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Melbourne, Australia: Local news and other tidbits

2008.07.25 02:09 Melbourne, Australia: Local news and other tidbits

A subreddit for Melburnians and Melbourne enthusiasts!

2020.09.26 13:54 exhalegaseoussilver AUD$2500 gaming/school computer

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
submitted by exhalegaseoussilver to buildapcforme [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 17:34 Orange_Pukeko $2000 AUD Work+Gaming PC; First build

>**What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.**
We want to use this PC for both work and games. For work we use various scientific and graphical software, most demanding would be large, high definition Adobe illustrator projects and graphing tools. I also am currently using the Native Ubuntu on Windows, for which I often have to duplicate large (up to 100’s of GB) files such that they can exist in both OS environments.
For games, we currently play large single player games like the Witcher and would like to keep playing like this as new games come out and use MODS where we want. We also play less demanding online games like Overwatch.
Furthermore we would like this PC to be compatible with VR. So that we can play VR games like Half Life Alyx
>**What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?**
$2000 AUD
>**When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.**
ASAP, we currently have a week off, but don’t expect to have the parts in that soon. We can take another extended break in 6-8 weeks or build it in the evenings.
>**What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc\)**
We have one cheap HD monitor and a Razor mouse. Everythin else is included.
>**Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?**
Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
>**If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.**
Monitor: HP 22YH display
Mouse: Razor Deathadder elite
>**Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?**
>**Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)**
We would like to have a combination of HDD and SSD and are aiming for 2TB in storage, more would be nice.
>**What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.**
Wired and WiFi compatible, Router is the generic Telstra one.
>**Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?**
We do not care about fancy colours or lighting. We are going 100% for function. We are not particularly limited by space, so a full tower seems good to us.
>**Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?**
Likely can procure a copy of Windows through work, so not included in budget.
>**Extra info or particulars:**
If we said anything that seems odd to you, we’re probably misinformed about that aspect. This would be our first build and the first desktop PC that either of us have owned in about a decade.
We welcome any and all questions or comments, as that is how we hope to learn.
submitted by Orange_Pukeko to buildapcforme [link] [comments]

2020.09.20 01:01 Rumbuck_274 Is the IVF Clinic ignorant? Or just trying for money hoping I do the tests through them?

So me and my wife have IVF coming up, and this is with a new clinic in Brisbane in Australia.
Thanks to the wonder that is testicular cancer, all we are getting from me is some seminal popsicles.
I have zero testicles, none, zip, Nada, zilch. Can produce exactly zero contribution to the process.
So when the paperwork arrived I didn't read it, I just read the date at the top, saved it in my calendar, and got in with life.
So the wife on Friday messages me "You need to do those tests" so I look at the email properly. HIV, Hepatitis, Syphilis, etc. All the STD checks.
That's weird, my last batch of all those STD checks were fine when I froze my samples before my last orchiectomy. Weird that they want that done. Nothing practically could have changed since I got that.
Me us me, R is Receptionist, N is nurse
So I ring the clinic:
Me: "Hi this is Rumbuck, I have an IVF appointment booked for [date] with [Doctor] but they've asked for a heap of STD checks on me, which seems a bit redundant because you're using my frozen sperm because I can no longer produce"
R: "Sir, were those tests done more than 6 months ago?"
Me: "Yes"
R: "Then sir, not to accuse you of anything, but we need more up to date tests than 6 months due to the possibility of someone acquiring those STD's"
Me: "But why is that relevant?"
R: "Because those STD's can be transmitted from the sample to your partner and the baby"
Me: "How?"
R: "Sir, I'll pass you through to the Nurse to explain"
Me: "Sure"
Cue 10 minutes of hold muzak
N: "Hello this is [Nurse] am I speaking with Rumbuck?"
Me: "Yes"
N: "You have some questions about the STD checks?"
Me: "Yes, I am curious as to why I would need to do these, because I have no ability to produce naturally anymore due to cancer, so it will be a frozen cycle"
N: "It's policy"
Me: "Policy?"
N: "Yes"
Me: "But why would this be a policy"
N: Explains how STD's can be transmitted from fluids
Me: "But, don't get me wrong I'm not a medical person, but if I didn't have these diseases 6 years ago when I saved my first samples, nor when I made a freezing at the start of 2020 when I had this the second time, even if I got these diseases in the interim, what's the issue? Can they magically jump from me via no physical or fluid contact back in time to infect my frozen samples?"
N: "Ahh I see, well it's policy"
Me: "Why? You are the people that everyone says to come to in our situation where the man can no longer produce, everyone says to come to you as the experts in the state, I just want to know why/how this is relevant, if it wasn't relevant months and years ago, those samples are a snapshot in time, nothing I do now can change them"
N: "Look Sir, you can discuss this with the doctor at your first appointment, but it's policy because of the risks of transmission. However if you don't get those tests, then we may not be we to do IVF"
Me: "Sure, bye"
Now I get that it might be policy, but I already get jabbed at least twice a month for blood tests, and my local path lab can only do a couple of tests per jab for some reason, I think it's due to how much blood they can take at a time. So these tests would require extra pokes with a needle into my already stuffed veins after hundreds of jabs over the last 6 years, I am sick and tired of being a human fucking pincushion here, especially if the tests are pointless.
Can someone explain to me why any of these tests on my side are relevant at all if they are doing a frozen cycle? They have no other option here.
I mean, I am 100% sure I don't have anything, so that's not a concern, but after all these years of cancer bullshittery, I'm just sick and tired of being jabbed with needles. On more than one occasion I've been tempted to say "Fuck the monitoring, if it comes back and kills me then I've had a good run"
submitted by Rumbuck_274 to infertility [link] [comments]

2020.09.19 04:35 Miidguard Looking to do a full upgrade

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
Extra info or particulars:
I live fairly close to a Umart within Brisbane so that would be my first choice of retailer as I can go pickup the parts, but I am happy to get parts from elsewhere.
submitted by Miidguard to buildapcforme [link] [comments]

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submitted by elekktra_co to u/elekktra_co [link] [comments]

2020.09.04 11:46 Str8Outta2750 Re-post and Update - The Disappearance of Rista Chanthavixay (Sydney, New South Wales, Australia – 24 March 2009)

Last year, I posted on this subreddit the case of Rista Chanthavixay - a girl who disappeared after being last seen in Liverpool, a South-Western suburb of Sydney, Australia, on 24 March 2009 (link to previous post - here). My previous post was on the 10th anniversary of her last confirmed sighting.
I have decided to submit this new post, to again highlight and bring attention to Rista's case - but also to recap, update and also expand upon details regarding it too. Sadly, Rista's case still remains unsolved; however the major development in the past 12 months has been, that her case has been reopened by the New South Wales Police - with a Strike Force being formed by the Unsolved Homicide Squad (also known as the Unsolved Homicide Unit - the NSW Police seem inconsistent in their naming/reference to this division) to reinvestigate her case. On this point, I would also refer fellow Redditors to the post made by u/peachywine in September last year for further reading (link - here).
I have been intrigued by Rista's case, since I first heard about it a few years ago - for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it was a case that, in my view, seemed to receive little attention - aside from an advertising campaign in Sydney, of which Rista was the focus of, during Missing Persons Week in August 2010 (Source: Campaign Brief). Secondly, it is a case littered with contradicting and even erroneous details in its reporting - notably the spelling of her surname (I will get to that later on).
However, I am going to recap Rista's case in two main parts - firstly, the outline of her case, based on the facts to date; and secondly, I'm going to discuss other talking points on Rista's case - based around statements from anecdotal sources, which I believe are worthy of at least a discussion. I will close out this post with my personal opinion and theories on her case.
Background and Case Outline
Rista Chanthavixay (her surname pronounced as “Chahn-ta-wi-sai” - which is of Lao origin) was 15 years old (born on 5 July 1993, according to this published source - link), at the time she disappeared. She had grown up in the South-Western Sydney suburb of Heckenberg - and has been described in reports as being of both Lao and Cambodian background (although questions do surround the accuracy in reporting on her background, which I’ll also get to further on).
In the lead up to her disappearance, Rista had moved out of her family home; and moved in with her boyfriend (whom she attended school with) - at his family's home in the neighbouring suburb of Mount Pritchard, around November 2008. According to reports, Rista allegedly had a falling out with her father. She had only limited contact with her mother, after leaving home. She was a student at Ashcroft High School; and had recently started a part-time job at McDonald’s in Bonnyrigg Heights – working one shift a week.
On the day of her disappearance, Rista had an apparent argument with her boyfriend - according to some reports, possibly over their relationship status. Although there's conflicting details of where this incident took place - it appears it occurred in Liverpool, around the vicinity Westfield Shopping Centre - most probably at the nearby Apex Park. Most reports indicate the argument took place in the afternoon, some quoting at approximately 4.15 pm - which would have been after school for Rista and her boyfriend. Following this exchange; her boyfriend then left, leaving Rista behind and alone at the scene (allegedly, Rista requested to him that she wanted to be "left alone"), ultimately not to see her again. This incident is declared to be her last ‘confirmed’ sighting, according to NSW Police.
Rista failed to return to the home she shared with her boyfriend and his family (or for that matter, her family's home either); and failed to return to her school; or her workplace. Her known bank account (reportedly containing a nominal value of "...more than $200"); and her mobile phone account, have remained untouched since her disappearance. She has also not made any known (or verified) contact with any of her family, known friends or associates.
Her case was not made public by NSW Police until four months later, in July 2009 (Source: Sydney Morning Herald). Police did express concerns for her safety and welfare; and did not rule out foul play - however, they did suspect she had run away with some leads indicating as such.
It has been reported, there were alleged multiple sightings of Rista around the Campbelltown/Macarthur region of South-Western Sydney, following her last confirmed sighting. All of these sightings are classified as "unconfirmed" (or "not verified") by the NSW Police.
The first of these alleged sightings - she was allegedly seen by a friend at Campbelltown Railway Station, a month after her reported disappearance (Source: Liverpool City Champion). A more recent article in the Daily Mail (Link: via MSN) has implied (although not explicitly stated) that this friend may have even spoken directly to Rista during this sighting; and may also have been the origin of the reported lead of Rista allegedly being headed interstate for Melbourne. However, it has been implied (again not explicitly stated) in this article by the Daily Mail, but also by the Daily Telegraph (link to article here - note, blocked by paywall), that NSW Police have since dismissed this lead as "false" or "not credible".
The second of these sightings, was by a fellow student from Ashcroft High School (Rista's school) - which allegedly took place two months after her reported disappearance at a shopping centre within Campbelltown. This is according to an article published by The Sunday Telegraph in August 2010 for Missing Persons Week - which is available on Pressreader here (note - blocked by paywall). However, for interest of readers - here's an extract of this article, which also documents NSW Police's public stance on Rista's case at the time:
Rista was 15 when she was last seen at Apex Park in Liverpool on the morning of March 24 last year. She was reported missing to police by her worried Ashcroft High School teacher after she failed to attend classes.'' Friends and colleagues at her old job at McDonald's say they haven't seen her,'' Detective Senior Constable Mark Kneipp said. ''She didn't show up at school again or go home to her parents, and they are devastated by her disappearance.'' But he said police had reason to believe Rista, now 17, is still alive. ''She was sighted by a school peer two months after her disappearance, at nearby Campbelltown shopping centre and, for whatever reason, she ducked and ran off,'' he said. ''We believe she is alive and we want her to contact us to let us know she is safe and well.''
It should be noted, there is no "Campbelltown Shopping Centre" in Campbelltown - however there is Campbelltown Mall and Macarthur Square Shopping Centre within the area. The Police could be referring to the former, however it might be the latter.
Aside from these two alleged sightings, it was reported that there were other sightings of Rista, at the aforementioned Macarthur Square Shopping Centre (Source: The Middle-East Times International Australia) – although there’s no further specific details regarding these sightings.
However, the viewpoint of the investigation had changed by February 2012 - NSW Police had been unable to find any trace Rista (presumably through other identity checks – known as “Proof of Life Checks” - via various Government databases) up to that point. Her case was then referred to the NSW Coroners Court for a Coronial Inquest, scheduled for April 2012 (Source: Although it appears not to have been publicly reported until September 2019 (when her case was reopened), her Inquest did proceed, presided by then Deputy Coroner Paul McMahon. Although the full Findings from her Inquest has not been made public, Mr McMahon made the following finding:
Rista Chanthavixay died on or about March 24, 2009. As to the place of her death and the manner and cause thereof, the evidence does not enable me to make a finding,”
Mr McMahon referred Rista's case to the Unsolved Homicide Squad of the NSW Police.
Rista's case, despite some sporadic appeals in local media within South-Western Sydney; and on social media; would remain cold until September 2019 - when NSW Police announced the Unsolved Homicide Squad were reopening Rista's case; forming a Strike Force to specifically undertake a full reinvestigation of her case (Sources: Daily Mail via MSN; Daily Telegraph - note, blocked by paywall).
The reopening of Rista's case, is part of a drive by the NSW Police to review and reopen all outstanding unsolved Missing Persons and Homicide cases. It was reported the Police would be reinterviewing people - including her boyfriend (who according to reports, was declared not to be a suspect in the original investigation; and also reported as "co-operative" in their investigations); her family; and her friends.
As of this point, there have been no further updates or reports on Rista's case. We can only presume; and hope; that the investigation is still ongoing. Although I do have the impression that the NSW Police Unsolved Homicide Squad has been quite busy - they have had a number of developments in other cases (many of them promising), which has been reported in the media within these last few months.
Talking Points – Conflicting Information and Anecdotal Accounts
Before exploring other potential points in Rista's case, I will cover the points of conflicting information reported about Rista over the years.
Firstly regarding her surname - it has been widely misspelt as "Chathavixay" in articles over the years; and this misspelling still appears in articles from time to time. The correct spelling of her surname is definitely Chanthavixay. My suspicions are, the original misspelling was a mistake on the original Press Releases by the NSW Police, when her case was made public back in July 2009.
Secondly is her location of her last confirmed sighting. Variously it has been documented as being at Mount Pritchard, at Wyoming on the New South Wales Central Coast (which is still listed on her profile, on the Australian Federal Police's National Missing Person's Co-ordination Centre website - here; this information is most likely incorrect); and Liverpool. Even on the point of Liverpool, there are conflicting reports that she was last seen either at Liverpool Westfield Shopping Centre, or at Apex Park - which should be noted, both localities are one block away from each other. I will get to the point of anecdotal information on her last confirmed sighting
Thirdly is who reported her missing and when. There are various conflicting reports - some claiming her boyfriend (and his family); her family; or her school (or one of her teachers) reported her missing - and some reports suggesting she was reported missing variously from a few days, through to a few months, after she disappeared. I will also discuss anecdotal information on this point.
Now onto the anecdotal accounts - I have seen during my research of her case, on social media platforms, comments from people on Rista's case - some of those from people identifying to have known her. I'll need to tread carefully here - I must emphasise these statements can't be considered as "fact" and are as such, unsubstantiated. But they are a perspective, which might open up theories and ideas about her case. I won't be linking any of these (to protect peoples' privacy and also as per this subreddit’s rules), but I will document below points of information I've seen.
Her last confirmed sighting:
I've seen two sources claim that her last sighting (by her boyfriend) did take place at Liverpool. One of those sources goes further by refuting that the last sighting was at Mount Pritchard; and specifically states it took place "near Westfields Liverpool". The other source makes an interesting statement, that Rista and her boyfriend had an argument over money; and that Rista told her boyfriend she wanted to be left alone, which he did.
Being reported missing:
I've seen one source claim she was reported missing to Police rather promptly, although not specifying who made that report. This source also alleges the Police took their time in actioning their investigation and search of Rista.
Another source does state that it was her boyfriend who contacted Police over her disappearance; this same source also indicates it was not the first time Rista was reported as missing to Police - which I'll cover within the next point.
Her relationship with family; and leaving home:
This source covers information specific to her family. Firstly, this source posted information which suggests Rista is actually of predominately Lao and partially Thai background; contradicting reports of her being of Lao and Cambodian background.
This source also goes into the events leading to Rista running away from home. Firstly, they claim that Rista had been frequently sneaking out of the house at night, apparently unknown to her own family for quite some time. Her parents, according to this account, were highly protective of their children (and from what I can work out: Rista being the eldest of four children in her family).
Regarding her relationship with her father - this source claims the two, for the most part, had actually been quite close. However, this source alleges Rista may have made certain statements to others about her father (without going into specifics, it was negative in nature), which may have been untrue. I’ve also seen other separate sources suggest that Rista may have told others that her parents disapproved of her boyfriend and was on bad terms with them, as a result.
Regarding her leaving home - the source claims that Rista ran away from home, completely unannounced and to the surprise of her family, on the night of her high school formal. Simply, she went to the formal with her boyfriend; and never returned home. Her family then reported her as missing to Police - with the Police eventually finding Rista at her boyfriend's place. It turned out she had moved in with him and his family, however as Police deemed her to be in a "safe environment", they did not force Rista to return home. This situation caused great distress to her family – especially as they did want her to return home; and apparently pleaded with the Police to further intervene, but to no avail. This event would have taken place in November 2008.
Potential sightings and events surrounding her disappearance:
Aside from the reported unconfirmed sightings in the Campbelltown area, as previously mentioned – I have seen people on social media make other comments regarding other potential sightings.
I’ve seen one member of the public, in a response to an appeal on social media, state they may have taken a photo at Noorumba Reserve at Rosemeadow (which is in the Campbelltown/Macarthur region) around September 2009, which apparently appears to contain a girl with very similar features to Rista. However, this claim does appear to be unsubstantiated.
I have also seen other members of the public, also in response to another appeal on social media, claiming to being certain they’ve seen and recognise her – one potentially in Mount Druitt (in Sydney’s Western Suburbs) and another potentially in Hornsby (in Sydney’s Upper North Shore).
Regarding the events surrounding her disappearance, I’ve seen one particular comment posted within the last few months on social media. One person has posted a quite disturbing allegation about her disappearance, suggesting that Rista was offered; and subsequently accepted; a lift to work by an individual who she supposedly knew very well. On this point – there has been no mention in any published reports, nor any public statement from NSW Police, at all regarding such line of information.
My Opinion and Theories
In my previous post on Rista, I expressed my opinion and belief that she is alive – with my theory that she deliberately disappeared to start a new life interstate, possibly even using her true identity. Even now, I still hold that belief about her.
I do acknowledge though, that I could be wrong in my theory; and also acknowledge that many have the opinion that Rista did meet foul play and was murdered. I must admit, I can see how they have formed that perspective; especially based on what’s been reported and published about her.
I think the biggest challenge with Rista’s case is both the limited publicity and limited information in the public domain. I personally don’t believe her disappearance is as ‘cut and dry’ as it perhaps appears to be.
I am going to expand upon my opinion and theories on Rista – which is somewhat challenging for me, especially on some points which I’ll be delving into.
I believe Rista made a deliberate and conscious decision to disappear and ultimately leave behind both South-Western Sydney; and the vast majority of the people in her life up to that point. I think Rista was motivated by a myriad of reasons behind this.
I actually think Rista’s feelings and perceptions of her situation was quite complex; and perhaps too expansive to detail. However, I’ll attempt to summarise these factors, in two parts.
First part is Rista’s decision to leave home and to move in with her boyfriend. I do think Rista put some planning into this. Not wanting to cast aspersions on Rista – but I suspect she may have convinced her boyfriend and his family to let her move in, by possibly embellishing her family situation to them and leveraging their pity. I suspect the factors that led to this initial decision were:
On the last point, I do have the genuine impression, aside from their protectiveness, that both of Rista’s parents are good and caring people, who dearly love their children. Regarding their views on her boyfriend – I suspect they did have concerns about her seeing him, although I don’t believe they outright disapproved of the relationship, nor sought to sabotage it.
On the point of her father, I’m inclined to believe he and Rista had been close; and she had adored him. I personally don’t think her father is, or was, in any way abusive. However, I do suspect the two did have a verbal row – most probably a stereotypical teenage situation that got overblown. Perhaps both said some things heatedly to each other, that neither really meant. However, I think Rista took this to heart, thus creating a rift.
The second part is Rista’s disappearance altogether from Liverpool. Again, I think Rista put some planning and co-ordination into this. I suspect she arranged for somewhere to go within Campbelltown short-term, whilst still planning her longer term move interstate. I suspect the following factors played into her deciding to disappear:
Another potential factor I will address separately to the above points, is the allegation of her being offered a lift. I do acknowledge this plays into the theories of foul play – however, I’m actually not dismissive that there could be an element of truth to it.
Touching upon a rather dark subject – but the situation of sexual assault and abuse, or even the fear of it, can be a factor in young people running away. I do have concern that potentially, someone known to Rista was attempting to groom her – especially if they knew her situation at the time. My feeling is, this person is not a relative, nor her boyfriend or his relatives; but certainly an older male. If this is true, I do hope Rista (being as bright as I assume) did recognise this behaviour and managed to avoid this situation.
Onto her last confirmed sighting, I believe the anecdotal claims it was at Liverpool. I suspect it was routine for Rista and her boyfriend to visit Westfield Liverpool Shopping Centre after school. However, I also suspect Rista used this to stage her disappearance. I do think the argument did take place at Apex Park, one block away from Westfields – and was deliberately initiated by Rista, to enable her to break up with her boyfriend.
I will concede there have been aspersions about her boyfriend, with regards to her disappearance and his account of it. News articles on her case do not indicate any corroborating eyewitness accounts to support his account (although that’s not to say other people/witnesses were present); and comments by NSW Police about him (such as that “…he [had] been helpful…”) frankly doesn’t cast him in a good light. However, my belief is he was not involved in her disappearance; and was perhaps distraught over this himself.
I also think her boyfriend’s family was fairly stable; and his parents also good people, with concerns for Rista too – even if their dynamic was different to her own family. I am inclined to believe his family were the first to report Rista missing, most likely by the following evening – after not showing up at school that day; and perhaps trying to find her via her other contacts, to no avail.
Returning to her disappearance, I suspect (out of sight of her now ex-boyfriend) that she did head to Liverpool Railway Station and travelled via train to Campbelltown that afternoon; and had arranged to stay with someone she knew and trusted. I cannot picture Rista living rough, if she could avoid it.
I think it’s the case that Rista did have a small number of friends outside of her main social circle in Liverpool. I suspect Rista did frequent other parts of Sydney, pursuing her noted interest in shopping, for one – but possible also she attended youth events (e.g. all ages gigs), where she may have met other people of her age. Potentially it might be someone from that circumstance. Again, as I theorised with her moving in with her boyfriend, she may have used her home situation narrative to convince this person and their family, to take her in.
I’m inclined to believe the two unconfirmed sightings within Campbelltown – at Campbelltown Railway Station by her friend; and at a shopping centre by her classmate. On the latter, my personal leaning it was at Macarthur Square Shopping Centre. I think the other possible sightings at Macarthur Square are plausible too.
I also suspect, as per my original post last year, Rista deliberately went off the grid during this period, to avoid being found by the Police or her family. I would not rule out Rista having some awareness of Police procedure on Missing Persons. Aside from methods of tracing (via her bank account or mobile phone); and assuming this policy was in place in 2009 (Source: NSW Police), Rista being under 18 and possibly not considered ‘in danger’, Police might disclose her location to her parents, if she had been found.
I also don’t rule out Rista having a cash-in-hand income during this period, despite NSW Police stating she had no source of income. An issue that’s gained attention in Australia in recent times is wage theft – where businesses, including some major retailers, have paid employees; particularly casual staff; below award wage. Some businesses have also been accused of avoiding payroll tax and superannuation, by paying casual employees cash-in-hand; and off the books. It's plausible Rista might have worked under this situation, for an unscrupulous employer – possibly even a retailer in a major location like Macarthur Square; and it could have been undetectable.
Whilst not impossible, it would be difficult to remain off the grid forever. I can see it being plausible that she remained off the grid, until she reached the age of 18 – when she could legally gain some rights to privacy. As per my original post, I can see her also slipping through bureaucratic gaps – especially if she moved interstate, which I’m inclined to believe she did. Also, I think it’s plausible she is living under her true identity – I don’t dismiss she took; and has kept; her identity documents, particularly her Birth Certificate; and, if she already had one, her Passport, when she left home. However, I do feel she has maintained a low profile; and her privacy; by not having an overt social media presence, for example.
I’m inclined to believe the theory of her moving to Melbourne. I think it’s plausible she did tell her friend, during the alleged sighting/encounter at Campbelltown Railway Station – although it’s possible it was a deflection technique. A potential alternative for her would be Brisbane, however Melbourne I think would have been more suitable for her – as like Sydney (despite the two cities’ traditional rivalry), it is very multicultural and cosmopolitan.
I can also see she may have made arrangements again with someone she knew and trusted who lived in Melbourne (perhaps a friend who previously lived in Sydney) to live with them – if not, perhaps in an informal boarding house arrangement, as under 18’s can’t legally enter a rental agreement. For a teenage girl, this is fraught with danger. Hopefully she didn’t make arrangements with someone she met online – as per the “MySpace murder case” of fellow Australian girl Carly Ryan in 2007 (Source: Wikipedia), for example.
I can picture Rista otherwise living a normal life – although perhaps her past actions do weigh on her. She might be reluctant to come forward, feeling she hurt her family badly and made things irreconcilable. However, I have no doubt her family want her back and with open arms.
But irrespective of whether Rista did run away at her own discretion, or was taken against her own will, I do feel NSW Police made mistakes in their initial handling of her case.
I’m inclined to believe the allegation that Police were slow in actioning her case, following her being reported missing in March 2009. My suspicions are, given she was apparently reported missing previously in about November 2008, that Police made an incorrect assumption she had become a serial runaway; and would turn up again within a short period. Firstly, I don’t believe Rista fitted the stereotypical profile of a serial runaway. Secondly, even if she was smart and did run away, she was still in a very vulnerable position – and needed support.
A third point, is NSW Police taking four months to make her case public. According to NSW Police (Source), the next of kin of the Missing Person may need to sign an “Authority for Publicity”. Although Rista was living out of home, her parents still appear to be ‘next of kin’. Although her family appear to be private - judging by both their concern; and their willingness to be part of the 2010 Missing Persons Week campaign, I don’t believe they would have hesitated in granting permission to publicise her case in the media.
Although NSW Police have gotten much better now at putting out public appeals for Missing People in the media; and social media - they should have issued a public appeal immediately in March 2009, when Rista went missing. I have a personal belief if they had done so, Rista would have been located soon after. I find it incomprehendible, how there was seemingly little priority from Police, to find a missing 15 year old girl.
Hopefully this time, we will have answers on Rista’s case at some point. Despite no public update, it’s plausible her Strike Force at NSW Police Unsolved Homicide have uncovered new info – possibly even now having an idea of where Rista is. I don’t dismiss that the COVID-19 restrictions have affected the progress of the investigation, even that aspect of closing it out. NSW Police have had success in the past 12 months (particularly their Missing Persons Registry division), having actually managed to locate quite a few living Long Term Missing People.
But whatever it may be, I hope that Rista’s family finally get some answers and closure – and I still hold hope for them that they’ll be reunited with her.
submitted by Str8Outta2750 to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]

2020.09.01 09:05 marekvse A religion-less society actually exists right now!

Hello Jodan,

I'm sending this letter to you, Sam Harris and Douglas Murray, and hoping that it will reach at least one of you directly as I believe it could move all of your individual viewpoints as well as your future conversations forward. I'm sending it in the interest of possibly alerting you to at least one country, the one I grew up in, which seem to have completely evaded your research efforts and leaving you all, it would seem, agree on one, to me a very curious and strange point, that a successful and happy society without a (major) role of religion in it does not exist or have ever been tried. Sam is sure it would work, you say it did not work in Stalin's Russia case (you also add Hitler, who clearly was not an atheist and his most brutal forces had "God is with us" written right on their belt buckles which pretty much destroys the non-religious assertion), but none of you seem to be aware that it worked and is still currently working already very well.

I respect all of you greatly. I identify most with Sam's points of view at matters - perhaps unsurprisingly given the country I grew up in and the personality I am - and least with you Jordan, but that's only because of the religious part of views he seems to insist on deeply. I admire Jordan for your abilities to reason and, most of the time, reason so for clearly logical things. I admire the other two for the same reason without the need for that exception.

I've watched a great many videos featuring you 3 plus of course other very intelligent people like Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, and others in the past few years. The one thing that always keeps surprising me is the point where the discussion gets to the point of arguing about "how viable would a theoretical society" built basically purely on reason and no religion look like and what state it would end up in. Not even Christopher Hitchens seemed to ever have any other answers than a very good, but yet still purely theoretical arguments regarding such a society. From all of those occasions in those conversations, I am basically forced to believe that you all guys, however much-traveled and intelligent, have completely missed at least this one real-life, well-working example, which is my country - The Czech Republic. I think that if you haven't and if you then talked to a few people who grew up there at least at the time when I did - born 1973 - you would find not theoretical, but very real examples of a great many people who not only grew up completely without any religion or any stories coming from it and yet, still grew up very nice, intelligent and maybe surprisingly to you all VERY HAPPY people.

I'm not sure how many people exactly like me you would find because I really set up my life to be very happy, not even knowing how exactly stress would feel - I just maybe get hints of what it may feel like when I'm cold, which is why I have relocated to Queensland, Australia a long time ago - but you would definitely find heaps and heaps of people who are undergoing the same stresses in life as in any other western-type society with handling family, work and the other aspects of life, yet without any regard whatsoever to notions of any religion or any need to any type of any kind of comforting mythical stories.

That, of course, is not to say that many of us do not enjoy fiction books or entertaining stories in the form of books, tales, or other arts. We can enjoy it all the same with the full knowledge that those are fiction.

All the above is the result of the socialist/communist system we grew up in which not necessarily stifled but certainly did not promote any religion. It is the one thing I am grateful for to that system I grew up in, apart from a very happy childhood since nobody's parents had existential struggles. I do believe that there were efforts to eradicate the religion, many of which may probably be identified as forceful, but we've always kept our history including its buildings like castles and churches as opposed to destroying them, which would be an extreme way to get rid of something. Even clergy was tolerated and some very tiny minority of mostly the old-times people were attending services even at those times.

The actual real fact of life was, however, that we never were taught about religion apart from being a part of history, including ours. And we would still go on school trips some of which may include admiring a great cathedral purely for its architecture and art.

Strangely, even the name of the "person" who brings the presents at Chrismas (which in the Czech language is called "vanoce", which has nothing to do with Christianity - at least not obviously - I did not study its etymological roots) is "Jezisek", which, funnily and very interestingly enough I personally only realized when I was about 14 years old, means "a little Jezis = Jesus - "little" here meaning a kid, a baby). So the presents were being brought by a baby Jesus and yet, for almost all of us it was just a name, same as the west had Santa Claus or any other name you could use for a fictional character. It had NO religious meaning whatsoever to us, nor any story was attached to it at all. It was (and is for us) simply a holiday with the ritual of decorating a tree and having a very nice, extraordinary family dinner before (mostly the kids) would enjoy the present unwrapping under the tree. (Yes, our Christmas all happen on 24th Dec). We had no idea that it was originally a celebration of the winter solstice or that it was then stolen as a Christian holiday. We enjoyed it and frankly still enjoy it for the same family reasons, all the same. Actually now knowing that it has been for the past many hundreds of years appropriated by a religious cult if anything taints the experience. It probably would not if that cult was a thing simply belonging and part of the history of "less educated" times of us humans. The fact that this magical thinking still sways great sections of global citizens' everyday lives is what taints Christmas for some us Czechs. It surely does for me. I feel more at ease with it knowing that actually it is the winter solstice celebration. I would surely be more fine with it if it was just a date that someone decided to arbitrarily put on a calendar rather than thinking of it in terms of a cult that brutally killed and tortured so many innocent people in history and still thinks that magical thinking is just a fine idea.

Similar to Christmas, we in the Czech Republic also celebrate Easter (another holiday appropriated for itself by Christianity as I learned much later in my life). We also enjoy it purely for the tradition or maybe just for the fact that it is a day off work :). In Czech, a part of the tradition regarding Easter is that man create a nice looking weaved supple "sticks" from the branches of a willow tree, and in the morning we go around as many girls/women we know as possible to "hit" their behinds with it so that they stay young and supple too. I'm sure that in today's "politically correct" society many would find something very wrong with it, but the simple fact was that it ended up being a very nice and very social day for everyone. (By the way, I never knew that anybody would consider women as any lesser than men. I grew up in a society where had no reason to even suspect such a thing.) In the afternoon the girls and women had the right on the other hand to pour buckets of water over the men's' heads, even though that part was never really practiced. (At least in our parts of the Czech Republic. There are more traditional areas.) I suppose that is because it is not as convenient to run around with buckets of water around than it would be with sticks. Also, we - boys and men - would get a colorful ribbon bound to the ends of the sticks by each female we've visited and "paid off" - we don't really call it hitting or beating. It would leave the omitted girls and women feel neglected rather than happy not to get hit. I'm sure that the absolute majority of us were always as gentle as myself and my friends in performing that "stick-and-behind" ritual. I actually never wanted or was planning to do this whole thing, but I had a friend who always came on the morning of Easter Monday to my home with a couple of those "sticks" - one for himself, one for me, and basically had to talk me into joining him every single year. And it always ended up being one of the best days of the year, finishing in a mixed group having a great time (including a bit of drinking in our later teenage years). It was very nice and social and NOTHING to do with any religion or anything other than "this tradition actually turns out to be fun" and we did not need some deep explanation for it that I'm sure Jordan would try to dig out at this point. It was the same fun we can end up with when we come up with brand new social events, out of which, when they turn out fun, we often try to make a tradition of too. All that being completely atheist and secular. I really don't understand what seems to be so hard to comprehend even to Sam - not that he could not seem to be able to imagine it - clearly, he very much is - but that it actually has already been tried and is still going on successfully. Admittedly though, traditions like the Easter ones in Czech are fading as the capitalist style of life requiring most of us to work more and more puts a strain on that too, together with an overload of other modern culture distractions obviously.

In any case, my point is that what Sam is saying, what Christopher used to say and others too, is NOT a theoretically working "utopia", it IS a reality for millions in just my own country of origin and we suffer no ill effects from it!

On the contrary, despite being a tiny nation of 10 million people we have (even though thanks to globalization, corruption, and not in small part thanks to the totalitarianism of the European Union) we are loosing great industry and very clever people. We used to be (before EU) totally self-sufficient in basically everything, were exporting fighter jets, cars, atomic reactors, locomotives, food, and much more to the rest of the world, gave the world some amazing people and inventions like contact lenses, nanofibres, the lighting rod, or even small things like sugar cubes, pencils or Koh-i-Noor snaps for our jeans :) and we needed no religion or the related stories to do that. And that is the one thing I'm happy the "communist" regime gave us - true freedom from religion, freedom from bullshit stories if you pardon me. It lets us concentrate on interesting and important stuff in life instead of trying to solve mute problems like why are we here. We are, so enjoy it. I must say that without the religious ideas surrounding us that most of us don't even think about it as something to worry about. We worry about "we are here now, what can we do to live well" and some of us also "what can we do to leave my imprint on humanity". The more curious of us sure ask "how" did we get here and maybe do think about how in the great scheme of things we are totally insignificant, but I don't think it makes us unhappy. I know it does not make me unhappy for sure. I enjoy learning new things, discovering, making logical conclusions, and, apart from other things, being truthful to myself and others, which is probably why I'm also so happy in my life and have always been, which all of you I'm sure will very easily understand.

All of you guys seem to imply or straight away say that "sure, there is not a person who would not have major problems in life, who would not have "demons"" etc. Well, sure, I've encountered problems in my life. I'm solving software problems every day (I'm a software engineer) I've traveled around the world on a motorbike so I've encountered life-threatening situations, I've lost family members (fortunately for me just the ones who naturally died of old age, no tragedies so far, so yes, I've been lucky in that respect). But problems are here, to my eye, to be solved. They are a challenge, not a tragedy. They make life interesting. And demons? No, I do not have any. Things I regret? Maybe, a tiny little ones like not asking that beautiful girl on a bus for a coffee. But I've never done anything I would be ashamed of. That does not mean that I never failed of course. But I freely admit and not try to hide my failings so I have no demons. Am I really the only person in the world you think? I may be rare, but I'm sure I'm not alone.

Regardless, many, or basically I'd say almost all of my friends, much as they may have more normal everyday problems and stresses than I have (and it is not at all related to money - I'm not wealthy at all - we even still rent the place where we live), would tell you the same thing regarding the role of religion or religious stories in their lives and their decisions - NONE whatsoever.

The Czech Republic is very rich in culture too. Our country has one of the biggest concentrations of castles for example. I do not think that religion was necessary for those structures to be built for powerful people in our history. Yes, many, many churches too. Beautiful buildings. Some of them truly amazing, as some of the castles, too. And our secular society still builds and creates amazing things with no religion required for it. Just yesterday I was sent a link to a video about the biggest chandelier and at the same time, the biggest jewel ever built anywhere. (Link here if you are interested: .) It could very well hang in a cathedral of some type. But it was built by a Czech company for a Saipan casino. Only human talent, work, and lots of money was needed to build this wonder. No religion whatsoever. So I'm pretty sure, Jordan, that you can stop worrying about losing culture if there was no religion. Sure, cassino may not be considered culture by many, but it is simply a fact of today's world that casinos are one of the areas where the money is. If you want to start to argue that we need religion as a way of extracting money from the population to build such marvels, as was historically exactly one of its functions and is one of the reasons those grand structures like great cathedrals exist, then fine. I would, like Sam, argue that it is possible to do without the pretense of magic, but at least that would be a simple point to defend. Not the only way though!! An example - and I'm sure there are also many modern ones too.. The National Theatre in Prague... It is a grandiose building with high ceilings covered with similar gold ornamentry and paintings to any cathedral you may find. It also has a huge painted curtain - a great painting of its own right. This all was built from money collected from donations of the citizens expressly towards building a national theatre, which was opened in 1881. The first idea came in 1844 at a congregation of Czech patriots. As far as I can tell no religion was involved. Certainly, none needed. And that great building is also a part of our and the world's registered cultural heritage sites.

So to summarize, the reason for this letter was to let all of you three guys know that you can stop only theorizing about a society without religion. Look at the Czech Republic especially before the Velvet Revolution (after which slowly more and more religion starts very slowly creeping in again), but where still today three-quarters of the population are completely irreligious. We are one of the safest, most educated, and happiest countries in the world. And if you look over the state ideology at any one time, where communism was making some people unhappy with restrictions on travel for example, and capitalism in its demands on sacrificing more of one's private / family time for work time, we are generally really happy people, nice to each other (without having to be threatened by hell or whatever other stupid magic idea), helping each other. And it is probably partly thanks to the LACK of any religion that we are that way. There is one less thing to partition us into opposing groups which argue about something they actually cannot even know.

Actually, that makes me think about my friends and people I know. I know and have experienced that my friends or even friends of my parents, for example, would (and in the past have) helped me when I really needed help, despite it being a great inconvenience for them. Yet, I was in similar situations when I only had a religious person to help me and they would not. It would seem to me that religious people like to listen to the stories that Jordan insists are shaping majorly their principles and behavior, rather than actually behave according to them. And then some feel great to tell you how good they are thanks to Jesus.

Ok, I think that concrete examples would be good here:
I know, that every time I go back to the Czech Republic for the summer I have offers from my friends to take me to the airport - both in Czech and in Australia (still from Czech friends interestingly enough). In both cases, it is over 100km and I do not want to inconvenience them if it is not necessary so I thank them and decline. But I know that even if I called them at three in the morning that I needed an urgent lift to the airport they would just tell me how long it would take them to pick me up.
Contrast that with this:
I've known a great person for 7 years and actually shared a house with her for 5 of those years. I consider her a very nice person and considered her a very good friend. I still visit her once a year or so when I have a chance, but thinking back on the story I'm about to tell you certainly makes me feel less worm towards her than I always thought she otherwise deserved.

So the story: I found a new life partner while again staying for the whole European summer in the Czech Republic. For reasons irrelevant to this story she could not join me permanently in Australia for the first few years of being together, so we were overcoming that problem by her periodically visiting me in Australia for 3 months, then we would not see each other for another 3, then I would go to Czech for 3 and a bit, again 3 months apart and then the cycle would repeat.

At the end of one of her stays in Australia with me, while I was still sharing the house with my friend, Jean, my partner was flying home the next day and I, shortly before that, decided I would actually fly back with her. I could not get a seat on the same flight so my flight was at 8 AM and hers the same day at 1 PM. My partner is a bit lost when traveling and she did not speak English at that time yet either, so we decided to travel the 150km to Brisbane in the evening before and arranged to stay with a friend there overnight. We were supposed to catch the second one of the only two trains that goes from that place to Brisbane daily. It was leaving around 9 PM. The nearest train station is about 8km from the place I lived in with Jean, who agreed or maybe even offered to take us to that train station, I can't remember that bit for sure. What is for sure is that once we got there it become clear that the train was not coming as the train tracks were not there and the workers currently working there under the floodlights confirmed that the trains were not operating on that track for the past 14 days and will not be going for another 14 more. I was amazed and surprised, especially after we got back home and I confirmed on the computer that the online time schedule directly on the Queensland Rail website still insists that there are no exceptions or delays and that that train is scheduled as per normal.

There was no other public transport for us to use from that place. So after another couple of hours of trying to figure out any other possibility of getting us there on time, I finally asked Jean if she would be so kind and took us to the airport (we did not want to bother the friend in Brisbane to sleep over anymore because we would arrive too late for that we felt) so that we could make our flights. Jean told us that "she would but that she promised her sister to accompany her to a church service the next morning and that if she took us she would be too sleepy for that the next day"..................

I probably don't have to say that I was a bit disappointed that someone I considered a friend and a good person would refuse to help us in a situation in which I would have no other safe viable option. I never analyzed it further beyond the disappointment. However, a couple of years later I was telling this story to a friend and he, I think very spot on, pointed out that "So she would rather go to church to listen to the preacher to tell her that she should be helping people rather than take the opportunity to actually help someone in a real need.". How is that for "Christian" values? I know my non-religious friends would not hesitate to help me in that situation as I'll give you an example of in a couple of lines.

Just to finish the story, Jean was "nice enough" to suggest that we can try hitchhiking on the highway (at 1 AM no less!!) and "kindly" offered to take us there. We had no other choice so we accepted. To start with, there were literally 2 cars in 40 minutes we stood there. Fortunately, the second car actually stopped for us, and also fortunately we survived that. I say the second "fortunately" since it was a German traveler who told us that he stopped because he needed someone to keep him awake since he has been driving at that point non-stop for 16 hours from Cairns. Needless to say that traveling in a car 20km over the highway speed limit with someone who is grossly falling to sleep is quite scary... The story still developed into having quite a few very interesting twists, but those are not relevant to this anymore.

So now a concrete matching example:
When I was 15 I was to travel by bus 150 km to my brand new high school. I was obviously gonna have to be staying at a boarding school there so I wanted to take an earlier Sunday bus to have a chance to choose my new bed. But after waiting over an hour over the scheduled time for the bus I concluded that it was not coming and I was going to have to take the late afternoon one. After returning to the bus station and waiting for that one for almost an hour again I finally figured out that it was actually a brand new holiday celebrating the two (religious - interestingly enough :)) men who managed to enforce the recognition of our language as a language recognized by the religion, based and thanks to which our writing was established. (Religion would not allow our writing if it did not recognize the language as being worthy.) It was never celebrated before as it was shortly after the Velvet Revolution so I had no idea. Anyway, the result was that there was no other bus that day and that not only I would arrive dead last to the boarding school, but I would also miss probably the important first half of the first day at the actual new school as a freshman since my dad was away somewhere at that time with our only car.

That evening, at about 10 PM, a neighbor and my parent's friend came to pick something up from my mum. He was surprised to see me still at home and so he asked how come? When we told him he said that we should have told him earlier because he would have taken me there. He also told us that he was supposed to be at work the next day at 5 or 6 AM so it was too late to drive me there now. I remember thinking that it is easy to say now if he can't prove he would have done it anyway. Three minutes later I hear him saying: "You know what, let's go, I'll take you there." It was a 3-hour drive one way!!! The Czech Republic is quite dense with towns and villages and there were at that time many quite large detours on the way, too. So this man would get home about an hour or two before having to go to work!

How big of a difference this is to a church on Sunday where you go by your own volition, you are not required to go and being able to take the highway instead of in that case basically the whole way, so that trip would have cost Jean 3 hours max!

So the person who is NOT compulsed to help me for fear of any hell or any other even slightly unpleasant result helps me for purely the good feeling that one gets from helping others by his own choice despite majorly inconveniencing himself is the one that actually helps me and the one that thinks of themselves as the chosen and the most kind people chooses to go listening about how kind they are rather than actually be. Does not that give you a pause? :)

Another example. I was renting a room in a home of another of my friends and I happened to accidentally either drop the clear plastic fridge bucket for fruits and veggies or drop something on it (I cannot remember), resulting in its cracking. The, for me absolutely obvious thing to do, despite that it was "just a crack" and the bucket was still capable of fulfilling its function (and in fact until this day I still use it in my garage to store stuff in), I went ahead and spent almost a whole day trying to find where I could buy the correct replacement and spent something like 60 bucks on it at a time I did not have much money at all. Just because it was a normal logical thing for me to do for the pure "golden rule" reason. And Jordan would maybe say "ha, see, Christian values". And I, same as Sam or Christopher or probably Douglas too, would say that that rule is very logical, self-evident, and much older than the Christianity that appropriates that too for itself. It is just logical. I did not ever need any kind of story behind it and definitely not one where I would be punished other than that others may start doing the same to me seeing me do that to others. And since I want others to be nice to me, I, quite logically and without complicated explanations that some try to fit to some ancient stories they happen to believe in, will behave nicely to them.

And now again, contrast this to a very similar situation the other way around, this time, however, the other person is a church-going Christian.

I now live in a nice big house, which we rent as I mentioned. For the past 10 years, it has been our home and we can only afford it because we are sub-letting one of its rooms directly connected to the main bathroom. And we do this because we fell in love with the house and felt immediately at home as soon as we inspected it. And we originally inspected it purely just as a point of comparison with other houses we went to see afterward because it was available for inspection first that day. Later, comparing it to the other houses, I realized we could make it affordable (same price as the others) by renting out just those two of the 4 rooms that were on the top of what we actually needed. So we did and it has been 10 years since.

We look for people who want to stay longer-terms. Last year, a guy from the Christian part of Nigeria was finishing his stay of over 2 years with us. He would go to church every Sunday without fail and was obviously a devout Christian. He was studying nursing and was working as well, earning quite good money too. In the home, we usually all fit in our big fridge together with our boarder. This one, however, said he needed more space so we bought an additional fridge for him. It was one of the smaller ones which still needs to be periodically defrosted. When we noticed that he is leaving the freezer to become overgrown with ice we told him that he will need to do that so that the fridge does not break. We asked him to do that several times over several months until the plastic hinge of the plastic freezer door broke by the ice pushing it out. It was obviously not even an accident. He would ignore that. So eventually I told him that now he, unfortunately, had to find a replacement freezer door for it because otherwise, the fridge will be consuming much more energy (and we are paying all the energy bills, the boarders have it included in a single unchanging rent amount, which is by the way cheapest in this area) and that it will freeze over faster and that the person after him will surely need the door, too. Nothing at all happened until he left.

I meant to force him to do that before I'd return his bond when he would eventually be leaving, but it happened just at a time when we were holidaying aborad and I forgot about the freezer door. So I remotely returned his full bond. Sometime after that, when he came to pick up some of his post that he still did not change the address for, I gave him the broken door and asked him if he could please finally get a replacement. It's been almost a year now and he tells me he did not find it. So I asked him obviously if he actually tried. He said he did. A couple of simple questions later it is clear that he actually did not even try but is happy to lie about it. So what exactly has the church taught him?? I know it has neither taught him for sure to be responsible for his own actions nor to be honest. Clearly. Qualities that I and all of my close friends who I grew up with, who have never been touched by religion of any kind, have.

I am not necessarily saying that these almost exactly one-to-one comparable examples are totally indicative of the difference of morals between Christians and completely irreligious people, but since it does fit pretty well with many others we see in history and also currently around us, I think it is time to stop theorizing about the necessity or even utility of religious values for modern people. I'm not disputing that religion does have utility for people who follow it, but it certainly is not the necessary or even important tool for people in general.

It seems to me that religion has a utility of a rock that you use to beat in a nail. Take the rock from me and you leave me with a hammer that actually makes much more sense, similarly to taking away the stories and threat of hell and replacing it with something that has been there all along - the genuinely nice feeling of helping someone even if I am otherwise not compelled by anything else than the great feeling and the very logical realization that I have a much better chance to be treated nicely if I treat everybody else nicely. And that I am much more likely to be helped by others if I unconditionally help them. And I may help someone who never helps me, but helps somebody else. And somebody I never helped may actually help me because he was also at some point helped or at least sees it as all so logical how this works.

Jordan, your well-researched arguments on many societal topics are great and helpful and make sense. But I must say that even though I heard a couple of ways you very interestingly matched biblical stories on some current situations or general human behavior, I also think that you are totally overcomplicating stuff in these cases and you are getting many, myself included, lost as to what you are in fact trying to do other than somehow trying to reconcile your Christian belief with current reality and as you just discussed during the talks with Douglas and Sam, smuggling the Jesus into it where really, it is not necessary at all, objectively.

I understand that it is important to many, you including, but it really is not necessary. We can very nicely do completely without it. As an exercise in reasoning it is, or can be, for sure interesting, especially for scholars like you. For us, normal people (or normal engineers like myself :)) it seems pretty pointless otherwise. And the case of the Czech Republic, I think, even takes a base from your case completely, even though I'm sure you could find connections.

As an engineer I can tell you I can map anything to anything if I put enough abstractions in between. But the simple truth is, that almost everybody in a real country that has been historically doing well, grew up a perfectly decent person, arguably in a bigger percentage more decent than the majority in much more religious countries. And we do not suffer. Again, I'd say we suffer less because we are not burdened by any traumas like worrying about ending up in hell.

Sure, in our folklore we have another tradition where St. Nicholas (we never used the "St" part, for us it was just "Mikulas") comes on 5. December together with one or more devils to our home and gives our children presents or coal if "they were not good". And yes, for most children the devils are scary and some parents use that to elicit the promise of being good "from now on", but I think that at least most parents (certainly mine) were not trying to persuade us these were real beings.

It was a (scary) theatre happening in almost everybody's homes. And as soon as you figure out those under the masks are just normal people you feel clever as a kid. And you feel like you've grown and maybe also that you outsmarted the adults who would not tell you straight away those are just people. When you are like 6, 7, or 8, you are looking forward to running outside with the Mikulases and devils despite sometimes still being scared by them if they play the role well. It is thrilling. But it never needed to be shoved down our throats as a reality and not even a story was needed.

We have folklore fairytales that feature devils punishing bad people, yes. But we do not need them to tell us what is right and what is wrong. We can figure that out for ourselves and the stories are just a nice entertainment, if done well. And yes, we can see the useful allegory in it. We would still, however, know quite naturally the difference between clear right and wrong, between hurting others and not hurting others. But we recognize the difference between entertainment and reality. We still enjoy stories all the same.

You do not need organizations that actually believe those, are exempt from paying taxes and are praying on those who cannot reason themselves out well enough or prevent themselves being reasoned in by these fantastical stories and the ability of the storyteller to manipulate. I'd say that the about 25% of people in the Czech Republic who identify themselves as somehow religious are exactly those types of people. Ones who severely lack logical thinking. I have an uncle and a stepdaughter both like that. Neither of them has very good reasoning ability and so they are hanging there to be hooked on by the use of fantastical and magical stories, despite the fact that they were not indoctrinated into it as children, which then makes it more understandable when even pretty intelligent people still have this illogical partition in their brain reserved for god.

OK, that's it. Quite a bit longer than I intended it to be, but I hope it will eventually reach at least one of you in person and maybe give you some more arsenal for good arguments. It is obvious that you are very busy people so I do not expect any reply at all, but it would be great to get something like: "Hey Marek, it reached me, thanks." so that I know that I haven't completely wasted almost the whole day today instead of fixing my server and getting back to my coding in which I'm so much behind.

Wish you all all the best.


Marek Vsechovsky

As I'm reading what I wrote after myself I realize that although not absolutely necessary to explain this, you may wonder if I'm not "telling you stories" since at one point I mention that I am a software engineer and in another talk about affordability of rent. Well, I really don't revolve my life around money. And since I very much enjoy my job and have large amounts of ideas, I'm trying to implement them running it as my own business. However, I am kind of a Wozniak without a Jobs, meaning that rather than marketing a finished product I immediately start working on the next one since I just can't wait to work on it, so I end up with no income to my business and so from time to time I have to accept a paid outside contract. Since my expertise is large and well valued, and since I am a very frugal person (if I compare myself to most other people who say they are too :) ) I only need to work for about 3 months to be able to live from that for the next two years developing my own ideas. That's why I'm still renting rather than owning. I do what I love, I spend as much time on it as I want and I live at a very nice place where I can take a 30-minute holiday jumping in the surf basically all-year-round, so I'm really happy.
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2020.08.30 02:26 _Danoyam_ $1000 AUD build help!

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
Extra info or particulars:
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2020.08.29 18:03 HaulA29Augl G-ay Da-ting Fir-st D-ate

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2020.08.27 08:47 Doomharker What's our normal? "I think I'm going to delete our adopted brother Larry from The Sims. Adoption seems too complicated."

This turned out far longer than expected, and has made me realise that adoption does complicate things far more than I've likely allowed myself to believe over the years. I'm unsure who the Just No party is here, and whether I'm just being completely unobjective in thinking that everyone should accept all the potential dramas of adoption as naturally as I've had to over the years.
For context, I'm an adopted 38 year old male. I had a son a month before turning 18. His mother was a volunteer high school exam supervisor who seriously overstepped, but she's not a player in this story. His mother kept him, and he was introduced into my life at the tail end of his toddling years.
Back to myself, it was noted on the 'social and medical information' sheet of my adoption papers that my biodad had not understood my biomum's decision to relinquish, but was willing to support her. Unsurprisingly, when I turned eighteen, he reached out. He and my biomum hadn't stayed together, and he married and had a daughter a few years after me, but being a serviceman, didn't have any more kids until he left the Air Force and settled down in Brisbane, Australia. I lived in outer southwestern Sydney at the time.
Because of his late settling, I have two half brothers who are fourteen years and sixteen years younger than me. My son is particularly close to the brother fourteen years younger than me (four years older than him), Nick, as while I already had a dad before my biodad entered the picture, I hadn't had any brothers, and Nick was a definite novelty. I married young and moved to a different city (Canberra) at 22, and Nick and my son would both visit regularly during school holidays. Both now live in Canberra as well (not with me or each other), with my son attending university and my brother having been accepted into the Australian public service on a cadetship.
Some context on present events. My dad is the youngest of four, so having been unable to conceive naturally in the years before IVF was a thing, my sister and I are quite a bit younger than my cousins on my dad's side (we were still always close though). My mum is the eldest of her own collection of four siblings. Because of that, my son has really only interacted with my mum's side of the family. My paternal grandparents died before my son was born, whereas both of my mother's parents are still alive in their 90s, and we still celebrate Christmas with them every year.
One of my paternal cousins recently lost her husband to cancer, and with the 2020 plague winding down in Australia, my dad's side of the family is finally organising a reunion twenty-two years after our grandfather died and twenty-five after we had our last Christmas together. My children (I have had two subsequent children with my wife) and all my cousins' children have been invited with a plus one. While my younger two children are far too young for dating, my firstborn is 20 now, and while single, is wanting to invite Nick as his plus one, as aside from my parents, he doesn't know anyone on that side of our family.
I can understand this to a degree, as we were a few years ago invited to the wedding of one of my half brothers from my biomum's side of the family. I didn't meet my biomum until I was 31, and the wedding was the first time I met 95% of that side of my biofamily. This was admittedly bad form on my biomum's part, taking away from her and husband's firstborn's special day, but she just wanted one day with all three of her boys (she had two subsequent sons) 'spruced up' and all together.
Sufficed to say it awkward as bollocks (and we all know how awkward bollocks are). My self, wife and firstborn were like an island unto ourselves (my younger kids stayed with my parents). Like with my son and his uncle Nick, I was much closer in age to my bio uncles than my half brothers, and aside from some pleasantries, we didn't really have much to say to each other. It's not at all that they're unpleasant people, but just that we're all strangers to each other, without anything more than shared genetics to build a relationship upon.
Anyway, I mentioned my son's intent to invite Nick to the reunion to my mother. She was quite taken aback, though mentioned she didn't think it a good idea, and moved on to my grandparents' latest health issues. She apparently complained to my sister later (they still live in my home town), and said that she still felt very invalidated from having had to adopt, and still felt the sting of judgement from her late mother-in-law for having to go through it all.
Rationally, I understand, but empirically, I don't feel she has a reason to feel that way, and is likely just displacing her own perspectives on motherhood onto my late grandmother (dead for a quarter century this year). My sister and I were our grandmother's clear favourites, and despite my mother's insecurities, it was clear to any objective observer that she was also my grandmother's favoured in-law. My grandmother was a pioneer in our home town, owning the local convenience store and lolly shop in the 1960s and 1970s, with her mentioned even now in nostalgic terms on my town's Facebook page. I think she would have viewed my mother's open and earnest attempts to adopt as something commendable, stepping way from 'what other people' think and going down a path usually pursued in hushed tones. From recent conversations, it seems like my mum only talked about it so much as an act of contrition, ostentatiously commenting on how she was seeking to remediate her imagined deficiency in the eyes of her mother-in-law.
My sister thinks our mum doesn't want us (or her grandkids) delegitimised in the eyes of all her grandnieces and nephews, looked upon as just 'the adopted ones' and not blood. To my aunts, uncles and cousins, we've always been their niece, nephew and cousins, so they definitely won't be an issue. I'm also, however, not expecting any of my cousins to have raised little monsters who would instantly dismiss my sister and I (and our kids) as not worthy of their attention because of genetic disparities. Again, empirically, I generally tune out during the larger-than-life family reunions with my mum's extended family, and not at all because we're not genetically related: just because there are so bloody many of them, and we have few shared interests or experiences.
My mum evidently thinks differently. I mentioned all of this to Nick and his girlfriend when he and my wife went out to lunch last week. He said my son had mentioned attending the reunion with him, but that Nick just wasn't comfortable. He said he'd already felt like the unwelcome outsider within my adoptive family, and really didn't want things to affect our relationship.
When (gently) pressed, he mentioned once that when he was visiting us as a teen, he went out to help my mum collect some takeaway (my wife was pregnant at the time, and my parents had come down in their caravan to visit for her 30th birthday). My mum was talking (as she does) while waiting for the food, and mentioned how excited she was for the birth of her first grandbaby. I thought that Nick's issue was right there, that my eldest son had been discounted, but events continued. The service worker apparently asked if I had any brother's or sisters, and my mother replied with Nick standing next to her that I had one sister.
I instinctively thought that Nick must have gotten things wrong, and that perhaps the service worker asked something more along the lines of how many other kids does my mum have, or if there were any more brothers or sisters who might give my mum grandkids. Nick said that the topic had moved on from grandkids by then, and that my mum had been talking about my recent promotion, and that the question had been specifically around the number of my siblings.
My mum is very Mrs Weasley-ish, and I was sure that if nature allowed, she and my dad would have ended up in the same position as the fictional Weasley's: with a horde of kids and no money. I couldn't imagine her slight against Nick to have been deliberate, and expected her to be mortified when told of his discomfort.
I mentioned it all the next time she brought up the reunion, not meaning to be malicious or spiteful, and genuinely believing it to have been unintentional and hoping to clear the air with Nick as quickly as possible. I'd expected a gasp and profuse apology, as well as lots of earnest hugs for Nick at the earliest opportunity. Instead, Mum went from Mrs Weasley to Professor Umbridge at a turn.
"Oh, what a drama queen! He needs to grow up! He should be grateful he has any contact with us at all!"
I had no idea what to say, and could only note that I'll let her know if my eldest ends up wanting to attend the reunion. Gushing attestations followed that her eldest grandbaby had to attend. I said he's 20, and I won't be forcing him.
After relaying this to my wife, I hear my shadow of an eldest daughter behind us in the lounge room saying, "I think I'm going to delete our adopted brother Larry from The Sims. Adoption seems too complicated."
Ironically, the only thing that annoyed me about that sentence was that she said 'Larry' with the American 'Lairy' pronunciation. The rest I couldn't argue with. She's a month off eleven. I remain completely unsure who 'Larry' is, or where he came from, but can at least accept that the knowledge of me being adopted has had an impact on my kids' thinking.
I have no idea what to do about any of it. I guess I should avoid being the hypocrite and just tell my 20 year old son of all angles and let him come to his own conclusions on what to do. I'm confident that he's practically-minded enough to not cause unnecessary drama, though am unsure of what the fallout might be, and if my mum might actually blame Nick for everything (unfairly, I'm assuming, but I may not be the most objective party here) and cause a rift between branches of my apparently complicated family if my eldest doesn't attend the reunion.
submitted by Doomharker to Adoption [link] [comments]

2020.08.26 10:04 verbsnounsandshit [FIGHT THREAD] Jeff Horn vs Tim Tzyu

DATE Wednesday 26th August 2020
LOCATION Queensland Country Bank Stadium, Townsville, Australia
TELEVISION Main Event (Australia), ESPN+ (USA)
TIME 7pm (Sydney), 2am (LA), 5am (NYC), 10am (London)

Jeff Horn vs Tim Tszyu

10 Rounds

Super Welterweight Division

Jeff Horn vs Tim Tszyu
20(13)-2-1 RECORD 15(11)-0-0
32 AGE 25
5'9" HEIGHT 5'8.5"
68" REACH 72"
153.5 lbs WEIGHT 153.25 lbs
Orthodox STANCE Orthodox
Brisbane, Australia HOMETOWN Sydney, Australia
3(1)-2-0 LAST FIVE 5(3)-0-0

Undercard Fights

  • Issac Hardman vs Jamie Weetch
  • Liam Wilson vs Jackson Woods
  • Joel Camilleri vs Adam Copland
  • Shannon O'Connell vs Kylie Fulmer
  • Ben Horn vs Patrick Clarke
  • Linn Sandstrom vs Jessica Cashman
  • Vegas Larfield vs Ricky Hunt
submitted by verbsnounsandshit to Boxing [link] [comments]

2020.08.24 22:39 Numero81 10 Years of shadow.

I am an INFP.
If you had explained that to me when I was a child, I would have agreed.If you had told me that when I was 17 I would have told you that you were wrong, but I would have been lying.If you had told me that a year ago, when I was 25 , I would have again disagreed, but this time I would have been sincere.This story is gonna be a long one, it cannot be otherwise, as it is the story of my life, and you cannot tell such a tale in a few words.I am choosing to tell this story for two reasons.First, because I feel the need to tell it, and knowing that some will hear me is somewhat comforting.Second, because my life, while not exceptional by any means, is a story I am sure some here will be able to relate to, and I hope will help some, especially the youngest of you, understand yourself better and, hopefully, help you avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

Part 1: Origin Story
When I was a child, I was undeniably an INFP, shy, dreamy, loving literature, history, passionate about paleontology. I was kind, avoiding any conflict, very curious, having much more knowledge over a wide variety of things that the children around me. But also having no idea how to interact with them.
However, I did not have the luck to be in a family suited for my kind of personality, actually I would argue that I had not a childhood that would have been good for any kind of personality.My parents divorced when I was 2, I have no memory of them together.I lived with my mother, and I was alone.My mother was not affectionate, not mean, not abusive, at least physically, but I have no memories of her hugging me, ever. And she did not approve of who I was.When I spoke about paleontology, she told me I would not become a paleontologist, because I did not have grade good enough. When I wrote something she refused to read it, or if she accepted to, the only insight she would give was what spelling or grammar mistakes I did. When I spoke about the books I loved, she told me it was not real literature, since I was reading mostly fantasy books, an inferior art in her mind. But mostly, she ignored me, we rarely spoke, and as I aged, I tried to speak to her less and less, knowing that the only response I would get would be disdain or disapproval.I grew to hate my mother.For not loving me for who I was, for trying to shape me into someone I did not wish to be.Now I do not think she meant any harm, I think in her mind, I was too weak, sensitive and dreamy, and by shaming me about these facts she hoped to touch my pride and make me react, she wanted to prepare me for the world.With a more proud and less sensitive child it may have worked, I do not think it is a healthy way to treat a child, but I guess it could have worked with some. But for me, it only achieved to make me highly insecure about myself, and convinced me that the world hated me for who I was. After all, if my own mother could not love me, why would the world do?As for my father, I barely knew him, I went to his house two days a month, but he was working a lot, even during the weekend, and so I saw him very little. He was always kind to me, but did not know how to express his emotions, so again, no hug. He, at least, did not shame me for my interests, and while I could clearly see in his eyes that he did not understand a word I was saying about paleontology or the last Harry Potter book, he faked to be interested.We were not close, I did not understand him and he did not understand me, but he tried, and I'll always respect him for it.
I think most INFP have had this sentiment of not being understood at home, maybe not in such extreme, but still.Oftentimes, salvation comes from friends, one or two unique individuals with whom we can be free to be ourself.However, that, too, was denied to me.My mother, for some reason, could not bear to stay in the same place for long, and so, every year, we would change home, and I would change school. Until my 12th birthday, I changed school every year, sometime twice a year, changing school during the year.And so, I never had any friend, children are not kind to stranger, and every year I was the new one, children are not kind to the weak, and for a child, a shy one is a weak one, especially if he's a boy.I was not only alone, but often the bullied.
And so, at home like at school, I was alone, for 12 years.At 12, I had learned to hate all.I spent all my time in my own head, dreaming of fantastical worlds, and often, also, daydreaming of this world, and how I would burn it down one day.It did not try anymore to communicate with anyone."The children that was not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth".I read this somewhere not long ago, and immediately thought of this time of my life. I was very close indeed, to put this saying into a reality.
Then a miracle happened. At 12, because of my very average grade, I had to repeat my school year, and while my mother and me did change house this year too, this time she chose to stay in the same region, and so I stayed in the same school.This year, I met two wonderful people, and they saved me.I have no idea what would have become of me without them, they were the first human being to show not only acceptance, but understanding.
For anonymity reason, I'll call them T, and L.They were already friends when I met them, they moved to the next class together, and ended up in mine.For some reason, they decided to approach me. I remember that my first reaction was of rejection, I was sure they were approaching me to make fun of me, like it often happened. But it wasn't the case, and I quickly learned to trust and love them. We became inseparable, and miracle of all miracles, I stayed 3 more years in this school.
T was big, I don't mean fat, I mean tall, and with wide shoulders, stronger than any child of the same age in school. He was also the kindest man I ever met, and very shy. Like me, he was an outcast, his fault in the eyes of our schoolmates was his shyness, and a physical feature of him, he had no eyebrows. His dad had died a few years before, and due to the trauma, he had developed the strange habit of constantly touching his eyebrows, to the point that all the hair had fallen.The other children often came to our group to make fun at us, mostly at him, L had no problem responding with some wit to the attacks, I would not react at all, so it was not fun, but T was visibly shaken by it, and the other children loved to see him close to tears.However, I remember one time when they decided to get physical on him, and he snapped and threw, literally threw one of them, like if he was nothing but a big bag of potatoes.What a sight.Nobody tried to get physical on us ever again.
L was the opposite, he had no problem being social, was very smart and hard working at school, he was, by all means, a very healthy individual, but he had one big difference, and that is enough to become an outcast in a school environment.He was little, and skinny, he looked like two years younger than he really was, because of a genetic disorder. Also, he was a nerd, preferring board game to football. Not a good thing in my school.
Suddenly, I was not alone anymore, home was still hell, but school was heaven. Yes the other kids were still mean and stupid, but I did not mind, I felt like a king, with my two friends who were also kings, we did not fit in, but I began to take pride in my difference.In my mind, they were savages, and we were civilized.Why would I be touched by the words of fools?
Once a week, I went to the home of L, and I spent the night. We would play board games and read comic books, we would eat with his parents, who were kind, madly in love with each other, artistic.I would talk to them and they would talk to me and for the first time an adult actually cared for what I had to say.The house was all wood, and since both of the parents smoked, the air was always full of the smell of old wood and cold tobacco.To me this smell is still the best one in the world. When I think of paradise, I think of this place, of this time.
Then, at 15, I entered High School. (For those thinking that the age and class do not correspond I am french and our system may be different than yours.)So I entered high school, and hell came back knocking at my door.T went to another high School, and L quickly began to spend time with more popular people, and I was not invited.Of course, I made no effort to be invited, I had spent the first part of my life thinking that everybody was mean and stupid, and the second part thinking me and my friend were better than all of them.And I now held very high standards on who I would speak to.I had become proud, unhealthily proud.Also, I, for the first time, got a girlfriend, who was the stereotype of the nerd girl, but she dumped me around the same time L dumped me for his new friends.Also, at home, things had become worse than they had ever been.Adolescence helping, I had begun to respond to my mother when she was telling me something that I did not like, which was, basically all she had to say to me, and she had a new boyfriend that I hated. She had had a lot of boyfriends before, and I never minded, but this one was really stupid, and really strong, and would always agree with what my mother would say like a very well trained dog, I hated him.
I spent almost the whole year alone.While before meeting T and L, I had known only that, this time was different, I was conscious of the void.
One week before the end of the school year, I got in an argument with my mother.I do not remember what the argument was about, but I remember how it ended.She slapped me in the face.She had never done that before, she never had had to, I was not doing or being what she wanted, but I never openly opposed her, so she had no reason to hit me, but now I was doing only that.When her hand hit my face I remember being bemused, I did not expect that.Then, I looked at her and told her "So what?", and she hit me again.And I said it again, and she hit me again, and again, and again.I don't know how long we went back and forth, but I know my cheek hurt like hell in the end.When she finally admitted defeat and stopped, she looked at me like if I was the scum of the earth and told me "You're such a stupid kid. You'll pay for this.". And left.
In France, at the end of the first year of High School, teacher are supposed to decide if you can pass to the next class next year, but it is actually the parents who have the last word about this.My grades were bad, but not horrible, 10/20, and so I was confident that I would pass, with such grade, student were let to the next grade without problem, I had worked just enough to get this score every year for several years, and it had always worked out as planned.When me and my mother went to see the lead teacher to decide this, she decided I should not pass.
Once outside of the building, she looked at me in silence, and smiled. She did not speak, but I still heard her say "I win".

Part 2: Into the shadow.

This day, at the age of 16, I broke down.
We had came here in car my mom and I, but I began walking away from her, and did the 30mn walk to home by foot, and she did not try to convince me to enter the car.
During this walk, I thought, I thought of how I hated this whole world.This sentiment was not new, but this day, it had taken a whole new dimension.I think that most people, when they break, turn to sadness, or apathy.I turned to anger.A cold and powerful anger.I decided that never again, I would be the victim.I decided that if the world could not let me be who I was, I would not live in it but win it.I decided to eat the world.I decided to become popular, not for strong friendship, but for what other could give me.I decided to become a good flirter, not to find the one, but to fuck, consume, punish women, who had only gifted me disdain, and approached me to make fun of me.I decided to become strong, not for my health, but to be able to throw my fist at anyone who would not give me the respect I deserved.I decided to metaphorically kill myself, and build something new from the rubble.
I asked to go live with my father, I needed to leave this place, my mother did not agree, but I did not give her a choice, I told her that I would just leave by foot if I had to, and she believed me.She did however put a condition on me going to live with my father, I had to be put in a catholic boarding school, she tried to convince my father that I was becoming uncontrollable, that I needed to be disciplined. My father wasn't convinced, but I told him I was ok with it, as long as I could leave this place.And so it was arranged.
I spent my first summer in my father's house.We slowly learned to know each other. What had transpired during childhood turned out to be true, we had not much to say to each other, however, it was clear we would never get into a fight, he did not judge, he did not try to tell me what to do.By the end of the summer holiday, it had become clear to me that my father would never act toward me like a father, and I would never act toward him like a son.But we were both respectful to each other, we were, basically, two very polite roommates , and it stayed that way during the years I spent at his place.
During the holiday, I used my free time to plan how I would achieve my goals, and reading forums or books with titles such as "How to become a dominant alpha male" or "How to make friend with people" or "Become the best version of yourself".I was learning social interaction like one learns mathematics.
When the first day in my new school came, I was prepared, at least I thought I was.I had a pretty good start, achieved to understand quickly who were the popular guys and made friend with them.However, being a totally different person than you were just 6 months ago is more difficult to do in practice than on paper.And so, the other teenagers quickly realized that something was off with me, and they were a lot of awkward moments during the year when I tried to flirt with a girl or just socialize.
So, overall, it was a failure.However I did achieve some things.First, people respected me, I worked out every day and had gained a lot of weight and muscle, and since boarding school is very prone to physical bullying, I had learned to stand up for myself.I had also learned that just by showing that you are willing to defend yourself physically almost always is enough to make the aggression stop.I only got into one fight this year, and I won it.I also learned to be the bully. Often time, during the night, a group would come to your bed, and wake you up, and then they would say the ritual words "Bully or be the bullied?". If you did not immediately get up, and say "Bully" they would turn your bed upside down violently, or empty a bottle of shampoo on your head, or something like that (we were sleeping in a dormitory of 16). If you did get up, you would go with the group to the next bed, and participate with them to this "fun" activity, always, one would not get up quick enough.I did not sleep much during this year.
Every weekend I would be at my father's house, and by the end of the year, it had become clear to my father that the description my mother had done of me was.. inaccurate, to say it mildly.So he asked me if I wanted to go in a high school close to his home, to be able to live with him even during the week, I accepted.
I spent the holiday studying social interaction, like the previous year, and came up with a new plan. Being the "nice popular guy" had failed, because people could sense I was not really who I pretended to be, so I got a new plan, I was gonna be the "Popular, but a little crazy and probably dangerous, guy". That way, my occasional awkwardness would not clash too much with the perception other had of me.
It worked like a charm.The first day, I made friend with a group of Hippies wannabe.The second day, a notorious bully came to fuck with them, I stood up, asked him to stop, he got angry and threw me a stone, I rushed to him and we began fighting, he was much stronger than me, so I grabbed his balls and pulled down, forcing him to get on his knees. Then we got separated, which is a good thing, because I have no doubt that he would have achieved to crush me if the fight had continued.The third day, every popular guy wanted to be my friend.
I was now popular, and nobody dared fuck with me.And to the girl, I was still strange, but girls, especially popular teenage girls, love bad guys, and I had become the perfect stereotype of the bad guy.
I spent the year attending a lot of parties, I was invited to the party of the hippies too, I even went to a few rave parties, lost in some woods. There I looked like an outsider, with my leather shoes and my stylish clothes, while all the others were wearing stereotypical hippy clothes.But everybody knew me, and I had no problem dancing with them to the sound of Dubstep and participate with them to some "recreational activities".The other group I was spending time with was the "rebel" group, popular guys that had a strong tendency to get into trouble, I spent most of my time with them, they fitted me better to get to my goals, but they were less fun.
So, mission accomplished?Well, not totally, I still had not fucked any girl.I had had success with them, kissed a lot of them, but each time I was getting close to take them to bed, I would find a way to make it fail.At the time, I beat myself over it, thinking I had to keep trying, find out what I was doing wrong.Now, thinking about it, I realize that every time I deliberately made it fail. I said to myself I wanted it, but I did not, not really.Fucking a girl just for sport is not me, I want to have feeling for the one I have sex with.But at the time, I wanted to become the perfect bastard, and I was failing at it.My true personality, while silenced, was still here, and fighting back.
At this point I was 18 years old
This holiday, I decided to spend the summer in Cork, Ireland, and applied to an English teaching school there, for two months.The first month was relatively uneventful, the fact that my English was very bad was not helping me to socialize, but I still managed. I flirted a lot with girls from all over the world that came here to learn English, but again, could not take them to bed.Then a new girl arrived at school, I'll call her H, she, was Spanish. We began talking in class and the connection was immediate, it was easy to speak and flirt with her.I asked her on a date, and she agreed.
One thing you must understand is that in these self-development books I was reading the advice that came the most was "Fake it until you make it" or, said in a different manner, lie.And so I lied, all the time, I was not only faking a personality, I was making up stories, people, knowledge.And I had become very convincing, nobody was doubting what I was saying anymore.
And so, with H, I did the same.I lied, I presented myself as someone I was not, and when she asked me if I had already fucked with a girl, I just gave a smile as a response, a smile that meant, "of fucking course, but let's not talk about this".So she asked me how many, and I gave her a bigger smile, and she guessed it meant a lot, but appreciated that I did not want to brag outloud about it.In truth, I was still a virgin.This was not the only lie, of course. I would normally not have felt bad for lying, I had been doing it constantly for 2 years now, but with her it was different, I quickly realized that our conversations were naturally slipping to subject that actually interested me, and that I hadn't spoken of for 2 years.We spoke of obscure bands that almost nobody knows about, we spoke philosophy, we spoke literature, we spoke a lot about literature.But I had already bullshitted her, now, I had to keep the mask on, or she would reject me, I was sure of it.
However, I was not able to hide to myself that I was falling in love with this girl.I thought about what I should do, keep to the plan, or try to have a meaningful relationship with her? In the end, I chose the middle ground. I would spend the month with her and only her, and not fight my feeling for her, but at the end of the month I would leave her and go back to my plan. I did not want to enter a real relationship, even less a long distance one.And so we spent the month together, she took my virginity without knowing it, and we both had a wonderful month together.And we were in love, and I still dumped her when I had to go back to France.I was polite about it, explaining long distance relationship could not work, and she agreed.But she still cried.And I felt bad about it, and scorned myself for being weak.

I will talk much more succinctly about the following years, as this text while similar to an autobiography, isn't one, the goal is to explore how I ended up butchering my own mind and how it evolved through time, and the next years saw much less evolution, since my new mind was more or less settled.

I was now 18, and my last year of high school happened pretty much the same as the previous one, I had now no problem impersonating my new personality, and was slowly but surely forgetting my old one, beginning to think of my mask as not a mask, but a new face, a real face.Like the previous year, I had success with girls, but did not achieve to bed them, and did not understand why, and beat myself over it.The summer was also uneventful, except for the fact that H came to spend some time with me in France. We had kept talking online, and while we were not officially together we talked like if it was the case, and once she was here, it became clear that we were.But I was still determined to keep flirting and trying to fuck other girls when she was not here.
At the end of summer, I entered law school, in Montpelier, in the south of France.I had no problem integrating myself, went to parties, and studied.For about a month.Then my first depressive episode hit me.I did not understand what was happening to me and why.Now I know that it was because I did not want to be a lawyer, and was not living a life that suited me.I had decided to become a lawyer for the money, and the prestige, and because I knew it was easy for me to learn law texts and make good argumentation.Of course, I now know that I do not care at all about money or prestige.
For 3 months, I barely left my apartment, I did not go to school anymore, I did not party anymore, I barely eat, slept a lot, sometimes all day. Talked to nobody.I did not understand what was happening to me, If my father was calling me, if was telling him that all was fine.I hated myself, I kept telling myself that I was weak, that I had to get over it.
After 3 months, some friend from high school came to see me, and not wanting them to see me in such a state, I partied like hell with them.While it was hard to put myself in the mood, I genuinely liked these two, and so I actually enjoyed myself this night.It woke me up.It was too late for law school, so I called my father and told him I had quit, not because I had failed but because it did not interest me.I went back home.
I was now 19.
At this point, I was not faking my new personality anymore, I had finished brainwashing myself. Paradoxically, this also meant that since I was not making any conscious effort to be someone else, it allowed me, slowly, to slip back to my true self.I spent the year doing various jobs, and partying a lot.
Then I did the first thing uncharacteristic of my new self.I was supposed to start studying again at the start of the school year, but canceled at the last minute, and took a flight to Australia.I arrived there with 1000 Australian Dollar and no idea of what I would do.
I partied hard for a week, then, seeing my money drying up quickly, I change hostel to something cheap, very cheap, and went around the city of Brisbane to find a job, and did not.The next day, I told myself I would keep searching, but did not.And the same thing the next day, and the next, and the next.Again, depression had hit me.I stayed in this hostel, amongst stranger, doing nothing, for several weeks.
One day, I waked up, and realized I had only around 100 dollars left.So I took a train to Bundaberg, a little city far to the north, where I had heard there was work.I arrived there with 20 dollars.
In Australia, as a foreigner, the easiest way to find a job is to go see working hostel, which are basically hostel were almost only foreigners live, and the hostel find jobs for you in the farms around them.And so I went to each working hostel of the city, and asked if they had jobs to offer, and they all said no.So I went back to the first one, the cheapest, and payed for a night.The next day, I knew, I would be homeless.
But life isn't always sadness and sorrow, and there another little miracle happened.The receptionist of the hostel, we'll call her M, was a Japanese girl around my age, and she was actually more than the receptionist, since the boss was almost never here, she basically managed the hostel.After I paid, she asked me if I wanted to come drink with her and some of the other residents of the hostel, and so I did.I spent a very enjoyable evening, the people that were here, all foreigners, had all something in common, they were, all, one way or another, lost. And so was I.And M obviously liked me, and so I flirted, and this time, for some reason, I ended up in her bed.
I have already told this story to a lot of people, it is after all, an amazing story, and one of the few that actually happened.But when I was telling it before, I said that I bedded her so I would not have to pay and be homeless, joking that I prostituted myself.In truth, she was kind, and I was lost, and I needed to be with someone, and so, she saved me.
She allowed me to stay without paying, actually, we never talked about it, but since I was sleeping in her bed and not my room, it would have been strange.After a few days, one of the hostel offered me a job on a lemon farm, but I had to live in the hostel to have the job, so I changed hostel.
At this point, I was totally lost, did not know anymore who I was, but did not ask myself the question.I was not planning anything, I was living in the moment, day by day, relentlessly trying to destroy myself.
Indeed, I stayed there a year, the day, I would work on the farm, then I would spend all the money on a meal and all the alcohol I could buy, get back to the hotel, and drink with the others.Often I got into fights, that I lost more often than I won.Some night I would go to see M, and she would always welcome me with a smile. I was not in love with her, but god I loved her.
And all around me, there was me. Lost peoples, living like if tomorrow did not exist, and destroying themselves with alcohol or other substances.A lot happened to me there, amazing stories, I do not regret this time, but if I had stayed, it would have killed me.And so, after about a year, for some reason, I took my phone and called my father, and told him I was going home.

Once back in France, I began working in a regular, full time job, in a company specialized on organizing parties and other events.I was partying less and less and had lost touch with all but one of my friends. But I was still being the social always happy, a bit crazy guy when I was with people.Nothing much happened this year.

Then at the end of summer, H contacted me. She was going to study for a year in France, and needed a place to stay a few days before she could get into her apartment.She came to my house, and we immediately fell back into each other arms.When I helped her move her stuff into her apartment, she asked me to stay, and so I did.
We lived a year in Lyon, and we were happy. I was not acting anymore with her like the person I had pretended to be all these years, but I still saw myself as this person, and so was constantly stressed that I did not act like I should.
At the end of the year, she moved back to Spain to continue her scholarship, and asked me to come with her, and so I did.
But my depressive episodes were more and more common, and while I told myself every day that I would look for a job, I never did, and this hurt the relationship.It was not so much the fact that she wanted me to bring money home, we had no money problem, and she doesn't care much for material thing, but the fact that I was constantly saying that I was gonna do something and then not do it was a problem.Also, I began starting projects, learning coding, writing a book, making youtube videos. I would always make quick progress, but would not feel the confidence to show it to the world, and at some point decide it was just shit, that I was not doing a good job with it, and scrap the project.
At the end of the year, I decided to go back to France and become a policeman.In my mind, the discipline of this kind of job would obligate me to do things right.So H kept doing her studies in Spain, and I became a policeman.
The police school was easy, a formation of 3 months, I got excellent grade, was the second best at shooting, and also had very good score on the physical test.But once the real job began, it was something else entirely.I was given a lot of freedom in my work, and would constantly procrastinate. I was doing a bad job, and this it not me being too hard on myself, I really was doing a bad job.But this was not some corporate bullshit company, my work had an actual impact on people's lives, and so I felt an immense guilt for not being a good cop, for being the lazy cop.And yet I could not stop procrastinating.And so, after almost a year, I quit.
During this year H came to see me quite often, but it was not working anymore, I was loosing her. And I can't blame her, I was now incapable of loving myself, incapable of taking decisive action, lost in my thought most of the time, but not achieving to understand anything of what was happening in my own head.
After that I went back to live with my father, I did not know who I was or what I wanted or what I believed in anymore.I just wanted a peaceful place, and to sleep.
I was now 25.
I began working with my father, he has a ranch, so I would feed the horses, clean the stable, etc... From there on, I've lived in a dream state, working this physical job like a robot, paying video game or watching series afterward. When H came, I would wake up, and be happy and energetic, but I could see she was doing her best to love me, but not truly loving me anymore.

Part 3: Awakening, the end of ten years of dark slumber.

3 months ago. 26 years and 5 months of life.
I had not talked to her for a month.I knew what was coming.And it came.She left me.And I broke down, for the second time of my life.
But this time, anger was not here to greet me, but an overwhelming sadness.I entered a depression phase, but it was nothing like the previous time.
I did not feel sleepy, I felt wide awake and I was feeling all kinds of emotions I had not felt for 10 straight years.And it terrified me.It terrified me to be on the verge of tear because I had listened to some song, or because of the color of the sky.And what colors!I watch the trees, and they are not just trees anymore, but a complex natural architecture, and every color seem so much more precise to me now, I can't really explain it with words.
I did nothing for 2 months, nothing but looking at the sky, the trees, and my horses.I did nothing but exploring my own mind, meticulously trying to remember my childhood.Remembering how I would find comfort in nature when all else failed me as a child.Revising each of my story and asking myself, did this truly happen? If so, did it happen like you've told it?Remembering every repressed memory, even my most painful.
I peeled off my mask, gently, slowly, and looked myself in the mirror.And one day, I awake knowing who I am, who I really am.And I started writing again.
Since then, I feel everything so much more strongly.I still have so much sadness and pain.And it hurts everyday.But this is me, and I will never again choose to exchange my pain for an existence of falsehood. Because while I now hurt every day, I can now also see beauty and color again.And that, my friends, has no price to heavy to pay.

TL;DR: I was an Infp as a child, but because of life, decided to butcher my own mind, and stayed in the shadow for ten literal years. But happily, this story has a happy ending (kinda).
submitted by Numero81 to infp [link] [comments]

2020.08.24 05:53 ENBY_daddy96 Word vomit - can anyone relate?

TW: self harm / abuse / drug use / suicide
So this is going to be a bit of a word vomit - apologies in advance....
Freshie to reddit here. I’m a 24 NB (AFAB) and I’ve been receiving formal treatment for anxiety/depression since I was 18 after a particularly severe depressive episode during my first year out of home. I ended up being stuck on my bedroom floor, crying for 2 (might have been 3) days until my parents told me to move back home. I definitely should have sought professional help earlier as I have always fluctuated in moods and had severe explosive episodes as long as I can remember, something my parents attest to. I’ve always been described as an “all or nothing person” and can’t place a point where these feelings and episodes began. They feel pervasive and ever present
My explosive episodes are pretty f**ked to put it short. Trying to describe and articulate how I feel/what I am thinking during these periods has always been a seemingly impossible task. Sometimes these episodes seem to be definitely BPD triggered but at other times feel like the result of intense periods of prolonged frustration or agitation and something has gotten in the way/gone wrong with my plan then I can start to spiral and loose it. Sometimes I get almost hooked on a potentially negative outcome that may never come to fruition but convince myself they are fact/definite (for example; my partner and I are poly, and have recently decided to open up our relationship but I got convinced for like 3 days after we reactivated dating apps that they were just looking for a cis dude to leave me for - something I logically know and believe isn’t true but the other day I was convinced they were just trying to find the antithesis of me to leave me for).
By “explosive episodes” I’m referring to situations/moments in time when I get overwhelmed by my thought and feelings, can’t process or understand them and it results in feelings of intense emotional pain / distress. When I was younger and before I had started engaging in therapy these explosions were always really outward, but the older I get the more they have transitioned into an “implosion”. When I start spiralling and get into one of these states my thoughts start racing and cycling, I start to feel physically hot and tense, I loose touch with my surroundings, can hear what’s happening around me but can’t respond/react, and sometimes it’s like I hear my partner talking to me but my brain refuses my response from being spoken. Usually when I’m in these states they can last anywhere from 10 minutes to several hours and are usually only stopped once I self harm. When I start “exploding/imploding” the cyclic thoughts start with what’s stressing me out around me / what I’m angry about and then evolve into nothing but demands for self harm. Usually telling me to beat myself either on things or with my fists.
Sometimes it takes only several punches other times I can get stuck beating my legs and then crying/sobbing/mini spiral then beat myself again, at times lasting a couple of hours. Eventually though I “come back to earth” for lack of better phrasing, and can re engage with my surroundings. The thoughts slow and quieten. These episodes are usually followed by feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness and hopelessness. I just feel empty and the pain from my self harm keeps me grounded and feeling real things.
The self harm probably started when I was 15/16 in the form of punching solid things to harm my hand. From accounts from my mum I guess I’ve always been quite a volatile person and have suffered from these explosive episodes and mood instability for as long as I can remember. I grew up in rural Australia and am both gay and trans so childhood/adolescence was probably never going to be a breeze.
Most of my memories from childhood are being alone. Growing up in the bush both my parents would leave for work before I woke up most days and not get home until after dark. Pretty well consistently from the age of 4 onwards I was left at home alone with my brother during school holidays and often weekends when my parents had extra work. I’ve asked them before why I was left unsupervised from such a young age and they say they didn’t have a choice + plus I was never alone - I had my brother to look after me.
Unfortunately for me, my brother has never been my biggest fan. 4 years my senior and the eldest son my brother copped a lot of my father’s (who was a functioning alcoholic but alcoholic nonetheless) abuse. Never really physical (although we were slapped on our legs/bum as children as discipline and dads hand prints would leave bad marks and sometimes welts) but a lot of what I’m coming to acknowledge was definitely verbal and emotional abuse. My dad grew up with a quite nasty step father who was quite abusive to him and his blood-related siblings throughout his childhood (when dad was 2 him and his twin were in a car crash with their parents and his mum survived but dad didn’t). The older the more sure I am that how dad behaved and treated us (particularly my brother) was abuse. Dad would berate my brother about pretty much anything and it created a pretty nasty dynamic in the house. I would suck up to my dad and try to side with him so that I wouldn’t become the target. And mum would defend my brother which led to my parents fighting which was never good. I don’t think my dad ever hit my mother but they would scream, throw things (a couple of times) and call each other horrible names. I can vividly remember at least 2 seperate occasions where mum sat us down and told us she was leaving dad. This never eventuated but I remember both times like it was yesterday. Can even still hear my dad yelling “stupid bitch always siding with the kids” - crystal clear.
Anyways so whenever I was left home with my brother (from approx age 4/5 onwards) he would either just leave to his mates (our neighbours) and hang there all day, only coming back just before my parents got home. Or he would take his frustration out on me - usually via names, ignoring me or antagonising me into a physical altercation. He never threw the first punch because that was a rule in our house (whoever threw first punch was in the wrong) but he antagonised home until I did. As I got older and we got more evenly matched physically this became less and less the case. Instead he would pretty well ignore me or just call me names here and there, unless our parents were around. If our parents were around he would start antagonising me (he’s very skilled at it and knows my triggers - i.e. physical touch at times, especially from him, can trigger me) until I lashed out and I would always get in trouble/disciplined not him. I’d try to explain what was happening but they (usually mum) would say that I have to learn to ignore it as that’s how he is. “He didn’t mean it, he was just poking fun/having a laugh - just ignore him” this was the message time and time again.
Our relationship hasn’t really improved as we’ve aged and we have eventuated into polar opposite people. In beliefs, values, interests, style - in every way. We can have civil interactions and be around each other now but that’s only been the past year. Previously we have had a very tumultuous relationship and when we were together we would be pretty much guaranteed to fight at some point.
So at present my diagnosis is a work in progress. My psych has flagged BPD, anxiety, depression, disordered eating and OCD (that one manifests in some fun ways) as potential diagnosis. Bipolar Disorder has also now entered the picture due to a manic episode coming off my Zoloft a few months back.
My partner also suffers from Bipolar II and so does their sister and mother so they have experienced their fair share of mania. When I had my manic episode and explained what I was feeling they concurred that i was manic. I even went to my GP whilst very manic and she seemed to not really know what to do. I wasn’t too bad or anything, just very energetic/chatty / smidge combative or argumentative perhaps but tried to keep a lid on it as my partner had given me the heads up I could potentially get sectioned (I had a recent attempt so that plus a manic episode and my partner thought I might not be allowed home after my doctor appointment). Luckily (kind of) my gp doesn’t seem to be too well versed on complex mental health and didn’t really know how to handle it, instead I got the feeling she would have preferred not to know I was manic.
My GP is very much “pro-medication” for mental health which is fair enough but every time she went to prescribe me a different anti-depressant she whips out a big folder and has to look it all up. Like no biggie or whatever, I understand not every GP specialises in mental health but they at least should be able to recognise when a patient’s needs are no longer in their realm of professional capacity? Right?
It’s also particularly frustrating as after my manic episode I tried to explain my concerns surrounding trying new SSRI’s but she just ignored them I guess and sold me the “its trial and error” story - which I’m very aware of. I just don’t want to keep experimenting with these medications without proper supervision/monitoring and don’t feel like I have that level of support yet. I know the one manic episode doesn’t mean I have bipolar and can be potentially attributed to other causes (Like I heard that BPD can carry potential for manic episodes- anyone else find that to be true?) I’ve been trying to find a bulk billing/cheap psychiatrist in Brisbane but that is proving a seemingly impossible task, so if anyone has any suggestions that would be amaze also 🙏 I just do not trust medication to not hinder more then they help.
But yeah I guess I’m just struggling. I’ve been working really hard this past year to get on top of it all as I’m 24 and need to start functioning properly/consistently. The more I try to understand my mental health though the more pervasive and chronic it appears. I try to trace back to a single incident or point in time where these feelings seemed to onset but I can’t. There’s definitely been periods in my life where I’ve handled these fluctuations and episodes better but at other points they have really taken over. I can only confidently say I have had one manic episode but I definitely can place points/periods where I feel I could have been hypomanic and these have usually been preceded or followed by bad depressive episodes.
I guess I’m just struggling. I don’t have a great support network and lost a lot of friends when I gave up partying/MDMA a year or so ago. I’ve recently found myself unemployed and just have too much time alone with my thoughts. If anyone had any advice on coping strategies, hook ups for cheap psychiatrists in Brisbane or even just some words of support/can relate that would be so greatly appreciated. If not it has just been nice to type these words and share a bit of my experience with the world. Thank you to anyone who has made it the whole way through and taken the time to read my post.
submitted by ENBY_daddy96 to BPD4BPD [link] [comments]

2020.08.22 02:55 thewhitemarker TAR Australia 2 Thoughts - Spoilers Inside

Special thanks to JaxonMonty who helped me track down the episodes.
Get your aura cleansing spray and your high heels because this is going to be a long read.
What a great season.
Spoiler free TLDR: Amazing cast, one of the best ever assembled. Great route, great tasks. Watch it ASAP.
Spoilers start below
. . . .
I recently finished TAR Australia 2. I had watched Season 1 a couple years ago, and to be honest, I don’t remember much about it. The names ring a bell, but trying to connect the names and faces outside of the top 5 is a challenge and I have a tough time remembering the legs (outside of the Israel legs for whatever reason). Fortunately TARAus2 is a lot more memorable, and, while I think I’m preaching to the converted, it’s arguably one of the best TAR seasons.
Literally ever team (except maybe the Adam and Dane) were great casting. In a way, some of the teams were a bit stereotypical, but they were perfect versions of their respective stereotypes.
Adam and Dane - Probably the least interesting team. They only last two legs so there isn’t much to judge them on outside of their screw up selling their shoes.
Sue and Theresa - These hairdressing hippies literally brought around a spray bottle of aura cleanser. And they were surprisingly competent? Two top four finishes before the counting roadblock brought them down in India. That includes a surprising come-from-behind fourth place after a great boat assembly. Honestly hilarious to watch.
Kym and Donna - My early favourites, they were a little arrogant but it was in response to Paul so I give it a pass. I found them pretty entertaining, and their end is just sad to watch, after three strong showings they just get totally lost in Dubai. Older, off-beat, but definitely not afraid to speak their mind. I can’t understand the Aussie slang they use to diss Paul but whatever it is I agree.
Ross and Tarryn - Stereotypical fathedaughter where the daughter wants to prove herself to her (former pro-athlete, in this case) dad. Ross would be the one that cost them the race after botching a roadblock. Genuinely nice people who started off strong but fell behind, I was sad to see them go.
Sticky and Sam - Friends, the arm puns got a little stale towards the end but they were competitive until they missed the flight to Cuba. I wasn’t overly invested in them but enjoyed them nonetheless, they were nice and lighthearted compared to a lot of the top 7.
James and Sarah - Oh boy. Where to start. Probably the second most memorable team from this season, everything from Sarah’s high heels at the starting line to their exit in Vancouver. We really got to see all aspects of their relationship, for better or for worse, and while I’d be lying if I said I rooted for them, they definitely kept it interesting. Sarah reminds me a bit of Rachel Reilly... am I the only one that sees that?
Lucy and Emilia - Everyone’s favourite underdogs. Seriously, how they kept escaping elimination is insane. Salvage Pass in 1, Cousins taking penalty in 2, Hairdressers not being able to count in 3, Kym/Donna getting horribly lost in 4 (despite Lucy/Emilia literally getting detained for trespassing on the royal grounds), James and Sarah screw up in 9. The fact they last more than two legs in miraculous. And thank god they did. Two of the best TAR characters of all time. Absolutely hilarious commentary throughout, singing on top of the gondola, playing with the twins’ extensions, everything about them was gold.
Joseph and Grace - One of my favourite sibling teams. They start off with the whole ‘older brother, younger sister’ dynamic, and instead of getting better, it gets worse as the race goes on and Grace makes poor decisions. She has no problem stealing cabs or sharing her thoughts, and it makes her a great secondary villain to Paul. But even then, I still found them rootable? Joseph’s kind of put her in her place a couple times and it was just interesting to watch.
Michelle and Jo - They come in as the standard “oh everyone just thinks we’re pretty twin cheerleaders but we’re also good at things!” teams, and unlike most the precede them, they show up. Outside of the first leg with the balut, they finish top 4 the rest of the way, and had the highest average placement of the season. It was definitely surprising to watch (even though I was semi-spoiled). They also have an interesting internal dynamic where Jo felt like she needed to prove herself to Michelle, and this was seen throughout.
Paul and Steve - Paul is a great villain. Just mean enough to root against, but just human enough to appreciate. Sometimes it was a little over the top but it never got too annoying for me. Steve provides a nice balance. Both had some funny moments, Paul was shown to be self aware at times, Steve was low key funny.They underperform a lot in the first few legs which I’ll attribute to karma, but rack up five wins in a row, including one where they were u-turned.
Shane and Andrew - Definitely one of the most likeable winners. TAR has a history of providing strong but kind of bland winners, and while they weren’t the most interesting or intense team in the cast, they were charming, charismatic guys that I’d put at least one tier above some of the vanilla winners. Their awful cab luck put them behind a lot in the early legs but they pulled it out when it mattered most. The ‘doing it for the family’ rhetoric got a bit much for me towards the end but I’ll blame that on the edit.
Overall, one of the best casts ever assembled. Every team brought something to the table. Also one of the best boot orders. Every episode had great moments from at least one team. Great intra and inter team dynamics.
The route was also pretty strong. Philippines (both Manila and rural areas), India (New Delhi, Jaipur), UAE (Dubai), Turkey (Istanbul, partially at night), Paris (night), Cuba (Havana and rural areas, partially at night), Canada (Vancouver and Banff), China (Beijing and Guilin), and finale in Brisbane. A lot of variety, each country offered something different. My one critique is that there were a couple too many double legs for my liking (India, Turkey, Cuba, Canada) but India was in two different cities, Turkey and Cuba were really 1.5 legs, and Canada was in two different parts of the country.
There were a lot of great tasks. What I really liked is that most tasks tied in with the destination (TARCan, take note next time you want to go to an arcade for air hockey or play paintball).
There were also a lot of tasks. Wiki notes that there’s at least a couple roadblocks and detours that weren’t featured in the episodes, and the episodes all felt pretty full as is.
To summarize:
Philippines: Car task, Balut, Dance/Pig wrestle detour, Raft making/rowing
India 1: Cow milking/cow poop bricking laying, Bollywood dance
India 2: Driving school roadblock, clay pot delivery task, step counting roadblock
UAE: Dune buggy/camel detour, surfing roadblock, horse racing
UAE/Turkey: Dates/Jewelry detour, Cistern Roadblock
Turkey: Soap task, Carpet/Shoe shining detour, whirling dervish Roadblock
France/Cuba: Soufflé making, cheese task
Cuba2: Compass/fishing roadblock, daiquiri/puzzle detour
Canada1: Lumberjack detour, cable car roadblock, kayaking/flag task
Canada2: Bull riding, ice climbing roadblock, search/ski detour, ice block, dog sleds
China: Waitewheel detour, massage task, lion head task, Great Wall roadblock
China/Australia: Teach/Learn detour, market task, questions task, treasure task.
Some of my favourites are in italics.
Some tasks were a little stereotypical (lumberjack challenges in Canada, for example) and it’s my understanding that a few were borrowed from other versions of TAR, but the only bad tasks in there were the surfing roadblock and the horse racing task in Dubai, the former for the ease and the latter for the uncontrollable randomness and time commitment. I’m not to big a fan of the ‘how well do you know your teammate’ task either.
Leg Design
The one gripe I have with this season is, despite the great route and tasks, some of the leg design is really not that great. It’s not bad, but it could’ve been better.
There was a lot of mid-leg travel, Leg 5 from Dubai to Istanbul, Leg 7 from Paris to Havana, Leg 12 from Guilin to Brisbane. I don’t mind the sign up board equalizer, and there were a few of those too, but mid leg travel via plane has a tendency to either equalize everyone, negating the first half of the leg, or keep just a couple teams back fighting for survival, which makes the first group is kind of irrelevant.
The one fortunate thing here was that both leg 5 and 7 were both NELs/TBCs, so it wasn’t a death sentence for trailing teams. Leg 12 though... while I really liked to dramatics of the Guilin portion of the leg, there was 20 minutes separating Michelle and Jo walking their way to a win and all three teams being on the same flight. Really poorly thought out.
For an international TAR season they had a decent amount of self-driving. The UAE, Cuba and Canada2 legs were all self driving as were the portions of the premiere and finale in Australia. Of course in Cuba they had to deal with those crappy old cars. As entertaining as that was, I really don’t think it was a good idea and it could’ve gone very bad. If it was just a couple of teams that had issues I wouldn’t be too worried but basically every team had problems and some (most?) had to get locals to help them get their cars fixed.
I think production was a bit stingy on the money too. Three teams were eliminated because they didn’t have money to pay for cabs. Obviously money management is important, and those teams all either made mistakes in their decisions or inadvertently got ripped off, but it seemed a little extreme to have that many issues with that many teams.
The lack of an equalizer combined with the intersection in Turkey2 also sunk any chance Ross and Tarryn has of catching up, which was pretty poor planning.
All that being said, we saw some really great eliminations:
As I mentioned up top, it was a really great season. I don’t have an official ranking but it would absolutely be in my top 5, and it’s definitely my favourite non-US TAR season out of the ten I’ve watched. If you have the chance to watch it, I suggest you do. The teams alone make it worthwhile. Heck, Lucy and Emilia alone make it worthwhile.
submitted by thewhitemarker to TheAmazingRace [link] [comments]

2020.08.20 12:53 yahboimate Advice for coping with a breakup?

Yeah, i'm sorry. I realise this is probably a stupidly common question for this subreddit, but I just don't know how to handle it.
(little side notes. I'm a 16 year old guy, and she was my first proper girlfriend if that helps)
Background if it matters: During the start of this year, particularly during the first lockdown in the Melbourne region of Australia, our relationship of over a year and a half started falling apart. We would argue over tiny things, and we just weren't getting along anymore. Then, while we were playing GTA one time she met a guy who's two years younger who lives in Brisbane (we live in Melbourne) who sent her an invite and she left to play with him. Fast forward about a week and she had cheated on me with him over text and that's when I broke it off. Also, she had already almost cheated on me with someone else about 6 or 8 months prior so there was already little trust in her playing with people but yep, it happened like I had been worrying...
But despite the fact that she cheated on me, I still think about her and miss her. She was my first time for a lot of things. First kiss, first hug, first cuddle, first date, first valentine, and even first time. I don't know how to not think about it anymore, so does anyone have any advice? It really hurts.
Sorry for all the writing...I get told I type too much. And sorry again if this is a dumb question.
submitted by yahboimate to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2020.08.20 11:19 Chaddy24 New Gaming Rig

What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
submitted by Chaddy24 to buildapcforme [link] [comments]

2020.08.19 09:02 Cicero1982 Your Pre-Market Brief for 08/19/2020

Pre Market Brief for Wednesday August 19th 2020

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2020.08.18 03:36 jamescridland Free postcards? Where from?

The newsletter that I write is about to hit 15,000 subscribers, and I'm going to send laptop stickers to people who ask. That typically means a lot of letters all over the world with a few little laptop stickers in them, and to stiffen the envelope up, I'd like some postcards.
The last time I did this, my local coffee shop had postcards that were advertising events at GOMA and other similar places. They were great for this purpose - something Australian that I could scribble on, but looked pretty, and brightened the mailing up a little. As long as I didn't take too many at once, they were perfect for this.
What with the, you know [gestures outside helplessly] I doubt there are going to be many of those events going on. But does anyone know where I might be able to get a hundred or so postcards like this, or something similar, ideally free? (They can be out of date, of course, and I was hoping someone might know somewhere with a box or two of old postcards that otherwise would be heading to the dump).
People are genuinely thrilled to get something through the post from as far away as Australia. It took me rather by surprise. So it would be nice to get something that's positive about Queensland or Brisbane.
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