struggle with closeness? Is there a limit to the amount of connection survivors of trauma can accept from their partners?
Yes, in some ways, having childhood trauma in your past can create obstacles to intimacy in a partnership. In other words, the level to which one feels comfortable with their partner can be negatively impacted by their past experiences.
Imagine a stranger comes up to you who you have never met and engages in a lengthy conversation with their nose just an inch from your face. That would probably activate your inner alarm system, right?
Most people in this situation would agree this feels “too intimate” and may leave us feeling confused, defensive or upset. For children who have experienced trauma, however, it doesn’t take a stranger to activate their inner alarm bells. It can be someone they know well, such as a teacher approaching them in class.
When partners come together, this can become a real conundrum. It can become stressful for people who have experienced abuse or neglect. So, we help them apply the brakes and ask questions like, "What happens to you when your partner looks you in your eye? What happens to your body? Do you feel connected, distant, stressed, anxious?"
We work to reduce their stress levels and increase their levels of connection. We also recommended activities that are side-by-side, rather than face-to-face, such as going for a walk or cooking a meal together. Just taking the time to smell the spices and feel the textures of the vegetables can be effective. It's basic, uncomplicated stuff that we are well-wired to do anyway. But these are things that tend to go missing.
5. Is it ever too late to address the effects of childhood trauma?
No, it's never too late to treat childhood trauma. However, the impact of the treatment will vary depending on the level of intensity needed, the timing and type of treatment that is provided.
There are a number of evidence-informed models for addressing trauma, including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We are also seeing a lot of great work being done with body-oriented approaches, such as Somatic Experiencing, mindfulness-based approaches to therapy and therapeutic yoga.
6. What can parents do to reduce the amount of trauma their children experience?
One thing we know for certain is that kids whose parents engage in conflict in front of them, particularly with no repair, have much higher levels of stress, especially if we're talking about birth parents. They will feel like two parts of themselves are at war with each other. They feel everything physiologically.
The first, and most important, thing to do is to take any dysregulated conflict out of the purview of kids. This can be especially difficult during the early years of parenting when we see the greatest number of separations happen.
It's understandably, a very stressful time for the relationship, and there’s a lack of time for each other. We spend so much time tuning into the infant's needs that we forget we as adults need attention too, along with the sense of connection and meaning that comes from coregulation.
To learn more about dysregulation, coregulation or how to overcome any obstacles to intimacy in your relationship, visit us online at northamptoncouplestherapy.com. We offer private, intensive 2-Day and 3-Day couples retreats, marriage retreats and weekly couples therapy sessions. We also have new extended hours and team members to meet a growing demand for expert, research-based couples therapy in the New England area and across the US.
submitted by kerry_lusignan to u/kerry_lusignan [link] [comments]


2020.05.14 03:15 IvhL Kyle's Blog Post proves he doesn't understand the concept of Business Risk.

As a 5 year old, I figure I break down the legendary Kyle's professional blog post.
TL;DR Kyle wants events to pay him more money, but doesn't understand the concept of business risk OMEGALUL
Tournament organizers incur costs in the hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars to host every event. They’re responsible for the production, talent, location scouting, flights, visas, hotels, pcs, catering, security, internet, power, backup generators, insurance, venue fees, prize winnings, along with the wages for hundreds of unseen staff making things work.
This is called a business risk. Which ESL, Dream-League, anyone that wants to run a business/event will incur. These rules have been set in stone for 3 or more years since ESL tried to DMCA Bulldog. Valve literally created a blog post on the official site outlining that this sort of exclusivity is not supported by Valve and that in their own words from their official website quote,
" We encourage our users to make videos using Valve game content, such as playthrough or instruction videos or SFM movies. We are fine with publishing these videos to your website or YouTube or similar video sharing services. We're not fine with taking assets from our games (e.g. voice, music, items) and distributing those separately.
Use of our content in videos must be non-commercial. By that we mean you can't charge users to view or access your videos. You also can't sell or license your videos to others for a payment of any kind.
You are free to monetize your videos via the YouTube partner program and similar programs on other video sharing sites. Please don't ask us to write YouTube and tell them its fine with us to post a particular video using Valve content. It's not possible to respond to each such request. Point them to this page.
Of course this policy applies only to Valve content. If you include someone else's content in your video, such as music, you will have to get permission from the owner."
Valve's Policy for Video Contenet Source
What Bulldog, Gorgc, Midone and other personalities do is watch the in-game client match which is Valve property. (which is navigated by launching into the Dota 2 client, Watch tab, Tournament Tab). This means that all that the tournament organizers are doing is spectating the client just like they are with higher production quality.
The parallels are really similar too as the tournament client from what I understand has a few more options than the regular client, but the Tournament organizers literally just go and throw up a overlay. Bulldog and other streamers do the same exact thing.
It’s worth it for the show. ESL Birmingham 2019
Yeah it was a great tournament and a good example of what could've happened here
Esport events generate revenue in many ways, but primarily through three unique channels.
If a Tournament Organizer (TO) had the exclusive right to broadcast live matches from their event, the viewership on monetized platforms would increase. Maybe by only 10 people. 100. 10,000. Who knows. Who cares. For the purpose of this article, let’s pretend that any extra viewership would have absolutely zero impact on a TO’s bottom line.
Who cares? So I'll pitch this counter argument. There are many places in the world where people learn, watch and play dota. Your argument here is that if you gave the TO rights to exclusivity of a broadcast the in-game client that literally anyone has access to the Tournament scene would somehow be better? What kind of argument is that? What about the people that barely can afford internet in SEA and other places of the world where internet isn't a privilege? Would milking them for the little they have so some organization gets more money from a MonsteRedbull sponsorship better?
Broadcast exclusivity is not about views.
That is exactly what it is
It’s to ensure that a TO can properly monetize their content.
If the content was any good enough then I would be going to their stream. I would much rather listen to Gorgc or Bulldog describe whats going on than be shilled a energy drink or sub-par internet provider.
The idea is that if you have the sole rights to your content, you can sell them.
Which is something that Valve does when the International comes around. You are literally asking Valve to sell their IPs to tournaments when they can just improve on a existing product and make the streams something to watch
You can sell them to ESPN, NBC, CBS, Oprah. To German TV Channel 7. Malaysian eGG Network HD. Facebook. Mixer. Twitch. Netflix. Red Bull. Independent streamers. You can make it free.
You can do whateverthefuckyouwant. It’s yours.
And they chose the community rather than some heavily regulated television network and it's arguably a much better decision to do it the way Valve is currently doing it.
That’s why it’s valuable.
Overwatch League got OVER NINETY MILLION DOLLARS FROM TWITCH for two years of exclusivity.
After two years of declining viewership in the OWL, Blizzard recently inked a new deal with Youtube giving them exclusive rights to broadcast their leagues in Overwatch, Call of Duty, & Hearthstone.
It’s estimated the deal is worth 160 million over three years.
Their viewership has declined over 50% since the move.
Given this example, you could argue that Team Fortress 2 could've had the same success as Overwatch, but Valve's development cycle in 2007 didn't account or probably think that this game could be competetive even though the community wanted it. Overwatch has been on the decline since the 2nd year it's been out (in my opinion) however, the community keeps the game alive just as TF2's does it's. Fuck even the Game's director is confused on why people want to still fucking play the game, but that is a topic for another day. I think using Overwatch as an example is pretty shitty and just proves why Valve doesn't want to get involved further with major networks. Number's would've needed to be hit, shitty ads for shaving my balls with a razor would've played, its literally irrelevant.
Most DotA events on Twitch are required to play Twitch ads for 6 minutes an hour. This poses some issues for a DotA 2 TO. We don’t have a halftime.
Lets say a DotA game lasts for 75 minutes. We can all imagine the uproar if ads began playing mid-teamfight, so once the game ends, they’ll owe Twitch two hours of ad requirement (12 minutes) over the next 45.
At the end of the broadcast, if Twitch doesn’t see average 6 minutes of ads per hour, they inflict penalties based on a % of the ad revenue you’re ALREADY sharing with them.
You might not remember the last time you saw a 10+ minute ad break. That’s because the TO didn’t play it. They ate it. They took the L.
Again, that is called a business risk. If the Tournament Organizer doesn't account for these risks, perhaps they need to work on their negotiation skills or perhaps they don't need to be tournament organizing. At this point it's clear you are shilling for Tournament Organizers to get more money so they can pay you more, when you seem to have a really good idea of what needs to happen, just lack the balls of actually executing it.
Other games get paid by Twitch to use their platform.
In DotA, we pay them for the privilege.
Why would a billion dollar company with a known development schedule of a ADHD chimpanzee cowtow to a billion dollar streaming service that doesn't have a fucking comptent moderation staff for popping a pimple? Why would you want Twitch/Amazon's money if they literally don't know how to run their site properly at all?
Sponsors/Brands/Partners work with tournaments because of guaranteed exposure, promotion of goods/services, and opportunity for unique activations. Unless you’re attending in person, all of these occur via the tournament broadcast. Part of the value proposition for the tournament organizer is that this is highly desirable content, and the only way fans can watch is via the official broadcast. In Dota 2, a portion (sometimes a majority) of fans are watching via 3rd party streams. These streams do not carry the risks, costs, or responsibilities associated with the organizing or running of the tournament. These streams that do not provide value to the sponsor, and detract from the ability of the tournament organizer to guarantee viewership.
I feel like I've iterated my opinion on this, but this is basic business risk 101. If a major broadcasteTO is getting beat by a streamer like Bulldog, that's their fault for not working with Bulldog or having more interesting content.
Imagine how difficult it is to have a conversation with a marketing executive from Monster, explaining that you can’t do a goddamn thing about the livestreamer with 10,000 viewers displaying a Red Bull logo on stream even though Monster paid you six figures to sponsor the event.
"I know this 250kg washed up Swedish man in Uppsalla would be a better venue for advertisement, but we have better image macros and conduct ourselves professionally rather than this dude that spams 90's gay porn every 20 minutes." Your statement just proves that Bulldog has done a better job building a community that knows what they want than sell out to a company that would rather shill subpar energy drinks and keyboards made in sweath shops.
Imagine explaining to Parimatch that even though a streamer has a link to an UNREGISTERED GAMBLING WEBSITE IN HIS TITLE as he casts your event on his personal stream, you can’t do a goddamn thing about it.
Thats called a business risk dude. I really wish a person that played Dota and then is bitching about business decisions would actually fucking know what this concept is.
Imagine DotA 2 sparking interest from a huge brand like Verizon, Coca-Cola, or MasterCard. Try explaining why, unlike in their dealings with the NBA, NFL, MLB, LCS, OWL, CWL, MLL, UFC, FIFA, IOC, and Naked Jello Wrestling Federation, we’re unable to guarantee that our broadcast will be unique & exclusive.
Imagine having the creative freedom Valve does to advertise and do as they like as a company. They may have to edit their game due to CCP regulations, but they don't suck China's dick constantly and try to work as much as they can rather than bow down. The whole lists of companies you just described as well is why the majority of us do NOT want advertisements given during these games, because we want to watch the games, not be fucking shilled huge corporations down our throats.
When ESL One Genting was streamed on Facebook in 2018 it was awful.
Yes
However, we got it twisted; the problem was the stream/client/service was terrible. The platform was the problem, NOT the exclusivity.
And yet you have literally outlined in the above paragraphs why Valve shouldn't do that
You might ask; wait, if the streaming platform was shit…. why would ESL choose to broadcast their event on a shitty platform?
Well boys and girls, Facebook paid for that shit. They paid MILLIONS. MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. That’s not pocketed by a suit. It pays for MORE GAMES. MORE TOURNAMENTS WITH BETTER PRODUCTION, MORE PRIZE POOL. MORE CONTENT.
MORE FREE DOTA CONTENT FOR YOU.
While being in league with one of the most corrupt advertisement comapnies in the world. When DisguisedToast (I fucking hate this dude) moved platforms from Twitch to Facebook he took a pretty big hit, but he said he feels good that he can see people that comment as their real name (so he thinks). Anonomity is a fucking privledge in Dota for those who want it and I really think you don't consider this when you right out this thought soup you created.
Who in their right minds would want to listen to Joe Buck and Troy Aikman during the super bowl (other than some octogenarian FOX exec) instead of Pat McAfee, Peyton & Tom? And holy shit Favre is on stream DOING BEER BONGS WITH MADONNA? TOUCHDOWN VIKINGS!!! I’d watch the SHIT out of that. BUT I CAN’T, because if I want to watch the Super Bowl live, I gotta be on FOX. They determine the manner in which their product is presented. If you don’t like it, write a letter.
Just like I would like to watch Pepegas, Gachi's, Weebs, and Joyers in Bulldogs stream. Not two awkward analyst, one of which can't fucking process thought or take a business class but would rather bitch on reddit about how Valve should run it's pro scene.
It’s why you see celebrities and pros court side during the NBA finals. It’s the dance baby, and everybody comes out to watch. You don’t have a choice. If you want to be “seen”, want to be a part of the spectacle, you have to show. If Lebron could hit up Drake, Steph & Shaq, stay home & stream the game live with their commentary….they’d do that. We’d watch.
Contrary to popular belief, most DotA 2 events do not make money. Since the beginning of the Dota Pro Circuit in 2018, no DotA 2 Major has made a profit.
You quote business risk here again, but we do have a event that has shattered prize pool records mutliple years in a row that allows people to watch for the comfort of where ever you are, for free, as well as the VODs and broadcast, for free.
As I stated on air, I don’t find fault with any individual streamers and their decision to act in their own self-interest. It’s not personal, I just want what’s best for the game I love. People respond to incentives, and I can’t get mad at anyone for simply playing the game by the rules.
Henrik, I’m very happy that you have lots of fans, you deserve it. You provide a great service to our community, as your stream is practically free daycare.
You literally just said this isn't personal, but then completed outted Henrik. This right here just proves you have a bias against Henrik and that you are too much of a bitch to either
A. Address it Mano e Mano
B. Disrespectful towards anyone that watches his streams. Even if it is a meme, the professionalism you are fucking begging for was just thrown out the window by bringing out Henrik here. As the ancient saying goes," Shut up Kyle."
Esport has given me everything. I live the dream. I’ve met nearly my entire network thanks to this industry, and every time I go to an event I get to see & often work with many of my best friends. This game, this space is SO special. The molders & shapers behind the scenes have committed years of blood, sweat, tears and dreams to build it into what it is now. Everyone at an esport event is there primarily because of their passion. There is no place I’d rather be than at a Dota 2 tournament. It’s goddamn incredible. I love Dota.
I think this blog post was made out of feelings made out of facts but I was really interested on why the community for some reason did not like Kyle. I didn't even know why he was there but there is the whole Complexity angle (who fucking remembers lol) but now I understand why he's hated. He's just another insufferable keyboard warrior crying instead of actually doing something about it.
Admiralbulldog we love you, don't let this DB kill ur vibe sir.
submitted by IvhL to AdmiralBulldog [link] [comments]


2020.04.02 06:02 BOBULANCE Unofficial COVID-19 Expansion

**\*Cards Against Humanity Coronavirus Box\***

The CAH Coronavirus Box is a timely and contagiously fun addition to your custom deck. Compiled from an undistinguished mix of original cards, shamelessly stolen and furthermore uncredited cards from across the Internet, cards from the official Cards Against Humanity AI, and official cards from existing decks, this is the perfect deck to ride out the apocalypse on a wave of laughter and depression. Many of the existing cards have even been tweaked to fit your pandemic survival needs, and almost all are guaranteed to be obsolete within a year (we hope).

The CAH Coronavirus Box is NOT designed to be played on its own, and is intended to be mixed with the base deck and existing expansions for the full experience. The deck is designed from a United States perspective in line with the perspective of the base game's creators.

To add this deck to your online XYZZY game, copy-paste the following command into your room's chat box:

/addcardcast EPU2Z

If you have a larger XYZZY base deck (5k white cards or more) and this pack's cards aren't showing up enough, use the duplicate version:

/addcardcast J7BUF

And now, the moment you've been reading for, the full list of included cards! See the comments for the black card list.

**WHITE**
$1,200 Trump Bucks.
20 tons of bat shit.
24-hour media coverage.
29 minutes of a rat-faced Englishman telling me sad facts.
400 of the required 30,000 ventilators.
50 mg of Zoloft daily.
A 3% mortality rate.
A 55-gallon drum of hand sanitizer.
A 7-hour decontamination bath.
A Catholic priest that actually respects boundaries for once.
A Zoom sext.
A bad time to be a libertarian.
A barn that's perfect for storing human bodies.
A bidet.
A bunker full of canned goods and ammunition.
A cloud of joylessness and aerosolized virus particles that slowly encompasses the earth.
A cold and indifferent universe.
A complete inability to understand anyone else's perspective.
A compromised immune system.
A cough and a sudden urge to travel.
A cure for Coronavirus.
A dark future full of troubles.
A dead guy.
A deserted stretch of highway.
A doctor shortage.
A dream team of our nation's greatest scientific minds and Mike Pence for some reason.
A father and son fighting each other over the last scrap of bread.
A freshly-sorority-less sorority girl.
A full pantry, a warm bed, and advanced plumbing.
A full-on panic attack.
A fun, sexy, fatal time at Miami Beach.
A funeral home dumpster that's unfortunately full.
A global pandemic.
A gnawing sense of dread.
A grandma-sized coffin.
A grocery store receipt that would suggest I am a single man who loves Cheetos and pooping.
A hazmat suit full of farts.
A hooker with a heart of gold and a severe case of COVID-19.
A lab mouse that simply refuses to die.
A law that allows factories to dump toxic waste into children's mouths.
A legitimate reason to commit suicide.
A liberal bias.
A life expectancy of five days.
A lifetime of sadness.
A living wage.
A lone tumbleweed silently drifting down a vacant city block.
A long Zoom meeting with no obvious purpose.
A long, hard day of not being able to find work.
A long, unforgiving quarantine.
A low standard of living.
A motherfucking flamethrower.
A never-ending homework load.
A night alone with the kids.
A nurse but he's a man.
A penny, a chip, and a used napkin.
A perfectly secluded lake-side cabin where I can ride this thing out in peace.
A plague unto our people.
A plentiful toilet paper that gives splinters called tree bark.
A poop emergency.
A possible Chinese person.
A president who is just as fat and stupid as I am.
A protracted siege.
A proud first responder.
A radical rethinking of employment-based healthcare.
A rat with Coronavirus and a little hat.
A real bitch of a situation.
A severe breach of the Hippocratic oath.
A short dance so you won't think about the pandemic for 10 minutes.
A single-payer healthcare system.
A slow death.
A sterile, joyless, bland existence.
A test kit.
A tired and emotional mother of three.
A toxic family environment.
A trillion-dollar stimulus package.
A vastly superior healthcare system.
A very dead baby.
A video of a naked woman telling me nice things so I can masturbate despite my stress levels.
A way to live that is stable and satisfying called ‘moving to Canada’.
A web of lies.
A zero-risk way to make $1,200 from home.
Absolute certainty that I don't have Coronavirus.
Accepting the way things are.
Accidentally broadcasting an NSFW video to 5,000 people.
Actually contributing to this household instead of just sitting on your lazy ass all day watching Gilmore Girls reruns.
Actually dying.
Adequate medical equipment.
Advocating for the deaths of 2.2 million Americans.
Alienating my family members.
All but like 12 Americans living in poverty.
All my dead hopes and dreams.
All my dead sisters.
All my friends dying.
All of us. At home all day. Staring at the walls. Looking for answers.
All the bacteria in a Chuck-E-Cheese.
All these dead bodies.
Allowing mother nature to do her thing.
America's crumbling healthcare system.
An Asian, I think.
An Italian meatball with the singular drive to kill.
An abandoned Kmart parking lot just before dawn.
An alternate universe in which Coronavirus has successfully eliminated all human life.
An angry, vengeful God.
An entrenched class system.
An especially moist handshake.
An extremely fast-acting and convenient way to die called Coronavirus.
An old guy who's almost dead.
An old man passing away on a gurney.
An old man who just died.
An old people's home with little or no old people left.
An older man.
An unexpected end to America’s school shooting epidemic.
An unfortunate parade of misery.
Andrew Cuomo.
Another shit hitting a fan situation.
Another shitty year.
Anything Asian.
Asia.
Asians who aren't good at math.
Asking me to come over and fuck your husband and then I’m like, “no”. And you’re like, “why?” and I’m like, “haven’t you heard? We’re under quarantine.” And you’re like, “holy shit, what?” And I’m like, “yeah, it’s Coronavirus. It’s global now and killing everybody.” And you’re like, “good prank. How’d you know I’ve been technology free?” And I’m like, “Dianne, seriously, check the news.” And you’re like, “oh fuck. Fuck, you’re right. Oh God. It’s over. Humanity’s over.” And I’m like, “yeah.” And you’re like, “It’s horrible.” And I’m like, “Dianne?” And you’re like, “yes, Carol?” And I’m like, “do you still want me to fuck your husband?” And you’re like “yes, I would love for you to fuck my husband.” And then I sigh and come fuck your husband.
Ass eating.
Ass to mouth.
Asymptomatic spread.
Bad emotions I don't want.
Baffling incompetence.
Bearing with me as I learn how to use this new technology.
Becoming increasingly concerned.
Becoming sad forever.
Being Canadian.
Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Being a little more appreciative.
Being a slave to the capitalist system.
Being blind but having super strength but having Coronavirus but being invisible.
Being chosen by God to die of Coronavirus.
Being horny and sad.
Being in a constant state of anxiety.
Being knowledgeable in a narrow domain that nobody understands or cares about, such as virology.
Being locked in a dog cage for a couple of days until we’re sure there’s no symptoms.
Being so sad all the time.
Being thankful your mom is alive and kicking.
Being too old for this shit.
Being totally out of touch with the rest of the world.
Being young and in love in New York City.
Being young and living in New York City.
Big Beefy baseball boys that are gone.
Big Italian women making the spicy sauce and dying of Coronavirus.
Big business, man.
Big pharma.
Big, smart money boys tap-tapping on their keyboards and tanking the stock market.
Bingeing and purging.
Bingo night!
Biochemical warfare.
Blaming the victim.
Blatant disregard of FDA regulations.
Blowing up a hospital.
Boarded up buildings.
Burying my only son.
Bustin' into tears.
Buying all the Chef Boyardee in order to survive.
Buying and returning clothes just to have someone to talk to.
Buying healthcare stock and laughing all the way to the bank.
Buying virtual clothes for a Sim family instead of real clothes for a real family.
COVID-19.
Calculating the next masturbation window.
Calling mom because it's just really hard and I miss her and I don't know anyone here.
Calling out my own name and slapping my own ass.
Cards Against Humanity.
Caring.
Casual dismissiveness.
Catching Coronavirus from an airport glory hole.
Catching Coronavirus.
Catching new and mysterious diseases from a dead bat.
Catching pneumonia and dying.
Ceasing to breathe.
Charades!
Cheap cruise tickets.
Cheating at Solitaire like a fucking loser.
Child abuse.
China.
Chinese people.
Civilian casualties.
Civilization.
Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar to get the last box of Kleenex.
Clenched butt cheeks.
Closing my eyes for the last time.
Coaching the 7th grade girls' basketball team via Skype.
Collapsing in grief.
Collateralized debt obligations.
College.
Colony collapse disorder.
Coming down with Coronavirus.
Complaining about all the world's problems to my ball python, Worm.
Completely unwarranted confidence.
Congress' flaccid penises withering away beneath their suit pants.
Conservative talking points.
Constant weeping.
Contaminating stuff.
Contracting Coronavirus.
Corona and lime.
Coronavirus patients.
Coronavirus positive.
Coronavirus, but it’s an old Armenian hooker named Anahit.
Coronavirus-related fatalities.
Coronavirus.
Coughing in people's faces.
Coughing on old people.
Coughing parties.
Coughing up a Cheez-It®.
Coughing up last night's blowjob.
Crippling debt.
Crouching in a corner for the rest of my life.
Crowdfunding my daughter's bone marrow transplant.
Cruising along just below the poverty line.
Crying about the dead baby.
Crying and masturbating and crying some more.
Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti.
Crying in the shower.
Crying into a bottle of peach schnapps.
Cutting health funding.
Daddy's belt.
Darwinism.
Day drinking.
Dead parents.
Death on a scale that can only be described as "biblical".
Death.
Deceiving the American people.
Deciding who lives and who dies.
Defying health officials.
Delighting in the pain of others.
Depression.
Descending into madness.
Desperately hurling insults at Donald Trump as he absorbs them into his rapidly-expanding body.
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends".
Disease.
Disrespecting the elderly.
Doctors.
Doing your civic duty: nothing.
Donald Trump's latest fucking thing.
Donald Trump's strange and narcissistic behavior.
Donning gas masks.
Downplaying the apocalypse.
Drinking a bottle and a half of cough syrup and going into shock on the bathroom floor.
Drinking alone.
Drinking away my dead son's college fund.
Drinking enough alcohol to enjoy life for a few hours.
Drinking one last beer with Grandma before she dies.
Drinking white wine, dancing around the living room, and yelling at my children.
Drive-thru liquor stores.
Driving to a Walmart parking lot and staring into the distance for eight hours.
Dropping dead.
Dropping like flies.
Dry cough, fever, tiredness, and difficulty breathing.
Dry heaving.
Dubious pseudoscientific nonsense.
Dying a virgin.
Dying alone and in pain.
Dying at 20.
Dying of Coronavirus.
Dying.
Eating a fucking raw ass bat.
Eating a small dinner and then lying down again.
Eating alone in front of the television.
Eating bugs to survive.
Eating green vegetables and staying under 25.
Eating soup in the nude.
Emerging from the sea and rampaging through Tokyo.
Emotional unavailability.
Emotions.
Empty shelves.
Ending the world.
Endless fields of corpses.
Endless stress.
Enough idiots to cause a serious public health crisis.
Erratically explaining that some races are more responsible for the pandemic than others.
Even more money.
Everybody getting killed except for Kanye.
Exercise, if that's a thing.
Exposing the corrupting influence of money in politics.
Extra rations for my little girl.
Extracting the maximum amount of money from naive consumers.
Faith healing.
Fake news.
Falling over dead.
Family game night.
Famine.
Father's cough.
Father's dying words.
Fear mongering.
Feeling like your whole world is collapsing.
Feeling the future is hopeless and there will be no world for our children.
Feeling unsafe.
Feeling what not having hope feels like.
Filing for unemployment.
Finally appreciating doctors.
Finally understanding agoraphobia.
Finding the strength to go on.
Five morons signing a lease together.
Flatlining.
Flattening the curve.
Forcing a handjob on a dying man.
Forgetting everything you know about household cleaning products.
Forgetting to breathe and then dying.
Fox News.
Frantically writing spread rate equations on a chalkboard.
Freaking out and shit.
Free two-day shipping with Amazon Prime.
French fries that remind me of my dead father, who loved french fries.
Fresh Air with Terry Gross.
Fucking a corpse back to life.
Fucking my sister.
Fucking my wife.
Fucking over future generations.
Fucking up America's budget.
Full-on socialism.
Funding science.
Galloping around the hospital.
General unhappiness.
Generally having no idea what's going on.
Generational wealth.
Gently smothering an old man.
Genuine human connection.
Getting Coronavirus.
Getting Mommy another beer.
Getting back to work.
Getting bitten by a radioactive spider and catching Coronavirus from it.
Getting caught outside by the police and going to jail.
Getting depressed and super fat.
Getting down to business to defeat the virus.
Getting eaten out while on the phone with Dad.
Getting evicted.
Getting high with mom.
Getting laid off.
Getting the life-changing news that Grandma is alive and well.
Getting your ass ate.
Giving Coronavirus whatever it wants so it leaves us alone.
Giving Dad a call.
Giving a man a steak and sending him on his way.
Giving it a good scrub to make sure all the dirt is gone.
Giving one of those "microwave dinners" a whirl.
Giving up and going to Burger King.
Gluing dried macaroni to paper and mourning the loss of my son.
Going an entire day without masturbating.
Going cuckoo and drowning your kids in the bathtub.
Going inside at some point because of the pandemic.
Going into hiding.
Going outside and then remembering there’s danger and then going back inside.
Going outside.
Going too far with science and bad things happening.
Going viral.
Going with my gut and spending all my money on hand sanitizer.
Good ol' fashioned face-to-face conversation.
Grandma's big, beady eyes.
Grandma's toothless gums slapping together.
Grandma.
Grandpa's ashes.
Grandpa's frail, bony fingers.
Grandpa's shriveled body.
Guaranteed respiratory failure.
Gulping some hand sanitizer.
Having $57 in the bank.
Having a full-on mental breakdown.
Having a strong opinion about Obamacare.
Having a tummy ache.
Having difficulty coping with the death of a loved one.
Having fun, but not for very long.
Having no idea how to use an electric grill.
Having no idea what the fuck is going on.
Having the audacity to breathe.
Having to leave your family behind.
Healthcare.gov.
Helping the elderly.
Hoarding toilet paper like some kind of weak-rectumed dragon.
Holding Kyle's hand, just for a second.
Holding up the line at Walgreens by trying to use an expired coupon.
Hom Tanks.
Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®.
Homeless people.
Hope.
Hospice care.
Hospitalizing thousands.
Hot doctors.
How boring the music has become.
How bright the sun is.
How cool it is to not have Coronavirus.
How cool it is to smoke cigarettes.
How horrible it is that people who have never experienced racism find ways to justify it.
How many Asians there are.
How nice Tom Hanks is in person.
How quiet the city is.
How sad it will be when Morgan Freeman catches Coronavirus.
However many old people we can afford to lose.
Huffing and puffing and succumbing to lung failure.
Human extinction.
Human lives.
Human trials.
Hungry, homeless college kids.
Hurting those closest to me.
Increasing economic and political polarization.
Indescribable loneliness.
Insider trading.
Insufficient serotonin.
Intense lung pain.
Ironically buying a trucker hat and then ironically being a trucker for 38 years.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Isolation.
Italians.
Italy.
Jerking it off-screen.
Jobs.
Joe Biden.
Just going for a walk around the park.
Just sobbing.
Just the overall current state of things.
Killing anyone who steps foot on my property.
Killing civilians to own the Libs.
Kissing grandma on the forehead and turning off her life support.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Large groups.
Laying a lifetime of burdens on young children.
Leading a country to war on false pretenses.
Learning about new and exciting versions of reality within the confines of a re-education camp.
Letting Bernie Sanders rest his world-weary head on your lap.
Letting everyone down.
Letting everyone out of jail.
Letting pawpaw die.
Letting yourself go.
Liberals.
Licking everything and everyone.
Licking feet.
Licking the cake batter off of grandma's fingers.
Licking the toilet as Mistress commands.
Life.
Little Timmy's stubborn refusal to go outside.
Living by the sword and dying by Coronavirus.
Long-distance anal sex.
Losing a loved one to Fox News.
Losing grandma to Coronavirus.
Losing grandpa to Coronavirus.
Losing my son at 31.
Lying dead in the lobby of the doctor’s office.
Lysol.
Maintaining six feet of distance.
Making America great again.
Making Dad cry.
Making an example of this kindly old man here.
Making every possible mistake.
Many bats.
Mass graves.
Mass hysteria on a global scale.
Masturbating and crying and masturbating some more.
Masturbating to a porn star who's dead now.
Masturbating to my dead spouse's final voicemail message.
Mayhem, like me.
Me, an Asian man.
Men in ties talking all the time.
Moral bankruptcy.
More dead old people than I anticipated.
More soap!
Morphing into an ambulance.
My arsenal of maladaptive coping mechanisms.
My deepest condolences.
My frail, aging body.
My illegal stash of stolen N95 masks.
My lifeless corpse.
My little sister's deathbed confession.
My slowly draining sanity.
Naked Zoom night.
New York City.
Nodding solemnly, a vacant look in my eye, and acknowledging that we’re fucked.
Not only having dry heaves but also wet ones.
Not really caring about other people.
Not vaccinating my children.
Notifying next of kin.
Nurses.
One of those awesome lady nurses who understands your pain.
Only a very small number of survivors.
Only calling Mom to make sure she's ok.
Only caring about the short-term.
Only having 15 dollars to spend.
Only showering once a month.
Opening for business because we are a business.
Our capitalist overlords.
Our nation's darkest hour.
Our random and cruel universe.
Our shithole president.
Out-of-pocket expenses.
Paid leave.
Partying.
Peaking.
Perhaps the end of the human race.
Plague masks.
Planning my child's funeral.
Playing Cards Against Humanity until we're in physical pain.
Playing doctor.
Playing truth or dare with the kids.
Politicizing a tragedy.
Pooping in the shower and waffle stomping it down the drain.
Poorly-timed ventilator shortages.
Praying the virus away.
Praying.
Pretending I'm a doctor.
Pretending the Prozac is helping.
Pretending to be informed.
Prioritizing stoking racial tensions over the dissemination of accurate and life-saving information.
Putting poop back where it came from because we all know the cost of toilet paper these days.
Putting the elderly out of their misery.
Putting up with shit from your boss, but now it’s on Zoom.
Putting you out of your misery.
Quarantine.
Rampant fear and doubt.
Realizing it’s time for a divorce.
Realizing most of your social life consists of going out and spending money with people you hate.
Really fucking bad news.
Really putting a damper on things.
Refusing to believe that I am racist.
Rent.
Repeating history.
Repopulating the earth.
Restarting the economy.
Rethinking this whole ‘Capitalism’ thing.
Riding out the rest of existence in the sweet embrace of inanimate nothingness.
Risking one’s life for a pack of Oreos.
Rubbing pot roast on the screen door while my son licks it from the other side to avoid contact.
Rudy Giuliani's unfathomable incompetence.
Running out of toilet paper.
Running up to various homeless people and screaming "go home".
SARS.
Sacrificing Grandma to the Dow Jones.
Scoring cheap political points at the expense of the oppressed.
Screaming at the sky that this isn't real, that this isn't happening, that I need to wake up.
Screaming into the void.
Screaming through the phone at my piece of shit kid while trying to buy 98 things in the Walmart express lane.
Scrubbing my hands until they’re squeaky-clean.
Self-quarantine.
Shooting the first person who coughs.
Sighing in disapproval at the mention of China.
Sitting alone eating a kumquat.
Sitting in the agonizing comfort of your own home.
Sitting on Earth's largest couch.
Sitting on my son's bed thinking, "I could kill him".
Slowly going extinct.
Slowly reaching the limit of my tolerance.
Smiling half-heartedly.
Smothering the globe in soap bubbles.
So much winning.
Social distancing.
Social interaction.
Solidarity.
Solitude.
Some dude with a ponytail who talks about bureaucracy.
Some guy who isn't funny named Anthony Fauci.
Some pretty hardcore themes for a furniture commercial.
Soul-crushing silence.
Spending quality time at home with what remains of my family.
Spluttering and convulsing.
Spreading Communism to all who will listen.
Spreading undetected through the population.
Spreading.
Staring at a wall for a full eight hours.
Starting to get the hang of this whole "lawn care" thing.
Staying home every night, downloading increasingly shameful pornography.
Staying indoors.
Staying the fuck inside!
Steak night!
Sticking with Trump through it all.
Still being alive, I guess.
Still being on the fence about if I should have sex or not.
Stoking the flames of racism.
Stopping the spread of Coronavirus.
Storing nuts in my mouth for the next six months of quarantine.
Stress-eating 15 jars of Nutella®.
Succumbing to Coronavirus.
Sudden death!
Suddenly becoming a socialist.
Suffering.
Survival.
Suspiciously Asian noodles.
Takeout.
Taking my first dick in forever.
Taking this time appreciate one another and reevaluate our lives.
Tearfully masturbating to reruns of "The Daily Show".
Televangelists.
Telling Dad I love him.
Telling Grandma where I plan to bury her.
Telling a dying man to "get back to work".
Telling your partner you love him but you can't have sex with him right now.
Temporary socialism.
Testing negative.
Testing positive.
That hot uncle you never get to see anymore.
That time Dad was diagnosed with Coronavirus and died.
That wedding dress I never wore because the world ended.
The .01% of bacteria Lysol® is powerless to stop.
The CDC.
The Chinese Virus.
The Ching-Chong Ding-Dong Foundation for Sensitivity to Orientals or Whatever.
The Democrat’s greatest hoax: Coronavirus.
The Flu.
The New York stock exchange.
The SARS that took little Eustace this autumn past.
The Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918.
The Wuhan Flu.
The amount of poop one can produce in a day.
The apocalypse.
The bread lines.
The cobwebs in my vagina.
The cold, hard truth that death is near.
The comforting presence of a dog.
The darkened times after the fall of man when the birds chirp no more.
The days of yore.
The economy.
The elderly.
The end of America, at the very least.
The end of civilization.
The federal response to Coronavirus.
The feds.
The freak from that math problem who bought 42 watermelons but turned out to have the right idea.
The horror and confusion of watching Donald Trump do something right.
The hospital.
The human body.
The illusion of choice in a late-stage capitalist society.
The impending collapse of the middle class.
The impending deaths of millions of your fellow humans.
The importance of having fun.
The innate desire to drink alone.
The morbidly obese.
The morose marathon that is life.
The mouth area.
The novel Coronavirus.
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
The physical imperfection of an old man.
The piked skull of the last person who dared come within six feet of me.
The privilege of existing.
The profoundly handicapped.
The promise of a better tomorrow.
The pure joy of a dog whose parents are always home.
The rapidly shifting political landscape we face today.
The real pillars of society.
The reality that we're all going to die, and there will be no one to remember our stories.
The sadness that I feel.
The scientific process.
The second-best hospital in the area.
The shocking stupidity of the American public.
The struggle.
The survivors of President Trump's first term in office.
The three billion people living in extreme poverty.
The total collapse of the global financial system.
The truth.
The ungodly feats of efficiency that can be achieved when the rich fear consequences.
The untimely demise of my Italian trophy wife, Angelina.
The vacant streets and clear skies of Los Angeles.
The violation of our most basic human rights.
The wonders of science!
The wonders of the Orient.
The worst pain imaginable. Times two!
The wrath of God.
The wrong week to quit drinking.
There being too many people around to reasonably get naked.
These kleptomaniacal rich men who run our government.
Thinking about conserving food and then eating six cans of ravioli.
This almost-safe cruise ship.
This box I live in.
This cup in which I'm going to need a urine sample from you.
This dead body I found.
This disaster that nobody could have predicted except every health official and data-driven simulations.
This old lady next to me who won't stop coughing.
Those who survive.
Thoughts and prayers.
Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
Three months in the hole.
Throwing a tantrum and telling everyone not to touch you anymore.
Toilet paper. Anti-vaxxers.
Tolerating my family.
Tonic and gin.
Toppling large governments.
Total fucking chaos.
Totally ignorant and delusional opinions.
Totally ignoring your father's death wishes.
Totally ineffective political satire.
Totally unlearning all the baseball skills.
Touching all the microphones.
Touching everything.
Travelling.
Trillions of taxpayer dollars down the drain!
Trying to keep it together.
Trying to maintain some semblance of civility.
Trying to pass the time by painting a picture.
Trying to wake up from this nightmare.
Turning 32.
Turning poor people against each other so they don't pay attention to economic inequality.
Tweaking my nipples a little before breaking down and crying.
Tweeting.
Two bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart because there’s a global pandemic.
Two cancelled tickets to "Hamilton".
Two hours on PornHub.
Two young lovers with nothing better to do.
Ugh.
Underestimating the stupidity of the average American.
Unfathomable stupidity.
Unnecessarily sensual Zoom messages.
Ushering in the apocalypse.
Using a FitBit to masturbate for 2 miles.
Using a Smucker's Uncrustable™ as a maxi pad.
Ventilators.
Vigilante justice.
Voter suppression.
War with China.
Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
Weeding out the old and sick.
Well-deserved Coronavirus.
What Dad has to say about Chinese people.
Whatever is necessary to make life satisfactory.
When I choke and choke and choke.
When government loses control.
Whichever one of you took a shit in the shower.
Whipping lower-class white men into a xenophobic frenzy.
Whiskey to calm my nerves.
Wifely duties.
Winking at old people.
Wiping down every surface.
Witnessing the decline of every industry.
Wondering if it's possible to get some of that salsa to go.
Wondering why white people love baseball so much.
Working from home.
Wrapping myself in a blanket and making a me burrito.
Wuhan, China.
Xenophobia.
Xi Jinping.
Yet another racist tweet.
Young students full of online education and debt.
Your corpse.
Your enduring love and support.
Your mother calling and saying she's had enough.
Zoom.
submitted by BOBULANCE to cardsagainsthumanity [link] [comments]


2020.04.02 05:53 BOBULANCE Unofficial COVID-19 Expansion

Cards Against Humanity Coronavirus Box
The CAH Coronavirus Box is a timely and contagiously fun addition to your custom deck. Compiled from an undistinguished mix of original cards, shamelessly stolen and furthermore uncredited cards from across the Internet, cards from the official Cards Against Humanity AI, and official cards from existing decks, this is the perfect deck to ride out the apocalypse on a wave of laughter and depression. Many of the existing cards have even been tweaked to fit your pandemic survival needs, and almost all are guaranteed to be obsolete within a year (we hope).
The CAH Coronavirus Box is NOT designed to be played on its own, and is intended to be mixed with the base deck and existing expansions for the full experience. The deck is designed from a United States perspective in line with the perspective of the base game's creators.
To add this deck to your online XYZZY game, copy-paste the following command into your room's chat box:
/addcardcast QX663
If you have a larger XYZZY base deck (5k white cards or more) and this pack's cards aren't showing up enough, use the duplicate version:
/addcardcast CZD7D
And now, the moment you've been reading for, the full list of included cards! See the comments for the black card list.
Edit: More cards are being added to the cardcast decks as this pandemic develops, including over 5 more black cards and over 40 more white cards not listed below.
**WHITE**
$1,200 Trump Bucks.
20 tons of bat shit.
24-hour media coverage.
29 minutes of a rat-faced Englishman telling me sad facts.
400 of the required 30,000 ventilators.
50 mg of Zoloft daily.
A 3% mortality rate.
A 55-gallon drum of hand sanitizer.
A 7-hour decontamination bath.
A Catholic priest that actually respects boundaries for once.
A Zoom sext.
A bad time to be a libertarian.
A barn that's perfect for storing human bodies.
A bidet.
A bunker full of canned goods and ammunition.
A cloud of joylessness and aerosolized virus particles that slowly encompasses the earth.
A cold and indifferent universe.
A complete inability to understand anyone else's perspective.
A compromised immune system.
A cough and a sudden urge to travel.
A cure for Coronavirus.
A dark future full of troubles.
A dead guy.
A deserted stretch of highway.
A doctor shortage.
A dream team of our nation's greatest scientific minds and Mike Pence for some reason.
A father and son fighting each other over the last scrap of bread.
A freshly-sorority-less sorority girl.
A full pantry, a warm bed, and advanced plumbing.
A full-on panic attack.
A fun, sexy, fatal time at Miami Beach.
A funeral home dumpster that's unfortunately full.
A global pandemic.
A gnawing sense of dread.
A grandma-sized coffin.
A grocery store receipt that would suggest I am a single man who loves Cheetos and pooping.
A hazmat suit full of farts.
A hooker with a heart of gold and a severe case of COVID-19.
A lab mouse that simply refuses to die.
A law that allows factories to dump toxic waste into children's mouths.
A legitimate reason to commit suicide.
A liberal bias.
A life expectancy of five days.
A lifetime of sadness.
A living wage.
A lone tumbleweed silently drifting down a vacant city block.
A long Zoom meeting with no obvious purpose.
A long, hard day of not being able to find work.
A long, unforgiving quarantine.
A low standard of living.
A motherfucking flamethrower.
A never-ending homework load.
A night alone with the kids.
A nurse but he's a man.
A penny, a chip, and a used napkin.
A perfectly secluded lake-side cabin where I can ride this thing out in peace.
A plague unto our people.
A plentiful toilet paper that gives splinters called tree bark.
A poop emergency.
A possible Chinese person.
A president who is just as fat and stupid as I am.
A protracted siege.
A proud first responder.
A radical rethinking of employment-based healthcare.
A rat with Coronavirus and a little hat.
A real bitch of a situation.
A severe breach of the Hippocratic oath.
A short dance so you won't think about the pandemic for 10 minutes.
A single-payer healthcare system.
A slow death.
A sterile, joyless, bland existence.
A test kit.
A tired and emotional mother of three.
A toxic family environment.
A trillion-dollar stimulus package.
A vastly superior healthcare system.
A very dead baby.
A video of a naked woman telling me nice things so I can masturbate despite my stress levels.
A way to live that is stable and satisfying called ‘moving to Canada’.
A web of lies.
A zero-risk way to make $1,200 from home.
Absolute certainty that I don't have Coronavirus.
Accepting the way things are.
Accidentally broadcasting an NSFW video to 5,000 people.
Actually contributing to this household instead of just sitting on your lazy ass all day watching Gilmore Girls reruns.
Actually dying.
Adequate medical equipment.
Advocating for the deaths of 2.2 million Americans.
Alienating my family members.
All but like 12 Americans living in poverty.
All my dead hopes and dreams.
All my dead sisters.
All my friends dying.
All of us. At home all day. Staring at the walls. Looking for answers.
All the bacteria in a Chuck-E-Cheese.
All these dead bodies.
Allowing mother nature to do her thing.
America's crumbling healthcare system.
An Asian, I think.
An Italian meatball with the singular drive to kill.
An abandoned Kmart parking lot just before dawn.
An alternate universe in which Coronavirus has successfully eliminated all human life.
An angry, vengeful God.
An entrenched class system.
An especially moist handshake.
An extremely fast-acting and convenient way to die called Coronavirus.
An old guy who's almost dead.
An old man passing away on a gurney.
An old man who just died.
An old people's home with little or no old people left.
An older man.
An unexpected end to America’s school shooting epidemic.
An unfortunate parade of misery.
Andrew Cuomo.
Another shit hitting a fan situation.
Another shitty year.
Anything Asian.
Asia.
Asians who aren't good at math.
Asking me to come over and fuck your husband and then I’m like, “no”. And you’re like, “why?” and I’m like, “haven’t you heard? We’re under quarantine.” And you’re like, “holy shit, what?” And I’m like, “yeah, it’s Coronavirus. It’s global now and killing everybody.” And you’re like, “good prank. How’d you know I’ve been technology free?” And I’m like, “Dianne, seriously, check the news.” And you’re like, “oh fuck. Fuck, you’re right. Oh God. It’s over. Humanity’s over.” And I’m like, “yeah.” And you’re like, “It’s horrible.” And I’m like, “Dianne?” And you’re like, “yes, Carol?” And I’m like, “do you still want me to fuck your husband?” And you’re like “yes, I would love for you to fuck my husband.” And then I sigh and come fuck your husband.
Ass eating.
Ass to mouth.
Asymptomatic spread.
Bad emotions I don't want.
Baffling incompetence.
Bearing with me as I learn how to use this new technology.
Becoming increasingly concerned.
Becoming sad forever.
Being Canadian.
Being a busy adult with many important things to do.
Being a little more appreciative.
Being a slave to the capitalist system.
Being blind but having super strength but having Coronavirus but being invisible.
Being chosen by God to die of Coronavirus.
Being horny and sad.
Being in a constant state of anxiety.
Being knowledgeable in a narrow domain that nobody understands or cares about, such as virology.
Being locked in a dog cage for a couple of days until we’re sure there’s no symptoms.
Being so sad all the time.
Being thankful your mom is alive and kicking.
Being too old for this shit.
Being totally out of touch with the rest of the world.
Being young and in love in New York City.
Being young and living in New York City.
Big Beefy baseball boys that are gone.
Big Italian women making the spicy sauce and dying of Coronavirus.
Big business, man.
Big pharma.
Big, smart money boys tap-tapping on their keyboards and tanking the stock market.
Bingeing and purging.
Bingo night!
Biochemical warfare.
Blaming the victim.
Blatant disregard of FDA regulations.
Blowing up a hospital.
Boarded up buildings.
Burying my only son.
Bustin' into tears.
Buying all the Chef Boyardee in order to survive.
Buying and returning clothes just to have someone to talk to.
Buying healthcare stock and laughing all the way to the bank.
Buying virtual clothes for a Sim family instead of real clothes for a real family.
COVID-19.
Calculating the next masturbation window.
Calling mom because it's just really hard and I miss her and I don't know anyone here.
Calling out my own name and slapping my own ass.
Cards Against Humanity.
Caring.
Casual dismissiveness.
Catching Coronavirus from an airport glory hole.
Catching Coronavirus.
Catching new and mysterious diseases from a dead bat.
Catching pneumonia and dying.
Ceasing to breathe.
Charades!
Cheap cruise tickets.
Cheating at Solitaire like a fucking loser.
Child abuse.
China.
Chinese people.
Civilian casualties.
Civilization.
Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar to get the last box of Kleenex.
Clenched butt cheeks.
Closing my eyes for the last time.
Coaching the 7th grade girls' basketball team via Skype.
Collapsing in grief.
Collateralized debt obligations.
College.
Colony collapse disorder.
Coming down with Coronavirus.
Complaining about all the world's problems to my ball python, Worm.
Completely unwarranted confidence.
Congress' flaccid penises withering away beneath their suit pants.
Conservative talking points.
Constant weeping.
Contaminating stuff.
Contracting Coronavirus.
Corona and lime.
Coronavirus patients.
Coronavirus positive.
Coronavirus, but it’s an old Armenian hooker named Anahit.
Coronavirus-related fatalities.
Coronavirus.
Coughing in people's faces.
Coughing on old people.
Coughing parties.
Coughing up a Cheez-It®.
Coughing up last night's blowjob.
Crippling debt.
Crouching in a corner for the rest of my life.
Crowdfunding my daughter's bone marrow transplant.
Cruising along just below the poverty line.
Crying about the dead baby.
Crying and masturbating and crying some more.
Crying and shitting and eating spaghetti.
Crying in the shower.
Crying into a bottle of peach schnapps.
Cutting health funding.
Daddy's belt.
Darwinism.
Day drinking.
Dead parents.
Death on a scale that can only be described as "biblical".
Death.
Deceiving the American people.
Deciding who lives and who dies.
Defying health officials.
Delighting in the pain of others.
Depression.
Descending into madness.
Desperately hurling insults at Donald Trump as he absorbs them into his rapidly-expanding body.
Dining with cardboard cutouts of the cast of "Friends".
Disease.
Disrespecting the elderly.
Doctors.
Doing your civic duty: nothing.
Donald Trump's latest fucking thing.
Donald Trump's strange and narcissistic behavior.
Donning gas masks.
Downplaying the apocalypse.
Drinking a bottle and a half of cough syrup and going into shock on the bathroom floor.
Drinking alone.
Drinking away my dead son's college fund.
Drinking enough alcohol to enjoy life for a few hours.
Drinking one last beer with Grandma before she dies.
Drinking white wine, dancing around the living room, and yelling at my children.
Drive-thru liquor stores.
Driving to a Walmart parking lot and staring into the distance for eight hours.
Dropping dead.
Dropping like flies.
Dry cough, fever, tiredness, and difficulty breathing.
Dry heaving.
Dubious pseudoscientific nonsense.
Dying a virgin.
Dying alone and in pain.
Dying at 20.
Dying of Coronavirus.
Dying.
Eating a fucking raw ass bat.
Eating a small dinner and then lying down again.
Eating alone in front of the television.
Eating bugs to survive.
Eating green vegetables and staying under 25.
Eating soup in the nude.
Emerging from the sea and rampaging through Tokyo.
Emotional unavailability.
Emotions.
Empty shelves.
Ending the world.
Endless fields of corpses.
Endless stress.
Enough idiots to cause a serious public health crisis.
Erratically explaining that some races are more responsible for the pandemic than others.
Even more money.
Everybody getting killed except for Kanye.
Exercise, if that's a thing.
Exposing the corrupting influence of money in politics.
Extra rations for my little girl.
Extracting the maximum amount of money from naive consumers.
Faith healing.
Fake news.
Falling over dead.
Family game night.
Famine.
Father's cough.
Father's dying words.
Fear mongering.
Feeling like your whole world is collapsing.
Feeling the future is hopeless and there will be no world for our children.
Feeling unsafe.
Feeling what not having hope feels like.
Filing for unemployment.
Finally appreciating doctors.
Finally understanding agoraphobia.
Finding the strength to go on.
Five morons signing a lease together.
Flatlining.
Flattening the curve.
Forcing a handjob on a dying man.
Forgetting everything you know about household cleaning products.
Forgetting to breathe and then dying.
Fox News.
Frantically writing spread rate equations on a chalkboard.
Freaking out and shit.
Free two-day shipping with Amazon Prime.
French fries that remind me of my dead father, who loved french fries.
Fresh Air with Terry Gross.
Fucking a corpse back to life.
Fucking my sister.
Fucking my wife.
Fucking over future generations.
Fucking up America's budget.
Full-on socialism.
Funding science.
Galloping around the hospital.
General unhappiness.
Generally having no idea what's going on.
Generational wealth.
Gently smothering an old man.
Genuine human connection.
Getting Coronavirus.
Getting Mommy another beer.
Getting back to work.
Getting bitten by a radioactive spider and catching Coronavirus from it.
Getting caught outside by the police and going to jail.
Getting depressed and super fat.
Getting down to business to defeat the virus.
Getting eaten out while on the phone with Dad.
Getting evicted.
Getting high with mom.
Getting laid off.
Getting the life-changing news that Grandma is alive and well.
Getting your ass ate.
Giving Coronavirus whatever it wants so it leaves us alone.
Giving Dad a call.
Giving a man a steak and sending him on his way.
Giving it a good scrub to make sure all the dirt is gone.
Giving one of those "microwave dinners" a whirl.
Giving up and going to Burger King.
Gluing dried macaroni to paper and mourning the loss of my son.
Going an entire day without masturbating.
Going cuckoo and drowning your kids in the bathtub.
Going inside at some point because of the pandemic.
Going into hiding.
Going outside and then remembering there’s danger and then going back inside.
Going outside.
Going too far with science and bad things happening.
Going viral.
Going with my gut and spending all my money on hand sanitizer.
Good ol' fashioned face-to-face conversation.
Grandma's big, beady eyes.
Grandma's toothless gums slapping together.
Grandma.
Grandpa's ashes.
Grandpa's frail, bony fingers.
Grandpa's shriveled body.
Guaranteed respiratory failure.
Gulping some hand sanitizer.
Having $57 in the bank.
Having a full-on mental breakdown.
Having a strong opinion about Obamacare.
Having a tummy ache.
Having difficulty coping with the death of a loved one.
Having fun, but not for very long.
Having no idea how to use an electric grill.
Having no idea what the fuck is going on.
Having the audacity to breathe.
Having to leave your family behind.
Healthcare.gov.
Helping the elderly.
Hoarding toilet paper like some kind of weak-rectumed dragon.
Holding Kyle's hand, just for a second.
Holding up the line at Walgreens by trying to use an expired coupon.
Hom Tanks.
Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®.
Homeless people.
Hope.
Hospice care.
Hospitalizing thousands.
Hot doctors.
How boring the music has become.
How bright the sun is.
How cool it is to not have Coronavirus.
How cool it is to smoke cigarettes.
How horrible it is that people who have never experienced racism find ways to justify it.
How many Asians there are.
How nice Tom Hanks is in person.
How quiet the city is.
How sad it will be when Morgan Freeman catches Coronavirus.
However many old people we can afford to lose.
Huffing and puffing and succumbing to lung failure.
Human extinction.
Human lives.
Human trials.
Hungry, homeless college kids.
Hurting those closest to me.
Increasing economic and political polarization.
Indescribable loneliness.
Insider trading.
Insufficient serotonin.
Intense lung pain.
Ironically buying a trucker hat and then ironically being a trucker for 38 years.
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Isolation.
Italians.
Italy.
Jerking it off-screen.
Jobs.
Joe Biden.
Just going for a walk around the park.
Just sobbing.
Just the overall current state of things.
Killing anyone who steps foot on my property.
Killing civilians to own the Libs.
Kissing grandma on the forehead and turning off her life support.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Large groups.
Laying a lifetime of burdens on young children.
Leading a country to war on false pretenses.
Learning about new and exciting versions of reality within the confines of a re-education camp.
Letting Bernie Sanders rest his world-weary head on your lap.
Letting everyone down.
Letting everyone out of jail.
Letting pawpaw die.
Letting yourself go.
Liberals.
Licking everything and everyone.
Licking feet.
Licking the cake batter off of grandma's fingers.
Licking the toilet as Mistress commands.
Life.
Little Timmy's stubborn refusal to go outside.
Living by the sword and dying by Coronavirus.
Long-distance anal sex.
Losing a loved one to Fox News.
Losing grandma to Coronavirus.
Losing grandpa to Coronavirus.
Losing my son at 31.
Lying dead in the lobby of the doctor’s office.
Lysol.
Maintaining six feet of distance.
Making America great again.
Making Dad cry.
Making an example of this kindly old man here.
Making every possible mistake.
Many bats.
Mass graves.
Mass hysteria on a global scale.
Masturbating and crying and masturbating some more.
Masturbating to a porn star who's dead now.
Masturbating to my dead spouse's final voicemail message.
Mayhem, like me.
Me, an Asian man.
Men in ties talking all the time.
Moral bankruptcy.
More dead old people than I anticipated.
More soap!
Morphing into an ambulance.
My arsenal of maladaptive coping mechanisms.
My deepest condolences.
My frail, aging body.
My illegal stash of stolen N95 masks.
My lifeless corpse.
My little sister's deathbed confession.
My slowly draining sanity.
Naked Zoom night.
New York City.
Nodding solemnly, a vacant look in my eye, and acknowledging that we’re fucked.
Not only having dry heaves but also wet ones.
Not really caring about other people.
Not vaccinating my children.
Notifying next of kin.
Nurses.
One of those awesome lady nurses who understands your pain.
Only a very small number of survivors.
Only calling Mom to make sure she's ok.
Only caring about the short-term.
Only having 15 dollars to spend.
Only showering once a month.
Opening for business because we are a business.
Our capitalist overlords.
Our nation's darkest hour.
Our random and cruel universe.
Our shithole president.
Out-of-pocket expenses.
Paid leave.
Partying.
Peaking.
Perhaps the end of the human race.
Plague masks.
Planning my child's funeral.
Playing Cards Against Humanity until we're in physical pain.
Playing doctor.
Playing truth or dare with the kids.
Politicizing a tragedy.
Pooping in the shower and waffle stomping it down the drain.
Poorly-timed ventilator shortages.
Praying the virus away.
Praying.
Pretending I'm a doctor.
Pretending the Prozac is helping.
Pretending to be informed.
Prioritizing stoking racial tensions over the dissemination of accurate and life-saving information.
Putting poop back where it came from because we all know the cost of toilet paper these days.
Putting the elderly out of their misery.
Putting up with shit from your boss, but now it’s on Zoom.
Putting you out of your misery.
Quarantine.
Rampant fear and doubt.
Realizing it’s time for a divorce.
Realizing most of your social life consists of going out and spending money with people you hate.
Really fucking bad news.
Really putting a damper on things.
Refusing to believe that I am racist.
Rent.
Repeating history.
Repopulating the earth.
Restarting the economy.
Rethinking this whole ‘Capitalism’ thing.
Riding out the rest of existence in the sweet embrace of inanimate nothingness.
Risking one’s life for a pack of Oreos.
Rubbing pot roast on the screen door while my son licks it from the other side to avoid contact.
Rudy Giuliani's unfathomable incompetence.
Running out of toilet paper.
Running up to various homeless people and screaming "go home".
SARS.
Sacrificing Grandma to the Dow Jones.
Scoring cheap political points at the expense of the oppressed.
Screaming at the sky that this isn't real, that this isn't happening, that I need to wake up.
Screaming into the void.
Screaming through the phone at my piece of shit kid while trying to buy 98 things in the Walmart express lane.
Scrubbing my hands until they’re squeaky-clean.
Self-quarantine.
Shooting the first person who coughs.
Sighing in disapproval at the mention of China.
Sitting alone eating a kumquat.
Sitting in the agonizing comfort of your own home.
Sitting on Earth's largest couch.
Sitting on my son's bed thinking, "I could kill him".
Slowly going extinct.
Slowly reaching the limit of my tolerance.
Smiling half-heartedly.
Smothering the globe in soap bubbles.
So much winning.
Social distancing.
Social interaction.
Solidarity.
Solitude.
Some dude with a ponytail who talks about bureaucracy.
Some guy who isn't funny named Anthony Fauci.
Some pretty hardcore themes for a furniture commercial.
Soul-crushing silence.
Spending quality time at home with what remains of my family.
Spluttering and convulsing.
Spreading Communism to all who will listen.
Spreading undetected through the population.
Spreading.
Staring at a wall for a full eight hours.
Starting to get the hang of this whole "lawn care" thing.
Staying home every night, downloading increasingly shameful pornography.
Staying indoors.
Staying the fuck inside!
Steak night!
Sticking with Trump through it all.
Still being alive, I guess.
Still being on the fence about if I should have sex or not.
Stoking the flames of racism.
Stopping the spread of Coronavirus.
Storing nuts in my mouth for the next six months of quarantine.
Stress-eating 15 jars of Nutella®.
Succumbing to Coronavirus.
Sudden death!
Suddenly becoming a socialist.
Suffering.
Survival.
Suspiciously Asian noodles.
Takeout.
Taking my first dick in forever.
Taking this time appreciate one another and reevaluate our lives.
Tearfully masturbating to reruns of "The Daily Show".
Televangelists.
Telling Dad I love him.
Telling Grandma where I plan to bury her.
Telling a dying man to "get back to work".
Telling your partner you love him but you can't have sex with him right now.
Temporary socialism.
Testing negative.
Testing positive.
That hot uncle you never get to see anymore.
That time Dad was diagnosed with Coronavirus and died.
That wedding dress I never wore because the world ended.
The .01% of bacteria Lysol® is powerless to stop.
The CDC.
The Chinese Virus.
The Ching-Chong Ding-Dong Foundation for Sensitivity to Orientals or Whatever.
The Democrat’s greatest hoax: Coronavirus.
The Flu.
The New York stock exchange.
The SARS that took little Eustace this autumn past.
The Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918.
The Wuhan Flu.
The amount of poop one can produce in a day.
The apocalypse.
The bread lines.
The cobwebs in my vagina.
The cold, hard truth that death is near.
The comforting presence of a dog.
The darkened times after the fall of man when the birds chirp no more.
The days of yore.
The economy.
The elderly.
The end of America, at the very least.
The end of civilization.
The federal response to Coronavirus.
The feds.
The freak from that math problem who bought 42 watermelons but turned out to have the right idea.
The horror and confusion of watching Donald Trump do something right.
The hospital.
The human body.
The illusion of choice in a late-stage capitalist society.
The impending collapse of the middle class.
The impending deaths of millions of your fellow humans.
The importance of having fun.
The innate desire to drink alone.
The morbidly obese.
The morose marathon that is life.
The mouth area.
The novel Coronavirus.
The peaceful and nonthreatening rise of China.
The physical imperfection of an old man.
The piked skull of the last person who dared come within six feet of me.
The privilege of existing.
The profoundly handicapped.
The promise of a better tomorrow.
The pure joy of a dog whose parents are always home.
The rapidly shifting political landscape we face today.
The real pillars of society.
The reality that we're all going to die, and there will be no one to remember our stories.
The sadness that I feel.
The scientific process.
The second-best hospital in the area.
The shocking stupidity of the American public.
The struggle.
The survivors of President Trump's first term in office.
The three billion people living in extreme poverty.
The total collapse of the global financial system.
The truth.
The ungodly feats of efficiency that can be achieved when the rich fear consequences.
The untimely demise of my Italian trophy wife, Angelina.
The vacant streets and clear skies of Los Angeles.
The violation of our most basic human rights.
The wonders of science!
The wonders of the Orient.
The worst pain imaginable. Times two!
The wrath of God.
The wrong week to quit drinking.
There being too many people around to reasonably get naked.
These kleptomaniacal rich men who run our government.
Thinking about conserving food and then eating six cans of ravioli.
This almost-safe cruise ship.
This box I live in.
This cup in which I'm going to need a urine sample from you.
This dead body I found.
This disaster that nobody could have predicted except every health official and data-driven simulations.
This old lady next to me who won't stop coughing.
Those who survive.
Thoughts and prayers.
Three consecutive seconds of happiness.
Three months in the hole.
Throwing a tantrum and telling everyone not to touch you anymore.
Toilet paper. Anti-vaxxers.
Tolerating my family.
Tonic and gin.
Toppling large governments.
Total fucking chaos.
Totally ignorant and delusional opinions.
Totally ignoring your father's death wishes.
Totally ineffective political satire.
Totally unlearning all the baseball skills.
Touching all the microphones.
Touching everything.
Travelling.
Trillions of taxpayer dollars down the drain!
Trying to keep it together.
Trying to maintain some semblance of civility.
Trying to pass the time by painting a picture.
Trying to wake up from this nightmare.
Turning 32.
Turning poor people against each other so they don't pay attention to economic inequality.
Tweaking my nipples a little before breaking down and crying.
Tweeting.
Two bros chilling in a hot tub five feet apart because there’s a global pandemic.
Two cancelled tickets to "Hamilton".
Two hours on PornHub.
Two young lovers with nothing better to do.
Ugh.
Underestimating the stupidity of the average American.
Unfathomable stupidity.
Unnecessarily sensual Zoom messages.
Ushering in the apocalypse.
Using a FitBit to masturbate for 2 miles.
Using a Smucker's Uncrustable™ as a maxi pad.
Ventilators.
Vigilante justice.
Voter suppression.
War with China.
Wearing glasses and sounding smart.
Weeding out the old and sick.
Well-deserved Coronavirus.
What Dad has to say about Chinese people.
Whatever is necessary to make life satisfactory.
When I choke and choke and choke.
When government loses control.
Whichever one of you took a shit in the shower.
Whipping lower-class white men into a xenophobic frenzy.
Whiskey to calm my nerves.
Wifely duties.
Winking at old people.
Wiping down every surface.
Witnessing the decline of every industry.
Wondering if it's possible to get some of that salsa to go.
Wondering why white people love baseball so much.
Working from home.
Wrapping myself in a blanket and making a me burrito.
Wuhan, China.
Xenophobia.
Xi Jinping.
Yet another racist tweet.
Young students full of online education and debt.
Your corpse.
Your enduring love and support.
Your mother calling and saying she's had enough.
Zoom.
submitted by BOBULANCE to cahideas [link] [comments]


2020.03.17 13:40 kerry_lusignan The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

https://preview.redd.it/eahs4nrf98n41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6ba552d199742de7912bcf85cf29ba9d0c79e27d
Not long ago, I used to joke that as a feminist family therapist I was obsolete twice over: once for being a family therapist and a systemic thinker— instead of being, say, a CBT practitioner—and then once again for being a feminist. I mean, who cared about feminism anymore? The points had been made, the lessons learned, and to some degree at least, the battles won—or at least on the way to being won. Feminism seemed to be old news. Gender issues in therapy? If anyone spoke about that anymore, it was to reenvision the whole idea—trans-kids, gender-fluid kids, straight men sleeping with other straight men. As for the impact of traditional gender roles on couples, on society—as for conversations about patriarchy and its effects—psychotherapists seemed largely to have lost interest.
Then 2016 happened.
When I gave a workshop called “Working with Challenging Men” at the 2015 Networker Symposium, it drew an audience of about 50 participants. When I was asked this year to give the same workshop, it drew an audience of more than 250. What happened to swell the ranks of those interested? We all know the answer: Donald Trump.
No matter what your political persuasion, it’s hard to deny that we have a man in the White House who behaves in ways that are not only challenging, but atavistic, offensive, and often downright frightening. Trump has called women “fat pigs,” ridiculed their appearance on social media, objectified and mocked them in person, and in his most unvarnished moment, bragged about assaulting them.
He’s regularly displayed behaviors one might’ve thought disqualifying in a public official. Harvard President Lawrence Summers was ousted almost immediately for asserting that women may have less innate math abilities than men—gone, and for a good reason. But “grab ’em by the pussy” from the leader of the free world? Democrats certainly thought it wouldn’t wash, but their efforts to make Trump’s character the issue in the election didn’t work. Each time they were freshly outraged by Trump’s behavior, his poll numbers grew.
So here’s a sobering thought: suppose Trump was elected not despite his offensive, misogynous behaviors but, at least in part, because of them. Whatever other factors determined the outcome of the election, a significantly large number of Americans, both men and women, educated and less educated, appear to have wanted a bully—or, said differently, a strongman—to be their nation’s leader. In a time perceived as dangerous, a time when the government seemed too paralyzed to accomplish much, when conservatives portrayed Obama as weak, ruminative, even feminine, we turned to a self-stylized alpha male.
Trump is a type. He fits the mold of other uber-tough guys of either sex that he openly admires and emulates: Erdogan in Turkey, Orban in Hungary, the Brexit leaders and Theresa May in the UK, and of course, there’s his storied bromance with Putin. Rarely noted is the fact that not just in the US, but sweeping throughout the West, this new so-called populism is gendered. Its appeal doesn’t lie exclusively with men. Factions of men and women these days are feeling a powerful pull toward many of the notions of traditional masculinity—and not just those few that make for good character, like real courage or loyalty. What we’re witnessing is a reassertion of masculinity’s most difficult and harmful traits: aggression, narcissism, sexual assaultiveness, grandiosity, and contempt.
And yet we psychotherapists, as a field, have remained largely silent about this resurgence, hamstrung by an ethical code that prohibits diagnosis or clinical discussion of public figures from afar. In our offices, we assiduously practice neutrality with regard to anything that smacks of the debates going on in the political realm, petrified that we might impose our values on vulnerable clients. But is neutrality in these times really in our clients’ best interests? Consider a recent couples session in my office with Julia, a petite and straight-backed woman, who lost her customary poise as she recounted her troubled week with her husband, Bob.
“I’m shot,” she confesses. “Frayed. Like a horse that shies away from the slightest sound.”
“She’s pretty spooked,” the laconic Bob agrees.
Julia smiles ruefully. “My poor husband tried to make love the other night, and I practically bit his head off.” What was triggering her so acutely? Haltingly, little by little, the trauma story winds its way out of her. First, she recalls the “ick factor,” as she puts it, of feeling her selfish, boundaryless father notice her physical development as an adolescent. Then there was the time he danced with her and had an erection, and finally, the night he drank too much and out and out groped her. “No one stood up for me. No one protected me. And now, ever since the election, I won’t let Bob near me,” Julia cries. “Just here, sitting here with you two men, walking the streets, I feel so unsafe.”
I take a deep breath and say what’s hanging like a lead weight in the air. “Your father’s in the White House,” I tell her. She doubles over, weeping hard. But she also reaches for her husband’s hand.
All over America women like Julia, who have histories of molestation, have been triggered by the ascendency of Trump. Julia is certainly in need of some trauma treatment, obviously; but to my mind, that comes second. The first order of business with her is naming the reality of what she’s facing. There’s a sexually demeaning man in the White House. This is real, not just about her sensitivities. For me to take a neutral stance on the issue, emphasizing Julia’s feelings and deemphasizing the actual circumstance, comes too close to minimization or denial, a replay of the covert nature of her father’s abuse to begin with. It was important, I felt, to speak truth to power; it was important for me as her therapist to name names.
THE HAZARDS OF MASCULINITY Let me be clear. I haven’t been for 40 years, nor will I ever be, neutral on the issue of patriarchy in my work. Traditional gender roles are a bad deal for both sexes. And they’re particularly toxic for men. The evidence couldn’t be clearer. In fact, the World Health Organization (WHO) has issued a statement implicating traditional masculine values as inimical to good health.
Let’s take a stark, bottomline issue: death. Men live 7 to 10 years less than women do, not because of some genetic differences, as most people imagine, but because men act like, well, men. For one, we don’t seek help as often as women do; it’s unmanly. Indeed, as I once wrote about male depression, “A man is as likely to ask for help with depression as he is to ask for directions.” And men are more noncompliant with treatment when we do get it. Also, we take many more risks. That driver without a seatbelt—odds are that’s a man. Men drink more, take drugs more, are more than three times as likely to be imprisoned, and five times as likely to commit suicide.
As Michael Marmot of WHO puts it, men’s poorer survival rates “reflect several factors: greater levels of occupational exposure to physical and chemical hazards, behaviors associated with male norms of risk-taking and adventure, health behavior paradigms related to masculinity, and the fact that men are less likely to visit a doctor when they are ill and, when they see a doctor, are less likely to report on the symptoms of disease or illness.”
Traditional masculine habits not only hurt men’s physical and psychological health, but also produce the least happy marriages. Study after study has shown that egalitarian marriages—which often involve dual careers and always encompass shared housework and decision making—unequivocally lead to higher rates of marital satisfaction for both sexes than do “traditional” marriages, based on hierarchy and a strict division of roles. Yet most therapists, even today, act as if these choices in marriage were simply a matter of personal preference, of legitimate, sometimes clashing values.
Where do we stand on issues like toxic masculinity and paternalistic marriage? For the most part, we don’t stand anywhere. We blink. So let me ask, if we were a group of dentists, knowing that candy is bad for teeth, would we be silent on the issue? Would we consider tooth brushing a personal value, not to be judged, only a matter of preference to be negotiated between family members?
PSYCHOLOGICAL PATRIARCHY
The men and women who come to us for help don’t live in a gender-neutral world. They’re embedded in, and are often emblematic of, a raging debate about patriarchy and a certain vision of masculinity. Trump appeals to a gender-conservative narrative, which holds feminists (“feminazis” as Rush Limbaugh calls us) responsible for deliberately attacking the line between masculine and feminine, and for “feminizing” men.

https://preview.redd.it/ccevvyys98n41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7d731da6b526644d4ed764d0b08eba65c410da11
In a recent National Review article on Trump and masculinity, for example, Steven Watts laments that “a blizzard of Millennial ‘snowflakes’ has blanketed many campuses with weeping, traumatized students who, in the face of the slightest challenge to their opinions, flee to ‘safe spaces’ to find comfort with stuffed animals, puppies, balloons, and crayons.” And Fox News’s Andrea Tantaros rails, “The left has tried to culturally feminize this country in a way that is disgusting. And for blue-collar voters . . . their last hope is Donald Trump to get their masculinity back.”
The 2016 Presidential Gender Watch Report summarizes several surveys this way: “Trump supporters [are] much more likely than Clinton voters to say that men and women should ‘stick to the roles for which they are naturally suited,’ that society has become too soft and feminine, and that society today seems to ‘punish men just for acting like men.’” But to understand fully the implications of this gender narrative, even the contemptuous nuance of a derogatory term like snowflake, deemed by the Urban Dictionary as “insult of the year,” one needs to look squarely at the nature and dynamic of patriarchy itself.
I use the word patriarchy synonymously with traditional gender roles—misguided stoicism in men, resentful accommodation in women. As I tell my clients, an inwardly shame-based, outwardly driven man, coupled with an outwardly accommodating, inwardly aggrieved woman—why, that’s America’s defining heterosexual couple, successful in the world and a mess at home. Certainly, 50 years of feminism have changed most women’s expectations for themselves and their marriages, and Millennial men, for all their vaunted narcissism, are in many ways the most gender-progressive group of guys who’ve ever existed. But Baby Boomer men are often a mixed bag, and Boomer couples are in deeply conflicted distress. Divorce rates among this group are alarming, and climbing, causing some to write of a “gray divorce revolution.” We can reliably attribute many factors to this trend, but here’s the one that strikes me: many men in their 60’s are cut from the old patriarchal cloth, while many women in their 60’s are now having none of it. Have we therapists tuned in to what’s changed and what hasn’t in our gender attitudes?
Frankly, most of us in the mental health community thought that the old paradigm was on its way out— and indeed it might be. But not without a fight. The old rules, and the old roles, are still kicking, and many of us progressives have just grown complacent. If anyone over-estimated the triumph of feminism, the past election has to be viewed as a stinging rebuke and rejection. To this day, like it or not, we’re fish, and patriarchy is the tainted water we swim in.
But let’s get specific about patriarchy. For most, the word conjures up images of male privilege and dominance, and a resulting anger in women. I call this level political patriarchy, which is, simply put, sexism: the oppression of women at the hands of men. Psychological patriarchy is the structure of relationships organized under patriarchy. It not only plays in relations between men and women, but undergirds dynamics on a much broader level—among women, mothers and children, even cultures and races. The men and women who seek out therapy most often arrive at our doorstep saturated in the dynamic of psychological patriarchy, and I think it yields extraordinary clinical benefit to know about and work with this dynamic.
I see psychological patriarchy as the product of three processes, which you can imagine as three concentric rings.
The great divide. The first of these rings renowned family therapist Olga Silverstein, author of The Courage to Raise Good Men, refers to as “the halving process.” With this process, it’s as if we gathered all the qualities of one whole human being, drew a line down the middle, and declared that all the traits on the right side of the line were masculine and all those on the left were feminine. Everyone knows which traits are supposed to belong on which side. Being logical, strong, and competent is on the right, for example, and being nurturing, emotional, and dependent is on the left.
The dance of contempt. In traditional patriarchy, the two bifurcated halves, masculine and feminine, aren’t held as separate but equal. The “masculine” qualities are exalted, the “feminine” devalued. What does this tell us? That the essential relationship between masculine and feminine is one of contempt. In other words, the masculine holds the feminine as inferior. As feminist psychologist and sociologist Nancy Chodorow pointed out, masculine identity is defined by not being a girl, not being a woman, not being a sissy. Vulnerability is viewed as weakness, a source of embarrassment.
If you think this dance of contempt doesn’t affect you, I suggest you take a look at Trump’s budget. Here’s how Erin Gloria Ryan put it in The Daily Beast: “The President’s budget, like everything he talks about, play[s] into his conception of over-the-top manliness. Cuts to education, the environment, are cuts to feminized concerns, really. After school programs and meals-on-wheels, those are caretaking programs. Education (and really, all childcare), also the purview of women. The arts, not for men like Trump.”
The core collusion. I believe one of the greatest unseen motivators in human psychology is a compulsion in whoever is on the feminine side of the equation to protect the disowned fragility of whoever is on the masculine side. Even while being mistreated, the “feminine” shields the “masculine.” Whether it’s a child in relation to an abusive parent, a wife in relation to a violent husband, a captive who develops a dependency on those who took him or her hostage, or a church that protects sexually abusive ministers, perpetrators are routinely protected. One dares not speak truth to power. Everyday in our offices we bear witness to traditional hetero relationships in which the woman feels a deeper empathic connection to the wounded boy inside the man than the man himself feels. If she could only love that boy enough, she thinks, he’d be healed and all would be well. This is the classic codependent, a prisoner of what psychiatrist Martha Stark calls relentless hope. It’s an intrinsic part of trauma that victims (the “feminine”) tend to have hyper-empathy for the perpetrator (the “masculine”) and hypo-empathy for themselves. I call this empathic reversal, and it’s our job as clinicians to reverse that reversal and set things right, so that the perpetrator is held accountable and the victim is met with compassion, especially self-compassion.
CUT FROM THE OLD CLOTH
Just observing the way 53-year-old Bill sauntered over to my couch, clearly owning the room, I was tempted to label him an Old-School Guy. Lydia, his wife of 20-plus years, who was on the verge of leaving him, had another label for him. “Basically,” she tells me right off the bat, “he’s been a dick.” She bends down to scratch her ankle. “A real dick,” she reiterates. “For years, decades,” she sighs. “And I took it. I loved him. I still do. But, well, things have changed.” They’d come to my office in Boston from their home in Texas for what Bill described as a Hail Mary pass.

https://preview.redd.it/sy5gmbbx98n41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8cebb82509b401a5039e71d18f1971923d89b99e
Here’s the story. Bill is a type: driven, handsome, relentless, utterly perfectionistic, and vicious to himself and others when a benchmark isn’t cleared. As their kids were growing up, there wasn’t much Lydia could do right: the house wasn’t picked up, the kids were too rowdy, the food was late or bland or both. Bill was both controlling and demeaning.
Lately, he’d become obsessed with physical performance, and he wanted to share his passion with his wife. Unfortunately, the way he invited her to the gym with him was to tell her how overweight she was. “I’m just attracted to fit women,” Bill says, shrugging.
“Yeah,” Lydia adds bitterly. “He thinks it’ll motivate me when he says, ‘That fat hanging over your belt disgusts me.’”
“I don’t have a very high emotional IQ,” Bill confides to me, his expression bland, untroubled. I’m thinking that I agree with him. Lydia, by the way, had been a competing amateur tennis player, with a figure many women would envy. I turn to Lydia, raising my eyebrows in a question.
“I’m no doormat,” Lydia asserts, stretching each word in her slow Texas drawl. “Sure, I took up at the gym again, but I also started spending more time with my girlfriends—I have a lot of friends—and I started my own business.”
I’m impressed. “Okay,” I say. “You’re no doormat.”
“Right,” she says.
“You didn’t just sit there and take his mistreatment.”
“Right.”
“You, uh,” I continue, “you gathered up your courage and confront- ed your husband on how. . . .”
“Well, no,” she smiles shyly. “I sup- pose I fell short on that one, until now anyway. Now I do.”
“What changed?” I ask, although I’m pretty certain I know the answer from their intake write up.
“Marylyn is what changed, Terry,” she says. And then, after a pause, she adds, “Eighteen months with Marylyn behind my back is what changed.” Bill sits beside her stony. “And there were others. I’m not sure of them all. Call girls when he traveled.” Letting out a sigh, she turns to her husband.
“It’s true,” Bill finally says, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Well,” I say, “what were you feeling?”
“Not much,” Bill tells me. Not satisfied, I press again, but he turns it back on Lydia, saying, “Well, you did pull away. I mean, between redoing the house, your business, your friends.”
“I pulled away because you were impossible!” Lydia wails in a quivering voice. “You kept harping at me about the damn gym!”
“Look,” he responds, more to me than to her, “I like the look of a fit woman. Shoot me. My parents were old in their 50’s, dead in their early 70’s. That’s not for me. I want to compete in triathlons in my 80’s. And I want my wife competing right by my side when I do.”
I’m starting to feel claustrophobic just hearing this. “Well, that’s fine, Bill. That’s what you want,” I tell him. “But have you ever asked Lydia what she wants?”
“I want you to talk to me,” Lydia finally screams, losing composure. She bends over and cries. “Jesus, just sit down and talk to me.”
“Okay, honey, I will,” Bill says to soothe her. But whether he will or won’t, he certainly hasn’t so far. “I’m just not good with emotion,” he tells me.“I just try to find a path and go forward. That’s my usual approach. Like the other night she woke me up in the middle of the night, crying, and I asked her if there’s anything she wanted, but. . . .”
“Just hold me,” she cries, “Just tell me you love me and that you want me!”
He turns on her, an accusing finger close to her face. “But you didn’t ask me for that, did you?” he says, making his point before some imagined jury. “Did you?” Now I can see the dripping condescension Lydia spoke of.
I lean toward him. “What are you so mad about?” I ask him, knowing that anger and lust are the only two emotions men are allowed in the traditional patriarchal setup. But much male rage is helpless rage. Burdened with the responsibility, and the entitlement, to fix anything that’s broken, including his wife, Bill sees Lydia’s unhappiness as an insoluble problem he must master, a rigged Rubik’s Cube with no winning moves. He describes his feelings as many men in his position do: frustration.
“I’m tired of being held responsible”—he takes a breath, visibly try- ing to regain his composure—“when I have no idea what she wants.”
“Oh,” I say. “So you feel helpless.” That brings him up short.
“Well,” he mutters, “I’m not sure thatI’d....”
“Right,” I say, heading him off. “You don’t do helpless, right? You don’t do feelings at all, except anger perhaps.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Like most hurt partners, your wife needs to get into what happened, and like most partners who’ve had an affair, you’d like to move off of it as quickly as possible.”
“I don’t think wallowing in it. . . .” “She wins,” I tell him.“I’m sorry?” he asks.“The hurt partner wins. She gets to talk about it. She needs to talk about it.”
“And what do I do in the mean- time?” he looks at me, jaw stuck out, angry, a victim.
“Well, would you accept some coaching from me at this juncture?” I ask. He nods, though skeptically, and Bill and I begin to break down the idea of masculinity—or his stunted version of it.
For his entire life, Bill credited his success in life to his fevered drive for perfection. He thought his harsh inner critic, which he never hesitated to unleash on others, was his best friend, holding up the standard, goading him to achieve. I tell Bill that like most of the men I treat, even like Icarus winging it toward the sun, he thought it was the achievement of glory that made him worthy of love. And like Icarus, he was about to fall, and fall hard.
“But my drive is my edge, my equalizer. I may not be as smart as some of the boys in the office, but, man, I can work.”
“Let me help you out here,” I tell him. “I promise you that as we work together, you won’t lose your edge. All the guys I see worry about that. But you can be just as tough and, at the right times, just as driven.”
“So what will be so different?” he asks.
“You,” I tell him. “You’ll be different. Radically different if you want to save this marriage. You’ll have choice.”
Like most feminist therapists I know, I don’t want to “feminize” men any more than I want to “masculinize” women. I want choice. When the moment calls for combat, I want men to be ferocious. But when the moment calls for tenderness, I want men to be sweet, compassionate, soft. Mostly, I want men to be able to discern which moment is which and behave accordingly. I want men to hold fast to those elements that are good and right about the traditional male role—courage, loyalty, competence—but men like Bill also deserve to have access to emotion, particularly the vulnerable emotions that connect us to one another. He deserves to have more empathy for himself first of all, and for those he loves.
By the end of our long session, we all agree that Bill—or “the old Bill,” as I begin to call him—was selfish, controlling, demanding, and unhappy. He based his shaky sense of self worth on his performance, on whatever he’d amassed materially, and on his wife’s nurture. Although he’d have been loath to admit it before, Bill needed an overhaul.
“You’ve been acting in this marriage in a lot of ways as though you were still single,” I tell him. “Six hours a day at the gym, 10-hour bike rides, call girls when you travel. You need to learn to become what I call a real family man,” a term that deliberately harks back to some of the positive ideals contained in traditional notions of masculinity.
Contrary to what gender conservatives claim we feminists are after, I don’t want the men I work with to discard every aspect of masculinity. Rather, I talk to Bill about the differences between living life as a self-centered boy and living it like a family man. It’s not “repeal and replace” the entire notion of masculinity so much as “sort through, use the best, and transform the rest.”
“You played the old game: the competitive, don’t-rest-till-you-kill-them, grab-the-brass-ring game. Okay, you won at that one. Congratulations,”I say to him. “Now it’s time to learn a whole different game, different skills, different rules, if you want to stay married at least.” Bill’s nodding. He loves his wife, feels awful about how much he’s hurt her, would move mountains to keep his family intact. “Good,” I tell him.
“Because it’s mountains you’re going to have to move. This is about cultivating that wildly undeveloped part of you that you’ve actively tried to get rid of. It’s about redefining what you think constitutes “a man” and how he’s supposed to act in the world. You’ll need new skills that stress receptivity over action, like being curious about your wife, learning to be quiet and leave space for her, drawing her out, truly negotiating.” He seems game as he listens. “I’m happy for you,” I tell him. “May this day be the beginning of your new orientation, your new life.”
“Okay,” he says, a little skeptical still.
“The next time your wife wakes up in the middle of the night because she’s a wreck and she needs to talk,” I start.
“I know,” he interrupts.
“Listen,” I tell him. “Here’s your new compass. When in doubt, I want you to pause, take a breath, and then picture yourself as a generous gentleman.” Like the term family man, the opportunity for Bill to see himself as a generous gentleman offers him a model, a reference point, for giving more to his wife without feeling like she’s won and he’s lost. I repurpose a familiar ideal—gentleman—to inspire flexibility in Bill, a willingness to yield that doesn’t shame him. “The next time she wants something from you, ask yourself, What would a generous gentleman do at this moment?
Becoming a generous gentleman requires Bill to move beyond his self-centeredness into compassion and bigheartedness, moving beyond sheer logic to feelings, both his and others. It’s a good example of using a mostly abstract ideal contained within the patriarchal lexicon to help a client move beyond patriarchy itself. Did I have an in-depth discussion with Bill about Donald Trump? No, though I certainly would’ve been open to it had Bill seemed interested. But did I talk to him about patriarchy in general? About women’s changing demands for more sharing, more intimate, more connected marriages? About the state of manhood in transition, from the old to the new? And was I clear with Bill about where I stood on these issues and why? The answer is an emphatic yes on all counts.
“Bill,” I tell him. “You’re a statistic. All over America, men like you are being dragged off to people like me so that we can help you learn how to be more relational, more giving, more empathic, more vulnerable—just a more thoughtful, connected person. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of Bills in offices like this one. We can’t make it all about personal failings; there are too many of you.”
Bill looks at me. “But when we go home,” he sighs, trailing off. “It’s just hard to know what she wants from me.”
“I know,” I commiserate. “This isn’t easy. But you have a wonderful source of information sitting right next to you.” Then I turn to Lydia. “Of course, you’ll have to do things differently, too,” I tell her. “At this stage in the game, you’re more comfortable giving Bill feedback about all he does wrong than vulnerably asking for what he might do right.” Like many of my female clients, Lydia had spent most of her marriage vacillating between stuffing it and losing it. For the most part, she was silent and resentful, so Bill brushed off her occasional rants as hysteria. “You told your truth when you were ready to fight with him, but you did it in a harsh, critical way, which people in general, and men in particular, won’t listen to.”
“Listen,” she says, revving up, “I tried everything under the sun to get him to hear what I was saying.”
“I’m sure that’s true,” I say. “But Lydia, that was then, and this is now. I have a saying: an angry woman is a woman who doesn’t feel heard. But pumping up the emotional volume doesn’t work. However, I think I have good news for you. I think you’ve been heard today, by Bill and by me. I understand what you’re saying I get it, and I’m on it. I want you to let me work with Bill now. I can get through to him in ways you’re not positioned to be able to do. I’m an outside party; you’re his wife.”
Over the years, I’ve found this to be an enormously helpful position to take in therapy, no matter if the therapist happens to a man or a woman. I often say to female clients like Lydia, “I’ve got him. You don’t have to be his relational coach or teacher anymore. Give that job to me. You can afford to relax and start enjoying him again.” By stepping in, acknowledging the asymmetry in their relational skills and wishes, and explicitly offering myself as her ally, I hope to help women like Lydia resign from their role as their partner’s mentor. “I’ll coach Bill,” I tell Lydia. “You breathe, relax, let your heart open up again.”
Earlier in the session, I’d said I was excited for Bill. But with Lydia at the threshold of her own relational learning on how to break the traditional feminine role of silence and anger, I’m thrilled for her, too. I’m eager to teach her how to stand up for herself with love, how to switch from statements like “I don’t like how you’re treating me!” to ones like “I want to be close to you. I want to hear what you’re saying. Could you be kinder right now so I can hear better?”
Both partners need to learn how to be more skilled. But moving each toward increased intimacy requires leaving behind the old roles for them both. Real intimacy and patriarchy are at odds with each other. To the degree that a couple approaches the former, they move beyond the latter. As the old roles seek to reassert themselves in our society, it seems more important than ever to take a stand in favor of new ones, new configurations that provide more openness in men like Bill and more loving firmness in women like Lydia.
AGENTS OF CHANGE
For years, I quipped that, as a couples therapist, I was a medic in the vast gender war, patching up men and women in order to send them back out into the fray. But in the age of Trump, I don’t want to be a neutral medic anymore. I’d rather take a stand for healthy marriages. Pathology is rarely an aberration of the norm so much as an exaggeration of it. The way Bill had routinely controlled and savaged his wife, and the way she’d reacted, with distance and occasional rage of her own, were right out of the patriarchy playbook. Could I have done the same work with them without ever referencing gender roles, or masculinity? Perhaps, but why would I want to, when silhouetting a couple’s issues against the backdrop of gender roles in transition makes so much sense to people?
In 2013, sociologist Michael Kimmel wrote Angry White Men, about a group of people many now claim make up a large part of Trump’s base. Central to Kimmel’s findings was a sense of what he called “aggrieved entitlement,” which, from a psychological perspective, looks to leave the person they’re with as much as they want to leave the person they themselves have become. And it’s not that they’re looking for another person, but another self. But even happy people cheat, and affairs aren’t always a symptom of something wrong in the marriage or in the individual.
A lot like the fusion of shame and grandiosity, a perpetual sense of angry victimhood—in a word, patriarchy. In a new work, Kimmel looks at four organizations that help deprogram men who leave hate groups like white supremacists and jihadists. What he found implicit in all these hate groups was traditional masculinity: the more rigid the vision of the masculine, and the more fervently the man held onto such rigid beliefs, the more vulnerable he was to extremist politics and violence. Countering this vision of masculinity was key to the deprogramming.
With this as our cultural context, what we therapists are being called upon to do is what the WHO has already done—explicitly declare traditional masculinity a health hazard, not just to men, but to the families who live with them. We should continue to develop techniques for openly challenging toxic patriarchal notions like the one that says harsh inner critics are good for us, or the one that says vulnerability is a sign of weakness. We need to invite each gender to reclaim and explore its wholeness, as sexy, smart, competent women, as well as bighearted, strong, vulnerable men. We must check our own biases so as not to sell men short as intrinsically less emotional, for example, or to sell women short by not explicitly helping them find a voice in their relationships that’s simultaneously assertive and cherishing.
In these troubled times, what do we clinicians stand for if not the plumb line of intimacy? But we must remember that intimacy itself is a relatively new, and contentious, demand. Marriage wasn’t historically built for intimacy in today’s terms, but for stability and production. Under patriarchy, emotional intimacy itself is coded as “feminine,” as is therapy, for that matter. The intrinsic values of therapy—communication, understanding, empathy, self-compassion, the importance of emotion—these are all downplayed as “feminine” concerns in the traditional masculine playbook.
I want us therapists to put these concerns on the table, and stand up and be counted as agents for the historically new idea of lasting, long-term intimacy, and with it the increased health and happiness that study after study has shown it leads to. I want us to be more explicit—both in public discourse and in the privacy of our offices—in articulating the painful psychological costs of the old, patriarchal world order, which is asserting itself again in our lives. Democratic relationships simply work better than hierarchical ones in marriages, and both sexes are better off liberated from the dance of contempt. It’s healing for all our clients to move beyond the core collusion and speak truth to power. It’s healing for us therapists to do the same in the presence of those who want our guidance.
We’re the people who are being turned to for help when the old ways no longer work. We can merely patch things up, or we can aim our sights on transformation and offer an entirely new vision. The path toward sustained intimacy can’t be found in the resurgence of a patriarchal past. It’s part of our job and responsibility to point our clients toward the future. If we therapists are to be true agents of healing, we must first be true agents of change.
Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher. He is particularly known for his groundbreaking work on men and male psychology as well as his work on gender and couples; he has been in private practice for over thirty years. Terry has appeared often as the relationship expert for Good Morning America and ABC News. His work has been featured in numerous academic articles as well as media venues such as Oprah, 20/20, The Today Show, CNN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today and many others.
This blog which originally appeared in the Psychotherapy Networker, was republished on NCCT with permission from the author.
Author: Terry Real
Check out a 2-Day Training with Terry Real of The Relational Life Institute
submitted by kerry_lusignan to u/kerry_lusignan [link] [comments]


2020.02.25 17:49 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: democrats top posts from 2015-10-14 to 2020-02-24 12:57 PDT

Period: 1594.44 days
Submissions Comments
Total 997 73940
Rate (per day) 0.63 46.36
Unique Redditors 174 17833
Combined Score 1559452 703773

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 347739 points, 268 submissions: therecordcorrected
    1. Brian Klaas: "The President is openly attempting to go after the owner of a private business because that person also owns a newspaper that accurately reports unflattering stories about the White House. This is literally what Erdogan & Putin did. Republicans in Congress are enabling this too." (17382 points, 470 comments)
    2. Lawrence O'Donnell on Twitter: "The president who did NOT run toward the sound of the guns in Vietnam 50 years ago, now labels an officer with a handgun a "coward" for not running toward the sound of an AR15. Trump is by far the most cowardly president in history." (9771 points, 252 comments)
    3. Stephen King on Twitter: "Fuck your wall. Split that 5 billion between at-risk children who don’t have lunches and vets who can’t get proper medical and psychological treatment. Fuck your vanity project. Do something good for once." (9161 points, 192 comments)
    4. White House claimed Trump had a day full of meetings, but the truth emerges with a swamp selfie: One problem for POTUS and his staff. The Newsmax CEO tweeted a photo and it became clear Trump was not in high-level meetings, he was playing golf. (8152 points, 81 comments)
    5. Adam Schiff: "If the President wanted to know what happened, which was self-reported by the NSA, he could ask. Instead he watches TV and tweets nonsense, as if he’s a Fox pundit, and not head of the Executive Branch. Another day. Another false claim. Wake up, GOP. Silence is complicity." (6494 points, 77 comments)
    6. Oprah for President – another billionaire pseudoscience pusher looking for a job: Ms. Winfrey has been a strong supporter of Jenny McCarthy, who is simply a member of the anti-vaccine religion. Oprah foisted onto the world Dr. Mehmet Oz, one of the most reprehensible pushers of scientific nonsense. (4719 points, 428 comments)
    7. George Takei: "Folks are acting as though we had no choice but to use tear gas at our border. But we have known about this group approaching for weeks. We could have had buses and agents ready to process people in an orderly and humane way. Instead, Trump closed the border and gassed them." (3546 points, 271 comments)
    8. Dan Shapiro: "Yes, Obama congratulated Putin in 2012. That was before Russia invaded Ukraine, before Russia deployed to Syria to back Assad's genocide, before Russia interfered in US elections, before Russia launched a CW attack in the UK. Pay attention: Trump's own people know he blew this." (3511 points, 92 comments)
    9. Clara Jeffery on Twitter: "Those 5,000 troops sitting on the border waiting for a few hundred bedraggled migrants to show up a month from now could be digging fire lines and helping to evacuate people and livestock from California instead." (3148 points, 132 comments)
    10. Kaitlan Collins on Twitter: "With President Trump seated before him, French President Macron says, "Patriotism is the exact opposite of nationalism. Nationalism is a betrayal of patriotism. By saying 'our interests first'...we erase what a nation hold dearest...its moral values."" (2938 points, 93 comments)
  2. 194874 points, 80 submissions: VegaThePunisher
    1. It would not be polite to ask the President to walk farther than 100 feet without a golf cart. (19072 points, 82 comments)
    2. He will stop at nothing. (14954 points, 433 comments)
    3. Tell them, Mr. President! (12540 points, 219 comments)
    4. Thank you, Mr. President. (10315 points, 387 comments)
    5. American Disasters. (5733 points, 310 comments)
    6. The Democrat Economic Curve. (5562 points, 554 comments)
    7. The situation summed up. (5436 points, 683 comments)
    8. ShickenChit. (4078 points, 281 comments)
    9. “Obama golfed too much.” (3944 points, 210 comments)
    10. Authoritarianism has come to America. (3857 points, 272 comments)
  3. 153388 points, 134 submissions: progress18
    1. Democrat Doug Jones wins election to US Senate from Alabama (8102 points, 169 comments)
    2. Trump 'likely obstructed justice' in Comey firing, could be impeached, Brookings Institute says (4947 points, 109 comments)
    3. Like a Boss (2128 points, 132 comments)
    4. Republican Gerrymandering Has Basically Destroyed Representative Democracy in Wisconsin (2028 points, 80 comments)
    5. Joe Biden says silence in the face of white supremacy 'is complicity' during fiery speech against Trump (1951 points, 125 comments)
    6. Scott Walker narrowly loses Wisconsin governor's race – and he can't ask for a recount because of a law he put in place (1917 points, 79 comments)
    7. Betsy DeVos is unfit to lead the Education Department. It's time for her to resign. (1905 points, 53 comments)
    8. Americans overwhelmingly want Congress to defy Trump and override his veto of the border wall emergency declaration (1902 points, 73 comments)
    9. 'The Red MAGA Hat Is the New White Hood' Says Alyssa Milano in Twitter Storm (1866 points, 278 comments)
    10. Despite Trump's campaign promise to revive U.S. manufacturing, General Motors to slash 14,000 jobs, close up to 5 plants (1815 points, 139 comments)
  4. 123950 points, 60 submissions: skepticalspectacle1
    1. Join The Battle For Net Neutrality! Don't Let The FCC Destroy The Internet! (30256 points, 19 comments)
    2. Republican ‘pro-life’ congressman slept with patients and paid for their abortions: ‘God has forgiven me’ (19739 points, 863 comments)
    3. Why is it easier to blame 150,000,000 Americans being 'lazy' rather than 400 Americans being greedy. (10606 points, 217 comments)
    4. This is a picture of NRA President Wayne Lapierre with a confessed Russian Spy (2564 points, 118 comments)
    5. McConnell Received $3.5M In Campaign Donations From Russian Oligarch-Linked Firm (2185 points, 63 comments)
    6. Say it again, for those in the back (1912 points, 92 comments)
    7. If they didn't already exist, public libraries would strike people as the most outlandish left-wing idea. (1727 points, 74 comments)
    8. McCabe: My firing is part of effort to undermine Mueller probe (1683 points, 77 comments)
    9. Colbert on Pat Robertson's "bottom line" view of Khashoggi's murder. (1622 points, 54 comments)
    10. Paul Ryan tries to tout a 1.50 a week raise, gets shut down hard. (1583 points, 51 comments)
  5. 66906 points, 34 submissions: anutensil
    1. Sean Spicer admits to White House coordination with Fox News on DNC murder conspiracy reports (11511 points, 316 comments)
    2. Trump Has Spent More Than Three Months This Year At His Properties, Adding to Ethics Concerns - "Americans, on average, get 15 paid vacation days a year, but use only 12. Trump has taken more than 100." (8544 points, 210 comments)
    3. ‘We are stronger than you’: VA governor blasts ‘pretend patriot’ white supremacists for Charlottesville violence (6194 points, 181 comments)
    4. "This is not Fox." Joy Reid shuts down Trump adviser who implies Clintons killed someone (5116 points, 338 comments)
    5. Conservatives Shocked To Discover That Milo Yiannopoulos Is A Terrible Human Being (3041 points, 100 comments)
    6. Trump Will Require All EPA Science to Be Screened by Political Staffers - Reminder: This is the guy who thinks climate change is a Chinese hoax. (2896 points, 99 comments)
    7. Trump’s golfing binge is delaying White House duties - Every single American should be able to agree Trump broke at least one promise he made before his 2016 presidential election victory: no golfing. (1938 points, 81 comments)
    8. Republican Fox & Friends pundit, overcome with emotion, says he can’t defend Trump anymore - "He has failed us." (1902 points, 86 comments)
    9. Trump’s biographer says his Twitter flailing isn’t a grand distraction scheme because he’s not smart enough for that (1737 points, 54 comments)
    10. Kushner family business under investigation by Maryland AG for jailing tenants to collect debts (1669 points, 70 comments)
  6. 56043 points, 2 submissions: BumBiddlyBiddlyBum
    1. This is President Barack Obama. He did not sell Americans out to the telecom lobby, but instead called upon on the FCC to take up the strongest possible rules to protect net neutrality, which they did at his instruction in 2015. (54434 points, 442 comments)
    2. Trump revealed highly classified information to Russian foreign minister and ambassador (1609 points, 37 comments)
  7. 55271 points, 50 submissions: dolphins3
    1. Nancy Pelosi: It really tells you all you need to know about the priorities of Washington Republicans that a bill to make it easier to vote, increase government transparency, get dark money out of politics & empower working people in our elections is met with such disdain. #ForThePeople (3276 points, 130 comments)
    2. Hillary Clinton: Only about 1% of abortions happen later in pregnancy—almost always because a woman’s health or life is at risk, or the pregnancy is no longer viable. Lying about this is dangerous, and a slap in the face to families who face heartbreaking situations. (3253 points, 160 comments)
    3. Senator Doug Jones: The shutdown should have never happened. What the President signed yesterday was the same thing the Senate passed unanimously in December. 35 days later we are back to square 1. Mr. President you want people to have good faith dialog, but good faith is a two way street. (1907 points, 55 comments)
    4. Hillary Clinton: Voting isn't a privilege. It's a right. And requiring voters to pay off fines and fees to exercise that right is a modern-day poll tax. (1654 points, 167 comments)
    5. Hillary Clinton: As of today, this shutdown is the longest in history. The costs are already high: People are missing paychecks, losing business, or working without pay. Our national parks are overrun with trash. The FDA and FBI warn of the harm to our food safety and national security. (1514 points, 136 comments)
    6. Hillary Clinton: In one week, we have the chance to flip 17 governorships from red to blue. Here are four incredible candidates who deserve your support: (1337 points, 14 comments)
    7. Hillary Clinton: Yesterday was the court-ordered deadline for the administration to reunite families it has separated at the border, but more than 700 children are not yet back with their parents. Let’s keep making our voices heard until every single family is reunited. (1264 points, 142 comments)
    8. AOC: For men who are allegedly so “proud” of being straight, they seem to show real incompetence at attracting women to their event. Seems more like a “I-Struggle-With-Masculinity” parade to me. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Hope they grow enough over the next year to support / join LGBTQ fam next #Pride! 🏳️‍🌈 (1244 points, 98 comments)
    9. Hillary Clinton: The House just passed a bill to require background checks on all gun sales in the country. It's the first gun control legislation to pass since 1994. Thank @gabbygiffords, @lucymcbath, @speakerpelosi and so many others for their work on this issue by calling your senators! (1241 points, 101 comments)
    10. Joe Biden: No one should live in fear of being fired, evicted from their home, or denied service in a restaurant just because of their gender identity or who they love. The #EqualityAct is long overdue, and will ensure LGBTQ Americans are treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. (1223 points, 54 comments)
  8. 32133 points, 24 submissions: wenchette
    1. House Republicans pull health care bill (5159 points, 245 comments)
    2. America has never seen a party less caring than 21st-century Republicans (3334 points, 96 comments)
    3. Susan Collins Is Now Trailing Her Democratic Challenger in New Poll (1951 points, 93 comments)
    4. NY Defense Attorney: "For context on Manafort’s 47 months in prison, my client yesterday was offered 36-72 months in prison for stealing $100 worth of quarters from a residential laundry room." (1949 points, 64 comments)
    5. Alex Jones flees to Vimeo, is immediately banned there as well (1693 points, 111 comments)
    6. As He Exits the House, It's Worth Noting That Paul Ryan Has Failed Spectacularly (1479 points, 31 comments)
    7. Roy Moore Banned From Mall After Locals Were Troubled by His Interactions with Teen Girls (1457 points, 23 comments)
    8. Michelle Obama Launches Voter Registration Campaign (1323 points, 126 comments)
    9. GOP strategist admits: House Dems look "like America & our future" but House Republicans look "like Board meeting of 1950s corporation... basic law of politics: be for the future not past." (1294 points, 43 comments)
    10. New Survey Shows Young People Are Staying Liberal, Conservatives Are Dying Off (1102 points, 90 comments)
  9. 26206 points, 21 submissions: jonfla
    1. No President facing criminal indictment for violation of Federal laws, potentially including treason, should be allowed to nominate a Supreme Court Justice (5110 points, 232 comments)
    2. The Republican-Fox News plot to have Mueller fired is gathering steam (1506 points, 74 comments)
    3. Hypocrisy Hits Home: Trump’s Allies Suddenly Care About Decorum And Unity After Pelosi Tears Up SOTU Speech (1440 points, 174 comments)
    4. Rep. Cummings (D-MD) asks Trump White House to list which ethics rules don't apply to it (1293 points, 32 comments)
    5. Mitch McConnell Rails Against 'Moscow Mitch' Nickname. What Better Way To Assure It Will Continue To Be Used (1232 points, 71 comments)
    6. Over 80,000 Sign Petition To Have Street Outside Trump Tower Named After Obama (1206 points, 63 comments)
    7. Conservative Icon George Will: Young Voters Now Consider GOP 'The Dumb Party' (1178 points, 132 comments)
    8. Trump Has Now Shifted $1.7 Million From Campaign Donors To His Private Business (1170 points, 79 comments)
    9. Trump Met With Boos, ‘Lock Him Up’ Chants At Nats Game (1143 points, 76 comments)
    10. GOP Lawmaker Breaks Ranks On Russia Report: 'We've Lost All Credibility' (1108 points, 10 comments)
  10. 20191 points, 9 submissions: jaydawg69
    1. The Press Conference (5746 points, 104 comments)
    2. Proud to be a Liberal! (4982 points, 567 comments)
    3. VOTE! (2517 points, 124 comments)
    4. Benghazi vs Mueller (1672 points, 63 comments)
    5. 3 branches of government (1225 points, 63 comments)
    6. Trump’s experiences vs Mueller’s experiences (1113 points, 72 comments)
    7. LBJ on the GOP (1061 points, 60 comments)
    8. Trump at the UN (974 points, 33 comments)
    9. His record (901 points, 69 comments)
  11. 15338 points, 1 submission: PrestoVivace
    1. Man who fueled Trump's voter fraud conspiracy is registered in 3 states (15338 points, 338 comments)
  12. 14048 points, 1 submission: dr_isk_16
    1. What a REAL President Looks Like. (14048 points, 812 comments)
  13. 12997 points, 7 submissions: Anticipator1234
    1. Remember when people like Sarah Palin shit their pants when Obama traveled on the taxpayer's dime? Trump is about to "bankrupt" the U.S. Secret Service. Where are those complaints now? (5802 points, 347 comments)
    2. Trump now lies up to 9 times a day on average lately (1616 points, 55 comments)
    3. Trump Won Because Of Lower Democratic Turnout. No Matter Who Wins The Nomination... Vote! (1451 points, 329 comments)
    4. Justice officials say AG Sessions spoke with Russian ambassador during presidential campaign, may have lied about it (1392 points, 107 comments)
    5. Trump Campaign Aides Had Repeated Contacts With Russian Intelligence (1106 points, 108 comments)
    6. Support for impeachment jumps in new poll (885 points, 48 comments)
    7. Not a surprise: Behind the Cambridge Analytica Scandal, another Russian (745 points, 3 comments)
  14. 12570 points, 6 submissions: KubrickIsMyCopilot
    1. Trump bans American-born man from reentering US who testified against him in Russia investigation. (6302 points, 136 comments)
    2. Fox News refuses to run ad for Oscar-nominated anti-Nazi documentary because it would offend its Republican viewers. (2049 points, 108 comments)
    3. Fox News co-founder Rupert Murdoch's New Zealand network pulled off the air over coverage of Nazi terrorist attacks. (1131 points, 40 comments)
    4. Yale professor warns time running out for Americans to stop Trump dictatorship. (1092 points, 187 comments)
    5. Cohen: fears no "peaceful transition" if Trump loses in 2020 (1015 points, 118 comments)
    6. Trump EPA advisor claimed air is "too clean," and that pollution is healthy for children's lungs. (981 points, 67 comments)
  15. 12141 points, 13 submissions: Ghdust2
    1. Texas Republicans Are Lying About Voter Fraud to Justify a Massive, Racist Voter Purge. (1302 points, 44 comments)
    2. Mitch McConnell is the problem. (1178 points, 55 comments)
    3. Campaign to draft Democratic challenger to McConnell starts raising funds. (1078 points, 34 comments)
    4. House Democrats’ 1st bill targets big donors, voting access. (1012 points, 58 comments)
    5. “Never again means close the camps”: Jews protest ICE across the country. (957 points, 73 comments)
    6. Kamala Harris on requiring paper ballots in all federal elections: "Because Russia can't hack a piece of paper". (954 points, 86 comments)
    7. Sen. Elizabeth Warren says she has ‘zero’ sympathy for parents caught in college admissions scam. (942 points, 87 comments)
    8. It’s over. Democrat Ben McAdams ousts Republican Rep Mia Love by 694 votes. (868 points, 24 comments)
    9. ‘Serving under Trump is embarrassing’: Fifth Republican congressman retires in just two weeks as GOP fears more exits. (852 points, 49 comments)
    10. Mitch McConnell Leads the Pack in Race to Climb the Farthest Up Trump's Ass. (844 points, 26 comments)
  16. 12052 points, 13 submissions: JLBesq1981
    1. Americans rank Barack Obama as best president of their lifetimes: Poll (1677 points, 125 comments)
    2. Trump’s First 3 Years Created 1.5 Million Fewer Jobs Than Obama’s Last 3 (1174 points, 101 comments)
    3. GOP Accused of 'Greatest Cover-Up Since Watergate' as Senate Set to End First Witness-Less Impeachment Trial in US History (1061 points, 125 comments)
    4. “Let the Voters Decide” Doesn’t Work if Trump Fires His National Security Staff So Russia Can Help Him Again (960 points, 39 comments)
    5. Stephen Miller is no outlier. White supremacy rules the Republican party (925 points, 82 comments)
    6. Attorney General William Barr's actions are "remarkably not normal," says legal historian (845 points, 28 comments)
    7. Judge signs order permanently blocking citizenship question from 2020 census (827 points, 21 comments)
    8. Federal Law Says 'Go Back To Where You Came From' Counts As Discrimination (826 points, 20 comments)
    9. Republican Party official quits in disgust over Trump's impeachment trial, says local GOP Is "propaganda shill" for president (796 points, 25 comments)
    10. New Poll Shows 10-Point Spike In Support for Impeachment Hearings (784 points, 92 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. VegaThePunisher (14705 points, 3287 comments)
  2. Gsteel11 (7350 points, 558 comments)
  3. soda_cookie (5543 points, 2 comments)
  4. Bravot (5208 points, 1 comment)
  5. therecordcorrected (4282 points, 749 comments)
  6. kerryfinchelhillary (4166 points, 358 comments)
  7. Jeffylew77 (3890 points, 8 comments)
  8. KubrickIsMyCopilot (3387 points, 179 comments)
  9. Eternius00 (2835 points, 2 comments)
  10. UserN-me (2819 points, 260 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. This is President Barack Obama. He did not sell Americans out to the telecom lobby, but instead called upon on the FCC to take up the strongest possible rules to protect net neutrality, which they did at his instruction in 2015. by BumBiddlyBiddlyBum (54434 points, 442 comments)
  2. Join The Battle For Net Neutrality! Don't Let The FCC Destroy The Internet! by skepticalspectacle1 (30256 points, 19 comments)
  3. Republican ‘pro-life’ congressman slept with patients and paid for their abortions: ‘God has forgiven me’ by skepticalspectacle1 (19739 points, 863 comments)
  4. It would not be polite to ask the President to walk farther than 100 feet without a golf cart. by VegaThePunisher (19072 points, 82 comments)
  5. Brian Klaas: "The President is openly attempting to go after the owner of a private business because that person also owns a newspaper that accurately reports unflattering stories about the White House. This is literally what Erdogan & Putin did. Republicans in Congress are enabling this too." by therecordcorrected (17382 points, 470 comments)
  6. Man who fueled Trump's voter fraud conspiracy is registered in 3 states by PrestoVivace (15338 points, 338 comments)
  7. He will stop at nothing. by VegaThePunisher (14954 points, 433 comments)
  8. What a REAL President Looks Like. by dr_isk_16 (14048 points, 812 comments)
  9. Tell them, Mr. President! by VegaThePunisher (12540 points, 219 comments)
  10. House Dems vs House GOP: Diversity on Display by Tribat_1 (11695 points, 565 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 5539 points: soda_cookie's comment in This is President Barack Obama. He did not sell Americans out to the telecom lobby, but instead called upon on the FCC to take up the strongest possible rules to protect net neutrality, which they did at his instruction in 2015.
  2. 5208 points: Bravot's comment in Thank you, Mr. President.
  3. 3802 points: Jeffylew77's comment in Tell them, Mr. President!
  4. 2696 points: Eternius00's comment in Republican ‘pro-life’ congressman slept with patients and paid for their abortions: ‘God has forgiven me’
  5. 2116 points: JuanFromTheBay's comment in Republican ‘pro-life’ congressman slept with patients and paid for their abortions: ‘God has forgiven me’
  6. 2061 points: bigoted_bill's comment in "This is not Fox." Joy Reid shuts down Trump adviser who implies Clintons killed someone
  7. 1936 points: VegaThePunisher's comment in Thank you, Mr. President.
  8. 1770 points: deleted's comment in Sean Spicer admits to White House coordination with Fox News on DNC murder conspiracy reports
  9. 1711 points: IIllIIllIlllI's comment in A photo that will go down in history
  10. 1651 points: squeakim's comment in House Dems vs House GOP: Diversity on Display
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]


2020.02.06 11:27 kerry_lusignan The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy in the Age of Trump

https://preview.redd.it/151wvv0p5af41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ddd7731ddf42dc7f3055c4dbca8abf2b7913a751
Not long ago, I used to joke that as a feminist family therapist I was obsolete twice over: once for being a family therapist and a systemic thinker— instead of being, say, a CBT practitioner—and then once again for being a feminist. I mean, who cared about feminism anymore? The points had been made, the lessons learned, and to some degree at least, the battles won—or at least on the way to being won. Feminism seemed to be old news. Gender issues in therapy? If anyone spoke about that anymore, it was to reenvision the whole idea—trans-kids, gender-fluid kids, straight men sleeping with other straight men. As for the impact of traditional gender roles on couples, on society—as for conversations about patriarchy and its effects—psychotherapists seemed largely to have lost interest.
Then 2016 happened.
When I gave a workshop called “Working with Challenging Men” at the 2015 Networker Symposium, it drew an audience of about 50 participants. When I was asked this year to give the same workshop, it drew an audience of more than 250. What happened to swell the ranks of those interested? We all know the answer: Donald Trump.
No matter what your political persuasion, it’s hard to deny that we have a man in the White House who behaves in ways that are not only challenging, but atavistic, offensive, and often downright frightening. Trump has called women “fat pigs,” ridiculed their appearance on social media, objectified and mocked them in person, and in his most unvarnished moment, bragged about assaulting them.
He’s regularly displayed behaviors one might’ve thought disqualifying in a public official. Harvard President Lawrence Summers was ousted almost immediately for asserting that women may have less innate math abilities than men—gone, and for a good reason. But “grab ’em by the pussy” from the leader of the free world? Democrats certainly thought it wouldn’t wash, but their efforts to make Trump’s character the issue in the election didn’t work. Each time they were freshly outraged by Trump’s behavior, his poll numbers grew.
So here’s a sobering thought: suppose Trump was elected not despite his offensive, misogynous behaviors but, at least in part, because of them. Whatever other factors determined the outcome of the election, a significantly large number of Americans, both men and women, educated and less educated, appear to have wanted a bully—or, said differently, a strongman—to be their nation’s leader. In a time perceived as dangerous, a time when the government seemed too paralyzed to accomplish much, when conservatives portrayed Obama as weak, ruminative, even feminine, we turned to a self-stylized alpha male.
Trump is a type. He fits the mold of other uber-tough guys of either sex that he openly admires and emulates: Erdogan in Turkey, Orban in Hungary, the Brexit leaders and Theresa May in the UK, and of course, there’s his storied bromance with Putin. Rarely noted is the fact that not just in the US, but sweeping throughout the West, this new so-called populism is gendered. Its appeal doesn’t lie exclusively with men. Factions of men and women these days are feeling a powerful pull toward many of the notions of traditional masculinity—and not just those few that make for good character, like real courage or loyalty. What we’re witnessing is a reassertion of masculinity’s most difficult and harmful traits: aggression, narcissism, sexual assaultiveness, grandiosity, and contempt.
And yet we psychotherapists, as a field, have remained largely silent about this resurgence, hamstrung by an ethical code that prohibits diagnosis or clinical discussion of public figures from afar. In our offices, we assiduously practice neutrality with regard to anything that smacks of the debates going on in the political realm, petrified that we might impose our values on vulnerable clients. But is neutrality in these times really in our clients’ best interests? Consider a recent couples session in my office with Julia, a petite and straight-backed woman, who lost her customary poise as she recounted her troubled week with her husband, Bob.
“I’m shot,” she confesses. “Frayed. Like a horse that shies away from the slightest sound.”
“She’s pretty spooked,” the laconic Bob agrees.
Julia smiles ruefully. “My poor husband tried to make love the other night, and I practically bit his head off.” What was triggering her so acutely? Haltingly, little by little, the trauma story winds its way out of her. First, she recalls the “ick factor,” as she puts it, of feeling her selfish, boundaryless father notice her physical development as an adolescent. Then there was the time he danced with her and had an erection, and finally, the night he drank too much and out and out groped her. “No one stood up for me. No one protected me. And now, ever since the election, I won’t let Bob near me,” Julia cries. “Just here, sitting here with you two men, walking the streets, I feel so unsafe.”
I take a deep breath and say what’s hanging like a lead weight in the air. “Your father’s in the White House,” I tell her. She doubles over, weeping hard. But she also reaches for her husband’s hand.
All over America women like Julia, who have histories of molestation, have been triggered by the ascendency of Trump. Julia is certainly in need of some trauma treatment, obviously; but to my mind, that comes second. The first order of business with her is naming the reality of what she’s facing. There’s a sexually demeaning man in the White House. This is real, not just about her sensitivities. For me to take a neutral stance on the issue, emphasizing Julia’s feelings and deemphasizing the actual circumstance, comes too close to minimization or denial, a replay of the covert nature of her father’s abuse to begin with. It was important, I felt, to speak truth to power; it was important for me as her therapist to name names.
THE HAZARDS OF MASCULINITY Let me be clear. I haven’t been for 40 years, nor will I ever be, neutral on the issue of patriarchy in my work. Traditional gender roles are a bad deal for both sexes. And they’re particularly toxic for men. The evidence couldn’t be clearer. In fact, the World Health Organization (WHO) has issued a statement implicating traditional masculine values as inimical to good health.
Let’s take a stark, bottomline issue: death. Men live 7 to 10 years less than women do, not because of some genetic differences, as most people imagine, but because men act like, well, men. For one, we don’t seek help as often as women do; it’s unmanly. Indeed, as I once wrote about male depression, “A man is as likely to ask for help with depression as he is to ask for directions.” And men are more noncompliant with treatment when we do get it. Also, we take many more risks. That driver without a seatbelt—odds are that’s a man. Men drink more, take drugs more, are more than three times as likely to be imprisoned, and five times as likely to commit suicide.
As Michael Marmot of WHO puts it, men’s poorer survival rates “reflect several factors: greater levels of occupational exposure to physical and chemical hazards, behaviors associated with male norms of risk-taking and adventure, health behavior paradigms related to masculinity, and the fact that men are less likely to visit a doctor when they are ill and, when they see a doctor, are less likely to report on the symptoms of disease or illness.”
Traditional masculine habits not only hurt men’s physical and psychological health, but also produce the least happy marriages. Study after study has shown that egalitarian marriages—which often involve dual careers and always encompass shared housework and decision making—unequivocally lead to higher rates of marital satisfaction for both sexes than do “traditional” marriages, based on hierarchy and a strict division of roles. Yet most therapists, even today, act as if these choices in marriage were simply a matter of personal preference, of legitimate, sometimes clashing values.
Where do we stand on issues like toxic masculinity and paternalistic marriage? For the most part, we don’t stand anywhere. We blink. So let me ask, if we were a group of dentists, knowing that candy is bad for teeth, would we be silent on the issue? Would we consider tooth brushing a personal value, not to be judged, only a matter of preference to be negotiated between family members?
PSYCHOLOGICAL PATRIARCHY
The men and women who come to us for help don’t live in a gender-neutral world. They’re embedded in, and are often emblematic of, a raging debate about patriarchy and a certain vision of masculinity. Trump appeals to a gender-conservative narrative, which holds feminists (“feminazis” as Rush Limbaugh calls us) responsible for deliberately attacking the line between masculine and feminine, and for “feminizing” men.

https://preview.redd.it/pblrnpu26af41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c91ec7e52ed75e1cd81a981c7d8cf8e830b1d306
In a recent National Review article on Trump and masculinity, for example, Steven Watts laments that “a blizzard of Millennial ‘snowflakes’ has blanketed many campuses with weeping, traumatized students who, in the face of the slightest challenge to their opinions, flee to ‘safe spaces’ to find comfort with stuffed animals, puppies, balloons, and crayons.” And Fox News’s Andrea Tantaros rails, “The left has tried to culturally feminize this country in a way that is disgusting. And for blue-collar voters . . . their last hope is Donald Trump to get their masculinity back.”
The 2016 Presidential Gender Watch Report summarizes several surveys this way: “Trump supporters [are] much more likely than Clinton voters to say that men and women should ‘stick to the roles for which they are naturally suited,’ that society has become too soft and feminine, and that society today seems to ‘punish men just for acting like men.’” But to understand fully the implications of this gender narrative, even the contemptuous nuance of a derogatory term like snowflake, deemed by the Urban Dictionary as “insult of the year,” one needs to look squarely at the nature and dynamic of patriarchy itself.
I use the word patriarchy synonymously with traditional gender roles—misguided stoicism in men, resentful accommodation in women. As I tell my clients, an inwardly shame-based, outwardly driven man, coupled with an outwardly accommodating, inwardly aggrieved woman—why, that’s America’s defining heterosexual couple, successful in the world and a mess at home. Certainly, 50 years of feminism have changed most women’s expectations for themselves and their marriages, and Millennial men, for all their vaunted narcissism, are in many ways the most gender-progressive group of guys who’ve ever existed. But Baby Boomer men are often a mixed bag, and Boomer couples are in deeply conflicted distress. Divorce rates among this group are alarming, and climbing, causing some to write of a “gray divorce revolution.” We can reliably attribute many factors to this trend, but here’s the one that strikes me: many men in their 60’s are cut from the old patriarchal cloth, while many women in their 60’s are now having none of it. Have we therapists tuned in to what’s changed and what hasn’t in our gender attitudes?
Frankly, most of us in the mental health community thought that the old paradigm was on its way out— and indeed it might be. But not without a fight. The old rules, and the old roles, are still kicking, and many of us progressives have just grown complacent. If anyone over-estimated the triumph of feminism, the past election has to be viewed as a stinging rebuke and rejection. To this day, like it or not, we’re fish, and patriarchy is the tainted water we swim in.
But let’s get specific about patriarchy. For most, the word conjures up images of male privilege and dominance, and a resulting anger in women. I call this level political patriarchy, which is, simply put, sexism: the oppression of women at the hands of men. Psychological patriarchy is the structure of relationships organized under patriarchy. It not only plays in relations between men and women, but undergirds dynamics on a much broader level—among women, mothers and children, even cultures and races. The men and women who seek out therapy most often arrive at our doorstep saturated in the dynamic of psychological patriarchy, and I think it yields extraordinary clinical benefit to know about and work with this dynamic.
I see psychological patriarchy as the product of three processes, which you can imagine as three concentric rings.
The great divide. The first of these rings renowned family therapist Olga Silverstein, author of The Courage to Raise Good Men, refers to as “the halving process.” With this process, it’s as if we gathered all the qualities of one whole human being, drew a line down the middle, and declared that all the traits on the right side of the line were masculine and all those on the left were feminine. Everyone knows which traits are supposed to belong on which side. Being logical, strong, and competent is on the right, for example, and being nurturing, emotional, and dependent is on the left.
The dance of contempt. In traditional patriarchy, the two bifurcated halves, masculine and feminine, aren’t held as separate but equal. The “masculine” qualities are exalted, the “feminine” devalued. What does this tell us? That the essential relationship between masculine and feminine is one of contempt. In other words, the masculine holds the feminine as inferior. As feminist psychologist and sociologist Nancy Chodorow pointed out, masculine identity is defined by not being a girl, not being a woman, not being a sissy. Vulnerability is viewed as weakness, a source of embarrassment.
If you think this dance of contempt doesn’t affect you, I suggest you take a look at Trump’s budget. Here’s how Erin Gloria Ryan put it in The Daily Beast: “The President’s budget, like everything he talks about, play[s] into his conception of over-the-top manliness. Cuts to education, the environment, are cuts to feminized concerns, really. After school programs and meals-on-wheels, those are caretaking programs. Education (and really, all childcare), also the purview of women. The arts, not for men like Trump.”
The core collusion. I believe one of the greatest unseen motivators in human psychology is a compulsion in whoever is on the feminine side of the equation to protect the disowned fragility of whoever is on the masculine side. Even while being mistreated, the “feminine” shields the “masculine.” Whether it’s a child in relation to an abusive parent, a wife in relation to a violent husband, a captive who develops a dependency on those who took him or her hostage, or a church that protects sexually abusive ministers, perpetrators are routinely protected. One dares not speak truth to power. Everyday in our offices we bear witness to traditional hetero relationships in which the woman feels a deeper empathic connection to the wounded boy inside the man than the man himself feels. If she could only love that boy enough, she thinks, he’d be healed and all would be well. This is the classic codependent, a prisoner of what psychiatrist Martha Stark calls relentless hope. It’s an intrinsic part of trauma that victims (the “feminine”) tend to have hyper-empathy for the perpetrator (the “masculine”) and hypo-empathy for themselves. I call this empathic reversal, and it’s our job as clinicians to reverse that reversal and set things right, so that the perpetrator is held accountable and the victim is met with compassion, especially self-compassion.
CUT FROM THE OLD CLOTH
Just observing the way 53-year-old Bill sauntered over to my couch, clearly owning the room, I was tempted to label him an Old-School Guy. Lydia, his wife of 20-plus years, who was on the verge of leaving him, had another label for him. “Basically,” she tells me right off the bat, “he’s been a dick.” She bends down to scratch her ankle. “A real dick,” she reiterates. “For years, decades,” she sighs. “And I took it. I loved him. I still do. But, well, things have changed.” They’d come to my office in Boston from their home in Texas for what Bill described as a Hail Mary pass.

https://preview.redd.it/11c1nac46af41.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5f972d5c9a811345bf46dc1811d3c03ecf3e2255
Here’s the story. Bill is a type: driven, handsome, relentless, utterly perfectionistic, and vicious to himself and others when a benchmark isn’t cleared. As their kids were growing up, there wasn’t much Lydia could do right: the house wasn’t picked up, the kids were too rowdy, the food was late or bland or both. Bill was both controlling and demeaning.
Lately, he’d become obsessed with physical performance, and he wanted to share his passion with his wife. Unfortunately, the way he invited her to the gym with him was to tell her how overweight she was. “I’m just attracted to fit women,” Bill says, shrugging.
“Yeah,” Lydia adds bitterly. “He thinks it’ll motivate me when he says, ‘That fat hanging over your belt disgusts me.’”
“I don’t have a very high emotional IQ,” Bill confides to me, his expression bland, untroubled. I’m thinking that I agree with him. Lydia, by the way, had been a competing amateur tennis player, with a figure many women would envy. I turn to Lydia, raising my eyebrows in a question.
“I’m no doormat,” Lydia asserts, stretching each word in her slow Texas drawl. “Sure, I took up at the gym again, but I also started spending more time with my girlfriends—I have a lot of friends—and I started my own business.”
I’m impressed. “Okay,” I say. “You’re no doormat.”
“Right,” she says.
“You didn’t just sit there and take his mistreatment.”
“Right.”
“You, uh,” I continue, “you gathered up your courage and confront- ed your husband on how. . . .”
“Well, no,” she smiles shyly. “I sup- pose I fell short on that one, until now anyway. Now I do.”
“What changed?” I ask, although I’m pretty certain I know the answer from their intake write up.
“Marylyn is what changed, Terry,” she says. And then, after a pause, she adds, “Eighteen months with Marylyn behind my back is what changed.” Bill sits beside her stony. “And there were others. I’m not sure of them all. Call girls when he traveled.” Letting out a sigh, she turns to her husband.
“It’s true,” Bill finally says, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Well,” I say, “what were you feeling?”
“Not much,” Bill tells me. Not satisfied, I press again, but he turns it back on Lydia, saying, “Well, you did pull away. I mean, between redoing the house, your business, your friends.”
“I pulled away because you were impossible!” Lydia wails in a quivering voice. “You kept harping at me about the damn gym!”
“Look,” he responds, more to me than to her, “I like the look of a fit woman. Shoot me. My parents were old in their 50’s, dead in their early 70’s. That’s not for me. I want to compete in triathlons in my 80’s. And I want my wife competing right by my side when I do.”
I’m starting to feel claustrophobic just hearing this. “Well, that’s fine, Bill. That’s what you want,” I tell him. “But have you ever asked Lydia what she wants?”
“I want you to talk to me,” Lydia finally screams, losing composure. She bends over and cries. “Jesus, just sit down and talk to me.”
“Okay, honey, I will,” Bill says to soothe her. But whether he will or won’t, he certainly hasn’t so far. “I’m just not good with emotion,” he tells me.“I just try to find a path and go forward. That’s my usual approach. Like the other night she woke me up in the middle of the night, crying, and I asked her if there’s anything she wanted, but. . . .”
“Just hold me,” she cries, “Just tell me you love me and that you want me!”
He turns on her, an accusing finger close to her face. “But you didn’t ask me for that, did you?” he says, making his point before some imagined jury. “Did you?” Now I can see the dripping condescension Lydia spoke of.
I lean toward him. “What are you so mad about?” I ask him, knowing that anger and lust are the only two emotions men are allowed in the traditional patriarchal setup. But much male rage is helpless rage. Burdened with the responsibility, and the entitlement, to fix anything that’s broken, including his wife, Bill sees Lydia’s unhappiness as an insoluble problem he must master, a rigged Rubik’s Cube with no winning moves. He describes his feelings as many men in his position do: frustration.
“I’m tired of being held responsible”—he takes a breath, visibly try- ing to regain his composure—“when I have no idea what she wants.”
“Oh,” I say. “So you feel helpless.” That brings him up short.
“Well,” he mutters, “I’m not sure thatI’d....”
“Right,” I say, heading him off. “You don’t do helpless, right? You don’t do feelings at all, except anger perhaps.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Like most hurt partners, your wife needs to get into what happened, and like most partners who’ve had an affair, you’d like to move off of it as quickly as possible.”
“I don’t think wallowing in it. . . .” “She wins,” I tell him.“I’m sorry?” he asks.“The hurt partner wins. She gets to talk about it. She needs to talk about it.”
“And what do I do in the mean- time?” he looks at me, jaw stuck out, angry, a victim.
“Well, would you accept some coaching from me at this juncture?” I ask. He nods, though skeptically, and Bill and I begin to break down the idea of masculinity—or his stunted version of it.
For his entire life, Bill credited his success in life to his fevered drive for perfection. He thought his harsh inner critic, which he never hesitated to unleash on others, was his best friend, holding up the standard, goading him to achieve. I tell Bill that like most of the men I treat, even like Icarus winging it toward the sun, he thought it was the achievement of glory that made him worthy of love. And like Icarus, he was about to fall, and fall hard.
“But my drive is my edge, my equalizer. I may not be as smart as some of the boys in the office, but, man, I can work.”
“Let me help you out here,” I tell him. “I promise you that as we work together, you won’t lose your edge. All the guys I see worry about that. But you can be just as tough and, at the right times, just as driven.”
“So what will be so different?” he asks.
“You,” I tell him. “You’ll be different. Radically different if you want to save this marriage. You’ll have choice.”
Like most feminist therapists I know, I don’t want to “feminize” men any more than I want to “masculinize” women. I want choice. When the moment calls for combat, I want men to be ferocious. But when the moment calls for tenderness, I want men to be sweet, compassionate, soft. Mostly, I want men to be able to discern which moment is which and behave accordingly. I want men to hold fast to those elements that are good and right about the traditional male role—courage, loyalty, competence—but men like Bill also deserve to have access to emotion, particularly the vulnerable emotions that connect us to one another. He deserves to have more empathy for himself first of all, and for those he loves.
By the end of our long session, we all agree that Bill—or “the old Bill,” as I begin to call him—was selfish, controlling, demanding, and unhappy. He based his shaky sense of self worth on his performance, on whatever he’d amassed materially, and on his wife’s nurture. Although he’d have been loath to admit it before, Bill needed an overhaul.
“You’ve been acting in this marriage in a lot of ways as though you were still single,” I tell him. “Six hours a day at the gym, 10-hour bike rides, call girls when you travel. You need to learn to become what I call a real family man,” a term that deliberately harks back to some of the positive ideals contained in traditional notions of masculinity.
Contrary to what gender conservatives claim we feminists are after, I don’t want the men I work with to discard every aspect of masculinity. Rather, I talk to Bill about the differences between living life as a self-centered boy and living it like a family man. It’s not “repeal and replace” the entire notion of masculinity so much as “sort through, use the best, and transform the rest.”
“You played the old game: the competitive, don’t-rest-till-you-kill-them, grab-the-brass-ring game. Okay, you won at that one. Congratulations,”I say to him. “Now it’s time to learn a whole different game, different skills, different rules, if you want to stay married at least.” Bill’s nodding. He loves his wife, feels awful about how much he’s hurt her, would move mountains to keep his family intact. “Good,” I tell him.
“Because it’s mountains you’re going to have to move. This is about cultivating that wildly undeveloped part of you that you’ve actively tried to get rid of. It’s about redefining what you think constitutes “a man” and how he’s supposed to act in the world. You’ll need new skills that stress receptivity over action, like being curious about your wife, learning to be quiet and leave space for her, drawing her out, truly negotiating.” He seems game as he listens. “I’m happy for you,” I tell him. “May this day be the beginning of your new orientation, your new life.”
“Okay,” he says, a little skeptical still.
“The next time your wife wakes up in the middle of the night because she’s a wreck and she needs to talk,” I start.
“I know,” he interrupts.
“Listen,” I tell him. “Here’s your new compass. When in doubt, I want you to pause, take a breath, and then picture yourself as a generous gentleman.” Like the term family man, the opportunity for Bill to see himself as a generous gentleman offers him a model, a reference point, for giving more to his wife without feeling like she’s won and he’s lost. I repurpose a familiar ideal—gentleman—to inspire flexibility in Bill, a willingness to yield that doesn’t shame him. “The next time she wants something from you, ask yourself, What would a generous gentleman do at this moment?
Becoming a generous gentleman requires Bill to move beyond his self-centeredness into compassion and bigheartedness, moving beyond sheer logic to feelings, both his and others. It’s a good example of using a mostly abstract ideal contained within the patriarchal lexicon to help a client move beyond patriarchy itself. Did I have an in-depth discussion with Bill about Donald Trump? No, though I certainly would’ve been open to it had Bill seemed interested. But did I talk to him about patriarchy in general? About women’s changing demands for more sharing, more intimate, more connected marriages? About the state of manhood in transition, from the old to the new? And was I clear with Bill about where I stood on these issues and why? The answer is an emphatic yes on all counts.
“Bill,” I tell him. “You’re a statistic. All over America, men like you are being dragged off to people like me so that we can help you learn how to be more relational, more giving, more empathic, more vulnerable—just a more thoughtful, connected person. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of Bills in offices like this one. We can’t make it all about personal failings; there are too many of you.”
Bill looks at me. “But when we go home,” he sighs, trailing off. “It’s just hard to know what she wants from me.”
“I know,” I commiserate. “This isn’t easy. But you have a wonderful source of information sitting right next to you.” Then I turn to Lydia. “Of course, you’ll have to do things differently, too,” I tell her. “At this stage in the game, you’re more comfortable giving Bill feedback about all he does wrong than vulnerably asking for what he might do right.” Like many of my female clients, Lydia had spent most of her marriage vacillating between stuffing it and losing it. For the most part, she was silent and resentful, so Bill brushed off her occasional rants as hysteria. “You told your truth when you were ready to fight with him, but you did it in a harsh, critical way, which people in general, and men in particular, won’t listen to.”
“Listen,” she says, revving up, “I tried everything under the sun to get him to hear what I was saying.”
“I’m sure that’s true,” I say. “But Lydia, that was then, and this is now. I have a saying: an angry woman is a woman who doesn’t feel heard. But pumping up the emotional volume doesn’t work. However, I think I have good news for you. I think you’ve been heard today, by Bill and by me. I understand what you’re saying I get it, and I’m on it. I want you to let me work with Bill now. I can get through to him in ways you’re not positioned to be able to do. I’m an outside party; you’re his wife.”
Over the years, I’ve found this to be an enormously helpful position to take in therapy, no matter if the therapist happens to a man or a woman. I often say to female clients like Lydia, “I’ve got him. You don’t have to be his relational coach or teacher anymore. Give that job to me. You can afford to relax and start enjoying him again.” By stepping in, acknowledging the asymmetry in their relational skills and wishes, and explicitly offering myself as her ally, I hope to help women like Lydia resign from their role as their partner’s mentor. “I’ll coach Bill,” I tell Lydia. “You breathe, relax, let your heart open up again.”
Earlier in the session, I’d said I was excited for Bill. But with Lydia at the threshold of her own relational learning on how to break the traditional feminine role of silence and anger, I’m thrilled for her, too. I’m eager to teach her how to stand up for herself with love, how to switch from statements like “I don’t like how you’re treating me!” to ones like “I want to be close to you. I want to hear what you’re saying. Could you be kinder right now so I can hear better?”
Both partners need to learn how to be more skilled. But moving each toward increased intimacy requires leaving behind the old roles for them both. Real intimacy and patriarchy are at odds with each other. To the degree that a couple approaches the former, they move beyond the latter. As the old roles seek to reassert themselves in our society, it seems more important than ever to take a stand in favor of new ones, new configurations that provide more openness in men like Bill and more loving firmness in women like Lydia.
AGENTS OF CHANGE
For years, I quipped that, as a couples therapist, I was a medic in the vast gender war, patching up men and women in order to send them back out into the fray. But in the age of Trump, I don’t want to be a neutral medic anymore. I’d rather take a stand for healthy marriages. Pathology is rarely an aberration of the norm so much as an exaggeration of it. The way Bill had routinely controlled and savaged his wife, and the way she’d reacted, with distance and occasional rage of her own, were right out of the patriarchy playbook. Could I have done the same work with them without ever referencing gender roles, or masculinity? Perhaps, but why would I want to, when silhouetting a couple’s issues against the backdrop of gender roles in transition makes so much sense to people?
In 2013, sociologist Michael Kimmel wrote Angry White Men, about a group of people many now claim make up a large part of Trump’s base. Central to Kimmel’s findings was a sense of what he called “aggrieved entitlement,” which, from a psychological perspective, looks to leave the person they’re with as much as they want to leave the person they themselves have become. And it’s not that they’re looking for another person, but another self. But even happy people cheat, and affairs aren’t always a symptom of something wrong in the marriage or in the individual.
A lot like the fusion of shame and grandiosity, a perpetual sense of angry victimhood—in a word, patriarchy. In a new work, Kimmel looks at four organizations that help deprogram men who leave hate groups like white supremacists and jihadists. What he found implicit in all these hate groups was traditional masculinity: the more rigid the vision of the masculine, and the more fervently the man held onto such rigid beliefs, the more vulnerable he was to extremist politics and violence. Countering this vision of masculinity was key to the deprogramming.
With this as our cultural context, what we therapists are being called upon to do is what the WHO has already done—explicitly declare traditional masculinity a health hazard, not just to men, but to the families who live with them. We should continue to develop techniques for openly challenging toxic patriarchal notions like the one that says harsh inner critics are good for us, or the one that says vulnerability is a sign of weakness. We need to invite each gender to reclaim and explore its wholeness, as sexy, smart, competent women, as well as bighearted, strong, vulnerable men. We must check our own biases so as not to sell men short as intrinsically less emotional, for example, or to sell women short by not explicitly helping them find a voice in their relationships that’s simultaneously assertive and cherishing.
In these troubled times, what do we clinicians stand for if not the plumb line of intimacy? But we must remember that intimacy itself is a relatively new, and contentious, demand. Marriage wasn’t historically built for intimacy in today’s terms, but for stability and production. Under patriarchy, emotional intimacy itself is coded as “feminine,” as is therapy, for that matter. The intrinsic values of therapy—communication, understanding, empathy, self-compassion, the importance of emotion—these are all downplayed as “feminine” concerns in the traditional masculine playbook.
I want us therapists to put these concerns on the table, and stand up and be counted as agents for the historically new idea of lasting, long-term intimacy, and with it the increased health and happiness that study after study has shown it leads to. I want us to be more explicit—both in public discourse and in the privacy of our offices—in articulating the painful psychological costs of the old, patriarchal world order, which is asserting itself again in our lives. Democratic relationships simply work better than hierarchical ones in marriages, and both sexes are better off liberated from the dance of contempt. It’s healing for all our clients to move beyond the core collusion and speak truth to power. It’s healing for us therapists to do the same in the presence of those who want our guidance.
We’re the people who are being turned to for help when the old ways no longer work. We can merely patch things up, or we can aim our sights on transformation and offer an entirely new vision. The path toward sustained intimacy can’t be found in the resurgence of a patriarchal past. It’s part of our job and responsibility to point our clients toward the future. If we therapists are to be true agents of healing, we must first be true agents of change.
Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist, author, and teacher. He is particularly known for his groundbreaking work on men and male psychology as well as his work on gender and couples; he has been in private practice for over thirty years. Terry has appeared often as the relationship expert for Good Morning America and ABC News. His work has been featured in numerous academic articles as well as media venues such as Oprah, 20/20, The Today Show, CNN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today and many others.
This blog which originally appeared in the Psychotherapy Networker, was republished on NCCT with permission from the author.
Author: Terry Real
Check out a 2-Day Training with Terry Real of The Relational Life Institute
submitted by kerry_lusignan to u/kerry_lusignan [link] [comments]


2020.01.28 20:12 timfluencer Anybody willing to share their story as a film?

Hey yall,
Was wondering if anyone from the podcast is down to share their story through video or writeup?
I've been working mental health campaign for the past year that features people who have gotten through their illness and how they did it. For me it's such a hopeless thing that I always search for survivor stories but have a hard time finding ones I can relate to.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to mentalpod [link] [comments]


2020.01.28 19:55 timfluencer REPOST: What has helped you cope?

Trying to get people's thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year that features people who have gotten through their illness and how. It feels like such a hopeless thing that I always search feel these stories but have a hard time finding ones I can relate to.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.01.28 19:25 timfluencer What has helped you cope?

REPOST
Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to HealthAnxiety [link] [comments]


2020.01.27 22:06 timfluencer Who has actually gotten better?

REPOST
Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to itgetsbetter [link] [comments]


2020.01.26 00:07 98finishing A deep retrospective of Supreme Clientele - the album that saved the Wu-Tang.

At the turn of the century into the year 2000, amidst all manner of change and advancement, the Wu Tang Clan were stagnant. It had been 7 years since their seminal debut, but maybe more importantly, it had been 4 years since any of the members had put out a strong album. Reviews on their work in that time ranged from tepid to outright dismissal, and to put further strain on the group, they had to watch several other hip hop acts ascend into the winner's circle that had eluded them for the past half-decade. Outkast reached stardom. Dipset were growing rapidly. Jay-Z reached superstardom. If 6 months is considered a lifetime in Hip Hop, It wouldn't be a stretch to say that with another couple of poor releases, the writing would be on the wall.
Inspiration would come though, slowly but steadily over the course of a trip to Africa. Ghostface Killah and RZA retreated to the birthplace of man for months, and were left amongst different people, cultures, and landscapes. Why did they choose Africa? Who knows. Some speculated that Ghostface was seeking alternative treatment for his diabetes. Your guess holds as much merit as mine. But one thing that didn't have to be left to theorizing, was the shift in their attitudes as they emerged from their self-imposed exile. They were ready not just to invite themselves back to a seat at the dinner they helped prepare, but to relegate everyone back to the children's tables. Ghostface told The Source Magazine in 1999:
“With Ironman, I was going through a lot of trials and tribulations. But with this joint I’m trying to be a little bit more reflective and introspective.”
He gave this interview early in '99. We know that Supreme Clientele was released in early 2000. Did that mean that Ghost had disappeared halfway across the world for a few months, began working on the project for another few moths upon returning, and it wouldn't end up coming out for another year? He was really sitting on this for almost two years? Well yes, I suppose. But it didn't unfold in the way that you think.
 *** PHOTO GALLERY 
Ghost, at his most intimidating. A young Tony, reclining with his partner in crime. Ironman chilling with RZA's brother, Divine. Ghostface in one of his Supreme Clientele era outfits.
 *** 
Way back on a January evening in 1995, at a nightclub called the Palladium, had you been present, would have resulted in you seeing an excitable Ghostface Killah. You might have been tempted to go up to him and introduce yourself, then maybe ask for an autograph. That would have been a very bad idea. Because what put Ghostdini in such a riled up state, was the realization that his tires had been slashed. One thing led to another, and the night culminated with Ghost laying a beating on the valet who was supposed to be watching his wheels, and then relieving the man of $3000 dollars. 4 years later, the case rattles down the judicial pipeline just in time to halt whatever progress he's made on the record. Before you know it Ghost is being called before a judge, and almost immediately...
"copped out the six, five years probation." -Ghostface Killah, Saturday Nite, Track 4 of Supreme Clientele
Cops out to 6 months in jail, and 5 years probation. He's immediately sent to the infamous prison Rikers island to begin his sentence right away. Separated from the studio and the rest of his ten-man team, his days spent are a reminder of the time that he's wasting. So he began to write. Penning lyrics to no music in his cell, many of these verses ended up on the album, comprising entire songs. The result was songs like the opener Nutmeg, in which he sounds like he's treading water on the beat, head above the waves and belting out his lines seemingly as they occur to him. That being said, Nutmeg is a perfect place, both stylistically and tracklist-wise, to begin the actual album's analysis.
Breakdown
Robotic, let's think optimistic You probably missed it, watch me Dolly Dick it. -Ghostface Killah, Nutmeg, Track 2, Supreme Clientele
The opening verse of the opening track to open the new millenium. And he's taunting you already. " You probably missed it." With the slang, double entendres and references so obscure he might as well be talking to himself, Nutmeg is like baked ziti. Ghost's words at first glance are the cheese that layers the top, inviting and rich. Dig past it and only then do you realize how deep the dish goes, and that you couldn't possibly digest it all. Like with good ziti though, even full to bursting, you couldn't be more satisfied and content, a feeling we can attribute to the soulful production envelloping you. The song samples Eddie Holman's "It's Over", with the primary melody being a flute pitched to sound like a human's voice. Light, airy, and with subdued percussion, the instrumental takes care not to overpower Ghost. That appears a stylistic choice that makes the tempo of the forthcoming track One, that much more immediate.
Trauma, hands is like candy canes, lay my balls on ice The branches in my weed be the vein. -One, Track 3, Supreme Clientele
The lyrics somehow, seem even less tangentially related, with Ghost maybe seeing the need to cut out any unnecessary lyrics to match the extra kick over the more assertive beat. Leaping from giving dick to Oprah to referencing DC's mayor's craving for crack, and stringing it along naturally, is only possible because Ghost completely disregards conjunctions or any association whatsoever. His stories are lively as ever, and each verse births a dozen vignettes, welded to chaotic cohesion. Saturday Nite, the song that follows, is a prime example of this. A snapshot of a wild Saturday for Ghostdini, spirals out of control as the Feds step in. His bars are dense, and while he isn't rapping quickly, the frantic Frank Zappa-like production behind him makes it feel that way. This song is the closest you'll get to a central plot over the entire tracklist, and he still makes it feel like you're translating runes. This initial pace finds itself dissipating slowly though, as Ghost settles into the more soulful pocket with tracks 5 & 6 Ghost Deini and Apollo Kids.
Everybody break bread, huddle around, Guzzle that, I'm about to throw hair on your back, Since the face been revealed, game got real, Radio been gassing niggas, my imposters scream they're ill. -Apollo Kids, Track 6, Supreme Clientele
If Ghost Deini is water unbroken and holding the sun's glittering reflection, then it would be apt to call Apollo Kids the wave that drags you down into Ghost's world. The soul influence becomes even more pronounced towards the middle of this album, but a smart Raekwon verse prevents Ghostface's voice from getting stale. These two tracks back to back do much to cement this album's sound, outside of any emotion an individual track may carry. Apollo Kids is definitely maximalist, with diverse instrumentation supporting Ghost's first verse assertions that now matter how hard you try and emulate his style, you're really not coming close. Track 7, The Grain, takes the album slightly off course, with a sort of inversion of the record's first song. Instead of the subdued percussion on Nutmeg, We see the kicks carry the beat, like blows to the stomach. Much like what Kanye did on the song Gotta Have It 11 years later, RZA's production manipulates the Rufus Thomas sample into the drum pattern itself, making for unique texture over the piano loop. Buck Fifty, a reference to catching a slash to the face, is the next song, coming with one of the larger feature lists on the project. Red, Meth, and Cappadonna pass the baton between each other seamlessly, with zero lack of chemistry. Their braggadocio suits the upbeat instrumental, which is short lived before we see the sound head off in a murkier direction with Mighty Healthy.
Both hands clusty, chilling with my man Rusty, Low down, blew off the burner kinda dusty -Mighty Healthy, Track 9, Supreme Clientele
Mighty Healthy sees the return of the classic Wu Tang sampling of martial arts movies. 1979's Shaolin Rescuers kicks the track off, with the vocal sample warning of how easy it is to kill once you've got the taste for blood. Ghost, who is at this point a serial killer for what he's done to the past 9 beats, ignores this sound advice and lays waste to another. It's fitting that this is the track that we see the implementation of the old Wu love for kung fu flicks, as it's reminiscent of the 36 chambers in many ways. Cold and gritty, it serves as a sharp break from the previous tracks, which played like The Supremes had gone onstage with dime-pieces in their Wallabies. A quick skit follows, painting the picture of an increasingly frustrated Ghost dealing with one of his crackhead clientele, and it's off to the races again with Stay True and We Made It, respectively. Here once more, Ghost follows a lighter song, with the hard hitting, brash, horn filled We Made It. The contrast makes it feel stronger by association, drawing your ear in further as Ghost meditates on his life after success. Superb delivers one of the best features on the album, speaking to some gritty depictions. That being said it's nowhere near as harsh as track 13, Stroke Of Death.
Thank God for my Wallabee shoes, they done saved me, Up three-nothing and Salt Lake City, Burgundy minks, whips with sinks in 'em Brocolli blown, illa disease breath, elephant skin. -Stroke of Death, Track 13, Supreme Clientele
Infamously described by Chris Rock as "so gangster it makes you wanna stab your baby sitter", Stroke Of Death has a beat that really leaves you questioning how it even sounds so good. It's plays like a loud microwave being brought back every two bars by a record scratch, without a drum presence. And it works. This track shines an important light on how strong Ghostface's aura is when he steps up to a mic. RZA does more than hold his own with the final verse on the song, getting his signature off-kilter flow to mesh wonderfully with the grim beat behind him. A skit succeeds this song, which is in turn succeeded by Malcolm, a track that interpolates a Malcolm X speech, woven into Ghost's interpretation of his philosophy. The instrumental is airy in a way that's not dissimilar to Nutmeg, while maintaining its own sound all the while. Another skit follows, with the clan discussing which celebrities they'd fuck, appearing as an odd choice for discussion when it's leading into the most heartfelt and intimate song on the project, Childs Play.
Puppy love, gorgeous face, amazed by lip gloss, Cherry scent, when the princess spoked yo it bounched off, Mole like Marilyn Monroe, threw a rose in her mouth, Wherever God go will be Mrs. Cole, -Child's Play, Track 17, Supreme Clientele
A rarely unguarded Ghostface invites you to take a trip down memory lane with him, as he speaks to common childhood experiences like infatuation and standardized testing. The piano heavy beat works beautifully, and we even see Ghost try his hand at singing a bit. It's a great song, and does wonders in establishing how well rounded the project is, inviting the listener deeper into his world than just bravado. The softer track trend continues with the next song, Cherchez- La Ghost. A bouncy melody, and whispering percussion, along with the RnB hook establishes Ghost's experimentation with club music. Sampling “Cherchez La Femme” by Dr Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band, this song charted highly for Ghost, proving his adaptability. The lyrics are driven to a club audience as well, but that doesn't mean we don't see the lyrical stylings that makes Ghost unique. As much as we've been appreciating the tender tracks in this little run in the listing, Ghost swoops in one last time to remind us why we loved him in the first place, with a few Clan members in tow, on Wu- Banga 101.
Bottles goin' off in the church, we broke the wine, Slapped the pastor, didn't know Pop had asthma, He pulled out his blue bible, change fell out his coat, Three condoms, two dice, one bag of dope. -Wu Banga 101, Track 19, Supreme Clientele
The Wu Tang Clan assemble like Voltron on the last track of the album, with GZA kicking things off with a great verse. Ghost, Rae, Masta Killa, and Capadonna follow, spitting true to form over a classic Wu-Tang beat. Goes to show you, that no matter how fancy the meal is, sometimes you just want to close it out with some vanilla ice-cream.
And that's it. A distorted Raekwon dissing 50 Cent gets a track to itself after this, and one of Ghostface's classic Iron Man skits straight from the comic books, closes out the album. The album dropped, and the success was immediate. Supreme Clientele was met with instant acclaim and strong sales. Considered fun and witty, while still gritty and original, the record ushered in a new era for Wu relevance. Albums like Fishscale and OB4CL 2, were successes in the new millennium, partially because the Clan were able to hold onto their listeners by proving themselves as able to reinvent their sound. There is no doubt that this album saved the Wu Tang Clan.
But with all that being said, could they not have invested more time into their commercials?
submitted by 98finishing to hiphopheads [link] [comments]


2020.01.25 18:01 58Shark Interviews on Beloved

From a Demme interview with The Guardian
AW: You have now made, aside from Storefront Hitchcock, a big movie which has come out in the States but which we're going to see a little later on, perhaps at the beginning of next year, and that's Beloved. Could you tell us a little bit about that? What attracted you to Toni Morrison's novel and how you got involved in it. It's an incredibly famous novel, and I know that it's been very much a personal project of Oprah Winfrey's.
JD: Oprah bought the book shortly after it came out, which was about 10 or 11 years ago. I got involved two years ago. I know that she had talked to other directors and that there had been other drafts of the script. When it came to me, two years ago at Christmas, I find it hard to believe that such an aggressively different kind of movie was actually going to be financed. That was one reaction I had. The movie deals with a very difficult subject, and it's not a subject that America is dying for opportunities to confront and that is the unresolved, tragic subject of slavery in our country. It's arguably a subject that the entire world has to come to terms with appropriately. It's not just that we were a colonial territory where slavery, this horrendous thing between the races, was acted out. It started in other hemispheres. It's a deep, challenging piece that just, to me, had incredibly emotional rewards. And also it's a ghost story and it has a deeply suspenseful, deeply disturbing, supernatural dimension to it.
The American history books - taught in our public school system - and most of the popular literature and movies rarely look at this amazing part of American history. An entire people were set free, in the sense that slavery was abolished, and then turned out in an extraordinarily hostile environment to create lives for themselves and future generations. So this great heroic initiative began on the part of the black race in America and there's just so little about that in this period that we call Reconstruction. I just think that the light Toni Morrison shed on it, and the way she dived into this fresh terrain with such imagination was just an amazing opportunity for me as a film-maker.
AW: What was it like working with Oprah Winfrey when it was her project and she was going to be one of the main characters in it? She was effectively going to be the producer on the project. Did that lead to tensions or was it always a plain sailing relationship?
JD: There were never creative tensions. Oprah is certainly one of the credited producers, and later, especially in the editing phase, her opinions and points of view came positively into play - along with her partner Kate Fortay, Ed Sackson, Gary Getson and the rest. We had a five person producing team working on the movie. Maybe that's why it's so long. It's two hours, forty minutes long and there's a lot to produce there for us! Oprah felt and rightly so, that with such an able team working on the producing that she could concentrate on the extraordinarily difficult task of bringing her character, Sethe, to life. As Beloved is unique to cinema there's never been a character like Sethe. Oprah doesn't act that much but she's incredibly gifted and as exciting an actor as anyone I've ever worked with, both with the ideas she brings to the table and her ability to change focus, she was a joy to work with. She was just so pleased to act her part that there was never a moment's aggravation whatsoever.
How do you work with actors to create such strong performances?
JD: Thank you for that question. What I do is I only work with actors who take full responsibility for their characters. There's never a moment in my process where I sit down and explain the character to the actor, I figure that that's their responsibility and their job. If they have any questions about their character from what they see in the script then that we should talk about beforehand, but other than that I like to go to the set and have the actors show up and start doing whatever it is they've prepared.
I like to start filming as quickly as possible. I like to get what the blocking is going to be like and then I like to start filming, rehearsing on film. It amazes me that so many directors rehearse so much - and with great effect I have to say - but I always have this terror that, "What if your actors do it perfect and you're not filming? What if they find exactly the best way to do it and you're sitting there waiting?" Where I do collaborate with the actor has more to do with ideas about a change this way or that way, an emphasis within the body of any particular scene, or maybe perceiving that doing it the crying way isn't working so suggesting doing it the laughing way. I also have a spoken agreement with the actors that this is okay with them. I very much want the actors to feel that they get to do the character the way they have prepared it, to their satisfaction on film. And they have to allow me to express a different way that I would like to see it done and they will do that wholeheartedly for me.
One of the reasons for that is that I feel that in terms of human relations this works better. Acting is by far and away the toughest job, in terms of film-making and maybe even the arts. How they do it I don't know, but they have to be allowed to get their satisfaction. Since bringing that rule in and realising that the best way to get my way is to let them get their way too, I've sometimes discovered in the cutting room that hey, they were right. So I get to get my ideas out of my system and they get to get their ideas out of their system and in the cutting room we find out what works.
I love the book Beloved, but is the movie compromised at all because it has been made by such a big company like Buena Vista?
JD: Not in the slightest. We were allowed to make exactly the movie - to the best of our ability - we wanted to make. There are two reasons for that. One of them is that this was a cherished project for Oprah Winfrey. Even Toni Morrison told her, you'll never make a movie out of this book, and I don't know why you want to buy it. Oprah was just utterly committed both to making the movie and playing the part. She has a tremendously successful television show, of course, in America, and that's all very involved with ABC and Disney. So, on one level, Oprah and what she does is such a corporate asset - in the best sense - for Disney and ABC that I can imagine few people there wondering whether to back Oprah's vision here or not! That's one thing.
The other thing is that the guy who was most responsible for running Disney films is a guy called Joe Roth, and he was desperate to make this movie. The only pressure we got from him was to make sure we gave it our collective best shot. So there was no tampering. This is it.
Why do you make films?
JD: Hey, it's what I do... Well, gosh I don't know. I feel that I need a deep answer to that. I suppose it's because I love movies. I love humanity and I'm fascinated with the way humanity gets at each other, in good ways and bad, and as a film-maker it gives me the opportunity to trip out on that. I love visual things. It's a very exciting job to have.
I don't have an agenda, particularly, although from movie to movie there's a momentary agenda. I really wanted to make a movie that addressed the issue of Aids. A friend of mine, who I love very much, got Aids and it really got me in a very intense way how tough life was for people with Aids. Again Ed Saxon and Ron ... who wrote it had similar motivations to say something like that, and to say something about the unspeakable discrimination that was being visited on people with Aids who were up against a very heroic, tough struggle to begin with. With Beloved, I was given the opportunity to have very intense personal feelings about race relations and the state of racial affairs in my country and indeed the world. I had very strong feelings, so the chance to make a film that deals in an imaginative way with stuff you care tremendously about is a real high. It's a really amazing thing to be able to do.
Jonathan Demme interview with Charlie Rose on "Beloved" (1998) (37:43)
"The Filmmaker Series: Jonathan Demme" - Premiere - Demme Interview.
Oprah's Crusade - Chicago Tribute - Interview with Demme and Oprah.
Extracts from Journey to Beloved by Oprah - Oprah's diary enteries from the making of the movie.
From an Oprah interview with Collider
You read Toni Morrison’s Beloved very early on, correct?
WINFREY: Yeah, right around the time it came out, and before I had a book club. Not only would I carry books and hand them out to people, but I would call up the authors because, back in the day, there was such a thing as the phone book and a lot of authors would have their names listed. Toni Morrison was not listed because she was kind of famous, but a lot of other authors were. So, I ended up calling the fire department in her town and telling then a story. I told a small fib and got somebody to call her and let her know that I was trying to call her. I got the number and I called her. After you finish a book, you just want to talk to somebody about it, and I always think, “No better person to talk to than the person who wrote it.” So, I called Toni Morrison and I said, “Miss Morrison, I just finished reading Beloved and I just want to know if people tell you that they have to go over the lines, again and again. And she said, “That, my dear, is called reading.” And so, I started talking to her about the rights to the story. She said that she didn’t think it could be made into a movie. But 10 years later, we actually did it.
How do you stick with something that long and not lose faith?
WINFREY: Well, because anybody who has ever done anything knows that, when you believe, it doesn’t matter what other people think. You just have to keep finding a way to align your vision with other people who will receive and accept your vision. And when the time is right, if it is for you, it will show itself, if you believe.
And then, after 10 years of struggling to get the film made, Beloved opened and Bride of Chucky beat it at the box office.
WINFREY: I didn’t know what the hell Bride of Chucky was. And I didn’t know anything about how the movie business worked because I was doing my daily show. I was all excited. I didn’t know that you only had one weekend, and then it’s over. So, it came out on a Friday, and that Saturday morning I got a call and they said, “That’s it.” I got the call at like 8:30 in the morning, and by 10:30, I had my face in a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Literally, I went into a numbing depression about it, and I was like that for a long time. It was 1998 and I remember thinking, “I think I’m depressed, but who can I go see? I’m Oprah Winfrey, and they’ll tell everybody.” I remember saying to myself, “I’m going to pray myself out of it. And if I can’t and I’m not better in a month, then I’m going to try to figure out how I can get myself some help.” I still had to go to work, every day. I was devastated by it.
And I remember saying to a friend of mine, Gary Zukav, who wrote Seat of the Soul, “Gary, I think I’m depressed.” He said, “Why?” I said, “Because I spent 10 years of my life doing this film.” And he said, “Well, what was your intention?” I am a person who lives my life based on intention. I don’t do anything without intention because intention determines the outcome of your life. It’s like cause and effect. If I have a religion, my religion is the third law of motion in physics, which says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Well, before there is even an action, there is always an intention behind the action, and that intention is going to determine what the outcome is. I said, “Well, my intention was to create a beautiful film that people will see and know that in spite of what slavery did to people, that those people could still love.” He said, “I felt that.” I said, “Well, I wanted people to feel it.” And he said, “Other people felt it. I went with other people, and they felt it.” I said, “Well, I wanted millions of people to feel it.” He said, “That’s not what you said. That wasn’t your intention. If you wanted millions of people to feel it, you would have done a different kind of film.
That really was my wake-up. I thought, “Yeah, you’re right.” I had the studios saying, “You should cut this. You should cut that. It’s not testing well.” I said, “I don’t care about that. What I care about is honoring the work, and honoring what Toni Morrison put on the page.” But, I would do that differently now because I want millions of people to see it. That would be my intention. I learned, and it was a really expensive mistake.
Did that make you cautious about doing another movie?
WINFREY: Well, it changed everything for me. The truth is that I never wanted anything as much as I wanted The Color Purple. I told God, “If you let me get The Color Purple, I promise I won’t want anything else,” and I have never yearned for something that deeply, where I thought, “If it doesn’t happen, I don’t think I’m going to live.” That surrender thing really changed my life, forever, and how I operate with everything. And with Beloved, I had worked on that for that 10 years. I wasn’t as disappointed as I would have been with The Color Purple, but I decided that until something else comes along that is important for me to tell, I’m not going to give up my energy to it, in the way that I’d given up my energy to that. It was a lesson to manage myself more, in a way where I’m only doing the things that matter.
Winfrey Confronts the Strength and the Spirits of 'Beloved' - Roger Ebert
Actors on Actors: Thandie Newton and Oprah Winfrey (Full Video) They actually only mention Beloved briefly but this still may be of interest to people.
From a Thandie Newton Interview with The Telegraph
Where does this one rank?
It's my favourite. Of everything I've ever done. The book is my favourite novel ever. And it's the one that thrust me onto the world stage, though it wasn't half as successful as we thought it would be. Another valuable lesson learned; don't think about awards while you're working.
Did you feel an onerous responsibility to the material?
Oh my God, yeah. But also from just being on the set; this is (co-star, executive producer) Oprah Winfrey's love child. And (director) Jonathan Demme. And let me tell you, he made me feel like I had to really earn the right to be in this movie. I had the audition, and he didn't tell me for two weeks whether I had the role. So I called him, and he's like oh yeah, I knew two weeks ago. He's very controlling. But then again, I've been on movies where the director isn't in control, and it's terrifying. There's got to be someone at the tiller. Movies made by committee are s___.
A lot of people found you quite scary in the movie; you appeared genuinely possessed. . .
I did so much research, because I didn't really know who she was. So I made up a subtext; she was a woman who'd somehow been invaded by a malevolent spirit. And they'd got some speech-altering device that would make my voice go into a growly-deep timbre. So we had a read-through of the script, before we started shooting, at Oprah's ranch in Indiana. Jonathan was so shifty; he'd said we wouldn't read the script, we were just there to enjoy ourselves. So after supper, and wine, Jonathan says hey, let's read the script! And I'd been working on the voice; I can do crazy things with my voice and body. I should have joined the circus. So I did the voice without any artificial aids at all.
Kimberly Elise - Memories of BELOVED - reelblack interview (13:35)
"A Beloved Peace" - The International Cinematographers Guild Magazine - Interview with Tak Fujimoto and effects supervisor Steve Rundell.
Despite Hope, 'Beloved' Generates Little Heat Among Moviegoers - New York Times - Article from the time with some quotes from analysts and chairman of Walt Disney Studios Joe Roth, about the failure at the box office.
Beloved Spat - Chicago Tribune - Article about the conflict over the screenwriter credits.
Hollywood Archeology: Beloved by Karina Longworth - Really good article about the movie's development and its disappointing performance. (Thanks PartyBluejay for showing me this.)
Not had much luck finding it, but people may be interested in a Demme co-produced documentary, directed by Lisa Gay Hamilton, about Beah Richards. It is called Beah: A Black Woman Speaks. Here is a clip of it. (7:39)
submitted by 58Shark to blankies [link] [comments]


2020.01.24 22:00 timfluencer Would stories of people who got through it give you hope?

REPOST
Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to getting_over_it [link] [comments]


2020.01.24 21:29 timfluencer Have you gotten better? (apologies if this doesn't fit the sub)

REPOST
Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to fuckeatingdisorders [link] [comments]


2020.01.24 03:20 timfluencer Have you recovered? (apologies if this doesn't fit the sub)

REPOST
Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to EatingDisorderHope [link] [comments]


2020.01.24 01:30 timfluencer Have you gotten through to the other side? (apologies if this doesn't fit the sub)

Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to depressionregimens [link] [comments]


2020.01.23 20:33 timfluencer Are you a survivor of mental illness and/or suicide? (ignore if this doesn't fit the sub)

Hey yall,
I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better.
WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!
submitted by timfluencer to Antipsychiatry [link] [comments]


2020.01.20 20:38 timfluencer Are you a survivor of mental illness? [REPORTSURVIVAL]

Hey yall,
#ReportSurvival is an initiative to share real life survivor stories, give the hopeless hope, and help end suicide contagion. Right now we're looking for people who have stories that they'd be willing to share. If you or someone you know does, we'd love to hear from ya! Also, if you have feedback on the proposal below we welcome your comments.
All the best,
The #ReportSurvival team

WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival**?**
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
  1. Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.
WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear it and potentially feature it to help launch this initi1ative.
submitted by timfluencer to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.01.20 20:03 timfluencer Are you a survivor of mental illness?

Hey Los Angelites,
I'm an ad guy who's suffered from depression and anxiety his whole life and have been working on a campaign with a team of peeps to share real life survivor stories, give the hopeless hope, and help end suicide contagion. Right now I'm looking for people who have stories in the LA area. If you or someone you know does, I'd love to hear from ya! Also, if you have feedback on the proposal below I'd welcome your comments.
Tim

WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?
The news is killing people.
When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called suicide contagion, and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates.
Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly.
With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival.
#ReportSurvival?
#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't.
WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?
Why survivor stories?
For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them:
“Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.”
“Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.”
“It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.”
“Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.”
“Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."
"People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."
Don’t survivor stories already exist?
When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality.
Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways:
  1. Relevance - Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to.
  2. Quality - We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers.
  3. Compelling Content - We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective.
  4. Understanding We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless.
  5. Casting - Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied.
  6. Link to Treatment - This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need.
HOW WILL THIS WORK?
For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen:
  1. It’s nothing new: Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines.
  2. We made it simple: We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy.
  3. Broadcast quality: Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment.
  4. Variety: With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story.
  5. Pre-launch partnership: We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow.
  6. PR: A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts.
  7. Legitimacy: Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps.
  8. They already care: Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of.
With that, let’s go over how this works executionally.
1) Pre-Launch: The Stories
Casting
First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net.
Production
To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to.
Partnerships
The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get.
2) Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival
Influencers
Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support.
Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are.
Bring on the News
As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand.
3) Launch
Wait for it
Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action.

WHO ARE WE?
I’m Tim
I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm.
I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it.
That’s why this isn’t something I want to do. This is something I will do.
The Agency
My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis.
DO YOU HAVE A STORY?
We'd love to hear it and potentially feature it to help launch this initative.
submitted by timfluencer to AskLosAngeles [link] [comments]


How to Trust Yourself After You've Made Bad Choices w/ Iyanla Vanzant  #OWNSHOW  Oprah Online How To Take The Best Nap  #OWNSHOW  Oprah Online - YouTube Why Your Doctor Wants You To Have More Sex  #OWNSHOW ... EARN MONEY ON THE CLICKBANK PARTNER PROGRAM WITHOUT A ... Iyanla Vanzant's Best Advice for Coping with Infidelity ... The Stretch You Didn’t Realize You’ve Needed  #OWNSHOW  Oprah Online Idris Elba Opens Up To Oprah About Testing Positive For ... Five Habits Every Strong Woman Keeps  #OWNSHOW  Oprah Online Why Aiden Wants to Save His BF “Eddie”  #OWNSHOW  Oprah ...

Oprah Winfrey and partner Stedman Graham step out togeter

  1. How to Trust Yourself After You've Made Bad Choices w/ Iyanla Vanzant #OWNSHOW Oprah Online
  2. How To Take The Best Nap #OWNSHOW Oprah Online - YouTube
  3. Why Your Doctor Wants You To Have More Sex #OWNSHOW ...
  4. EARN MONEY ON THE CLICKBANK PARTNER PROGRAM WITHOUT A ...
  5. Iyanla Vanzant's Best Advice for Coping with Infidelity ...
  6. The Stretch You Didn’t Realize You’ve Needed #OWNSHOW Oprah Online
  7. Idris Elba Opens Up To Oprah About Testing Positive For ...
  8. Five Habits Every Strong Woman Keeps #OWNSHOW Oprah Online
  9. Why Aiden Wants to Save His BF “Eddie” #OWNSHOW Oprah ...

If you feel confused and depressed after a bad relationship, you are not alone. Here's Iyanla Vanzant's best advice for getting over cheaters. For more on #F... Oprah Winfrey Network is the first and only network named for, and inspired by, a single iconic leader. Oprah Winfrey's heart and creative instincts inform the brand -- and the magnetism of the ... Dr. Lauren Streicher discusses the health benefits of getting between the sheets with your significant other. For more on #OWNSHOW, visit http://bit.ly/1pTml... Oprah Winfrey Network is the first and only network named for, and inspired by, a single iconic leader. Oprah Winfrey's heart and creative instincts inform the brand -- and the magnetism of the ... Idris Elba and wife Sabrina Dhowre open up about being COVID-19 positive and self-isolating together on Oprah Winfrey's new Apple TV+ series 'Oprah Talks COV... There is nothing better than a great nap, but can we nap better? Dr. Sara Mednick author of Take A Nap, Change Your Life shares the guidelines for getting th... The stars of Tyler Perry’s If Loving You Is Wrong, Amanda Clayton and Aiden Turner dish on love triangles, filming together and why Aiden wants to save 'Eddi... Best-selling author of 'Carry On Warrior', Glennon Doyle Melton, shares how strong women are all completely different... but they share the same habits that ... FOLLOW this LINK = (https://tinyurl.com/Super-Affiliate-Marketing) REGISTER for a FREE VEBINAR AND FIND out WHAT you NEED to EARN GOOD MONEY STARTING TOMORRO...